Get Confidence Stupid!

This is the gist of Speech #3:

I am nervous for each speech I have to give at Toastmasters. Once when I was walking to my car on a day I had to give a speech I actually thought “What if I slip on the ice and sprain my ankle. Certainly that would be an acceptable reason for not showing up to give my speech today”. This completely absurd thought crossed my mind and for a split second did not seem crazy in the least. So far every time I have spoken at Toastmaster in any way, I was nervous to varying degrees. I may not seem nervous, but trust me. I am. Why then do I keep going back? How am I able to build confidence in myself on the road to becoming a better communicator? I’ll tell you. They are the same approaches I use whenever my mind is lacking confidence because I am fearful of a looming task. I want to share three tactics I use to build confidence and overcome fears.

Tool number one: Positive Affirmations. Last year I took up snowboarding. With a lot of practice I have come to enjoy going down the slopes. I hate going up in the chair lifts. It’s hands down the part about snowboarding that scares me the most. I think it’s because I have no control. Going down I can go as fast or as slow as I want, but when I’m on the chair lift I don’t get to decide when I’m ready. So many things can go wrong when getting off the lift which will result in my falling or tripping up another skier. Both of which I dread. If I want to enjoy the down I need to get a ride up. On the way up I try to remind myself I have done this 100 times before. I can do this. I try to visualize what the perfect exit looks like. I use positive affirmations to build my confidence. I don’t let negative thoughts get me down. It also helps to remind myself that if I do fall; so what? So what if they have to stop the lift or if I bump into someone? Is that the worst thing that could happen to me? Doesn’t seem so bad. Remember to believe in yourself. If you can’t keep the negative thoughts at bay, try just repeating the same positive thought and visualize the outcome you desire.

Visualizing a positive outcome ties into my next tool. I like to say “fake it til you feel it”. I like to wear my glasses whenever I want to feel smart. In college whenever I had a calculus test I made sure to wear glasses. I think that people who wear glasses look smart. They looked focused and confident in their abilities. If I could pretend I was that way on the outside it helped me feel that way on the inside. It sounds silly I know. In my mind I could visualize working through the test and knowing the answers and feeling smart in my glasses. But it really helps to ask your self "What if I already was successful at this; if I wasn’t afraid?” Same goes with public speaking. Professional speakers probably dress well and look prepared. They speak clearly and slowly and with confidence. I may be none of these things inside, but if I pretend that I am confident, pretend that I am not nervous, eventually I will feel on the inside what I am “faking” on the outside. The line between pretending and reality will blur with time and practice. I made it a point to always wear my glasses on days when I had calculus classes in college. Ask yourself “what would it be like if…”

Finally, to overcome fears Just Do It. As long as you have reasonably prepared, don’t give yourself a chance to talk yourself out of whatever it is you are trying to do. I don’t think about all the reasons that I don’t want to get on that chair lift. I get in line. I leave no room for fears or backing down. Once I’m in line, it’s too late to back out. When I’m nervous about talking in front of a group I ask to go first. If you want to learn Spanish but are worried you won’t have time, or you don’t like going to new places alone, sign up for the next class. When the day of the first class comes around, get in your car and go. No questions, no excuses, don’t think about it, just do it. I’m not saying that if you are afraid of heights you should go jump out of a plane. Clearly that is something that involves a fair amount of prep work and practice, but as long as you have done the prep work and it has come down to the last step, that’s when you just do it.

It can be extremely liberating to overcome fears. Building confidence is the foundation to doing that. By telling your self positive affirmations and faking it until you feel it, you can gain the confidence you need and just do it. Once you take the steps necessary to overcome your fears the thing you were so afraid of will be over quickly and you’ll be left with the satisfaction that you just did something you were certain you didn’t want to do. You’ll be amazed at your ability to succeed. I’m no longer nervous by the time I finish my speeches. I feel exhilarated knowing that I just finished something I woke up in the morning certain I didn't want to do.