Hurt So Good

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step, so here goes. I am in a relationship that causes me much pain and frustration, yet I cannot get out of it. I met Katie on November 26th when I showed up for her Cardio Dance class at the gym. I liked her instantly. She was wearing long tight yoga pants, and a mid-riff baring halter/bra top. She does not look like your typical fitness instructor, in fact she probably weighs more that I do and definitely has some curves to her. But man is she fit. The attraction then is clear. Here is a beautiful girl who some might define as overweight but could probably out last most people in a cardio endurance challenge. Extremely fit, fun, addictive, infectious and confident; that’s what she is. Girls need more role models like her. The dance class is a lot of fun. I like to pretend I am on tour with Brittany or on the Timberwolves dance team. It’s a great work out, and challenging for the muscles too. But she hurts me. She hurts me real bad. She taught a combo class that I went to last night that includes kickboxing, jumping and hard core muscle work. I never want to go to that class again. It was so hard and just constant high intensity jumping and twisting, that towards the end when I really tried to push through I was whimpering and whining and doubled over in exhaustion. It wasn’t because my muscles were so sore, but because I was beaten. I reached my limit; just broken down. I physically could not jump rope any more. I couldn’t lift my legs fast enough to keep up. My biggest fear in life is discovering the end of limits. What if I had always imagined myself at a point beyond that limit? That’s scary. The good thing about fitness is with enough practice you can usually break through to the next limit. The last limit I broke through was the 1st time I ran 10 miles. That was difficult. Think I cried that time too, but then I felt good about it afterward. I think I will feel good about it.......maybe this weekend. I’m still exhausted. I hope she is teaching next week so I can try again. She makes me hurt so much that I can’t get enough of her. :)