Confessions of a procrastinator

While I no longer fear the long run (thanks to last weeks gruelling 8) I have a new annoyance. So what if I can get out there and do the long run, I wanted to feel good about it. I wanted to feel strong. And, well, yet another week of procrastination has put me at 0 miles for the week and 15 to do in 3 days.

All I can do now is get a good run in tonight and feel good about it. I can go to spin class or do a short, easy run tomorrow and then do 9 miles on Sunday. I can actually do these runs and also vow to stick to a plan for next week and GET IN THE RUNNING. And enjoy it, it's not enough. It's not enough to say I'm gonna do this. I won't really truly start feeling better once I have done this stuff. So right now, this minute, what's a girl to do to make herself feel like everything is gonna be ok.

Maybe I've go these post-race blues. Where I felt like I accomplished something and reached a goal and then never quite reveled in it because that technically wasn't the ultimate goal. There is another race right around the corner. I don't know. I can't find a rhythm. No rhythm with running and working out and no rhythm with eating healthy and losing weight. And I don't feel right about blaming it on my schedule or the parties coming up or the weather. It's just me. I'm on a plateau. I either need to jump off the edge and call it good and stop feeling guilty. Or find a bigger mountain out there that I just can't stop myself from climbing.

I say that this blog is about my latest fitness craze and whatever else comes along that I want to try out. But let's face facts. I'm only writing about two things for the next few months. Running and weddings. Hmmm sounds like ironic topics to be paired together.

I finally got to my 8 mile run. It was bad. But Success!! Because I did it. I let go of all expectations and just ran it. I think I will get back to my regular self after this week and the 9 miles I run this weekend. My legs just need to be reminded of what is expected of them.

I find I'm more reflective when I'm running and struggling. These types of runs can also be the most rewarding. That's where it's all laid out on the table. Either you bring it or you don't. And for me running provides this deeply personal accomplishement because nobody knows how difficult this particular run was or wasn't. They can't feel exactly what I had to ask of myself to accomplish it. Likewise only I know when I have a seeminly good run but deep down know I could have done better. You can never lie to yourself. You always know. And words just CANNOT describe. You never know what you're made of or what you're capable of unless you are tested.

This week I'm lifting in the mornings again, trying to cross train and getting in at least 3 runs.

As far as wedding planning goes - how fun! It really is. I'm getting to do all the fun stuff I've dreamed about every time a friend has gotten married or just because I'm a girl. Look at dresses, think about my family and friends being there and involved, taste cake samples. But there is also some not fun stuff and it all seems to have to be done at once. Because we are getting married in 4 months we need to book everything at once. The vendors we want are available and everything so that's not the problem, it just we need to book appointments to talk to these people, and we need to get quotes from all these other people, and everything in one huge pile!

Right now we are working on a DJ, photographer, wedding party, guest list, hotel room blocks, invitations, dinner menu and dresses.

We are done with: reception site, ceremony site and.....yeah. That's all.

I don't even want to list what we have to do after that.

AND I have got to finish the blanket I was supposed to give my cousin LAST Christmas. I'm so close, but I lost interest. Sad. I'm yelling at myself to PULL IT TOGETHER ALREADY!

Tag

My first tag! Let me just say I'm honored :) Now down to the nitty gritty.


10 Years Ago:
1. Having a rockin' time at St. Cloud State University
2. Was struggling to raise my GPA
3. Was cashiering at the grocery store
4. Complaining about having to walk from the farthest parking lot to my dorm (incidentally - I ran a 1/2 marathon on that campus this year - things have really changed!)
5. Hmmm...That was a long time ago....


5 Things on Today's "To Do" List:
1. Run
2. Meet friends for a birthday celebration
3. Drink water
4. Schedule another bridal try on thing at a place
5. Do some stuff at work.


5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Become a philanthropist
2. Tavel. A lot.
3. Give some money to my family or buy them all gifts
4. Probably quit my job. I like it, but come on. I'm a millionaire!
5. Make more money. Gotta keep the philanthropy going.


5 Places I have lived:
1. Pierpont, SD
2. Alberta, MN
3. St. Cloud, MN
4. Farmington, NM
5. Minneapolis, MN


5 Jobs I have had:
1. Subway Sandwich Artist - back when we took pride in our art :)
2. Paper Shredder Extraordinaire
3. Data Analyst
4. Grocery store cashier
5. Front Desk person at a hotel

A run is a run

Nothing exciting or thrilling, or even particularly challenging about last nights treadmill run except that I FINALLY got back to running. I got a glimmer of motivation from it and I just need to feed that feeling a few more times to officially be back on the training wagon. My legs were a little reluctant towards the end. But as long as I get out there and continue to give it what I've got I think I will be back to my peak in a few weeks; having excellent long runs and enjoy it.

I can't shake this feeling that I have been 2 steps behind for the past 2 weeks and frantically trying to catch up. Behind in training, work, my life....There is just so much going on with friends and family activities, trying to plan a wedding now in 5 1/2 months, running, working, Toastmasters - the list goes on. So far I haven't had any major meltdowns which surprises me. I guess I feel like I've been handling everything fairly well, but I still feel a little bit like I am waiting for that meltdown.

Balance. Word of the week. Remember to balance, Emily.

Blech.....

Ug. Blaaaaa. eh.

I was supposed to run 8 miles yesterday.

Didn't happen.

I was supposed to run 8 miles today.

Didn't happen.

I am supposed to run 8 miles tomorrow.

Is it gonna happen?

I sure as heck hope so. I'm in a running funk. I think I need to have an honest conversation with myself and it goes like this. This run, might suck. It might be really hard. You might feel defeated, deflated, discomfort and downtrodden. But the important thing is that I DO IT. It's not too late. I haven't lost it yet. I certainly can't wait much longer, but it's not to late. I just need to get right back on that horse. Find a small shred of motivation somewhere in my body and nurture it until it is in full bloom again. Like it was for the 10 mile. I've got about a month and a half until the Vegas Half, and that race was supposed to be my race of the year. So tomorrow, I'll allow myself NO option. Not one single shred of an excuse. There is no question; no doubt. I put my shoes on, and walk out that door. And then whatever happens, I've got to find one thing to feel good about. It will probably be the fact that I did it. No matter how much I walk, no matter how cold I get or how tired I am. I've got to do this. I cannot remain on this slide.

A pretty good story - Chapter 4

The Finale - October 9th-11th
I remember eating a lot on this vacation. We at at this place called Taco Surf twice. Yummy. I can't say that enough. The carne asada? The best! And it's so cheap. This is where we went on Wednesday night to celebrate our engagement and where we ended our vacation before leaving for the airport. Back in Boston I had a swordfish kabob. That was back when I was still trying to be relatively healthy. But after he proposed, well, what's the point. I can let myself go now. :) Just kidding.

Another discovery: Yogurt Land. What a concept. If anybody has $400,000 for a franchise and wants to go into business with me, let me know. This place rocks!! You pick up a large bowl and fill it with any kind of (nearly fat free) frozen yogurt you want. There are like 15 flavors and they are good all by themselves. Then you can add any toppings you want: Captain Crunch, chocolate sprinkles, caramel, marshmallows, kiwi, cheesecake bits, gummy bears....really ANYTHING. Then - 30 cents an ounce. And that's it. It's a beautifully simple concept. And very tasty! We went there twice as well. I wish we would have found it sooner - I would have went everyday.

We walked around various locations in San Diego. We went back to La Jolla beach on Friday where all the magic happened and frolicked in the ocean. Funny thing about the ocean. I had fun kayaking, I cannot wait to learn to serf in it, but also. I'm terrified of it. My mom gave me a healthy dose of fear when I was younger and visiting for the first time and it stayed with me I guess. Not to mention one time when I did actually almost drown in 3 inches of water because of the tides. So, I'm afraid, but I still like to go in. I just took it easy is all. When we were out kayaking we saw multiple pairs of people out swimming from point to point. Like in the middle of the ocean! Our guide says that people do it all the time and there are even buoys to mark your path. And you don't have to have a license or anything? They just let any yahoo swim out there in that crazy, unpredictable ocean? I guess so. I so want to do it! It makes my boyfriend nervous though. I'll have to go sometime when he isn't around. :)

We also went to Balboa park and saw some pretty cacti and gardens. Balboa Park is where the San Diego zoo is. I had never been to the rest of the park. It's a pretty neat place actually. I would probably go back when some events are happening instead of just wandering around.

The amazing thing about the week is on Wednesday when when it mattered the most the weather was perfect. Blue skies - 90. Perfect. The rest of the time was cloudy, very windy, a little cold. So we were really blessed that everything worked out the way it did.

Truly awesome vacation!

A pretty good story - Chapter 3

Best Day Ever - October 8
As planned we woke up at 6AM to watch the sunrise over Boston Harbor. It was a little chilly but I had some coffee and a light jacket. The water and sky were so peaceful. Although we couldn't see it yet, the sun was starting to rise and turning the sky brilliant pinks and oranges.

Finally the sun peaked over the trees. It was too bright to watch but we got some good pictures.

Walking back to the hotel my boyfriend (of 3 years to that day) told me that today we were going to chase one of my dreams. #17 on the 5 year plan. We were going to watch the sun rise on the East coast and set on the West. We had about 2.5 hours to pack and get to the airport to catch our next flight to San Diego!!!

This is so crazy! But we are really doing it. I couldn't believe it.

When we arrived in San Diego and picked up a the rental car and I get another surprise. We need to be in La Jolla beach by 4 to go on a kayaking tour of the La Jolla caves. It was 90 degrees and perfect blue skies so I was happy to get in the water. The kayaking trip was fun. I had never done that before. Not as much work as I thought it would be until I realized my boyfriend was doing most of the work. He was sitting behind me so I didn't notice how much he was paddling. Oops.

When we returned we rode one small wave onto the beach and returned our gear to the rental place. We got back to the beach in plenty of time to watch the sun set. It was beautiful. It was overwhelming to think of what we had just done. It was amazing just being there. Then as the sun dipped below the horizon, he got down on his knee in front of me and asked me to marry him. Our lives are about to begin together and they will end together like the sun.

The end. Happily ever after and everything!

A pretty good story - Chapter 2

The Vacation - October 6

Monday began much the same way that Sunday morning had begun. I was up early but this time headed downtown to catch a plane. My boyfriend and I were headed to Boston for a week long vacation. This vacation was 3 years in the making so I was really excited.

We spent the first day, which was actually only 1/2 a day after travel, at MIT and Harvard. If I had the choice, I would have gone to MIT. Everyone there had this certain look. Like they just looked smart. Or maybe it's better described at nerdy. OK not everyone was a huge nerd, but they did seem smart to me. Harvard has a different feel. More privileged perhaps. Just really distinguished. There is a lot of history in that town. The east coast is the oldest history the USA has to offer. And I mean USA - I realized there is much older history from coast to coast prior to the pilgrims landing.

Tuesday we did the Freedom Trail. You walk throughout Boston following this red line on the ground and see the historical spots. Boston is a really beautiful city. Impeccably clean. Quite different than anywhere I have been. Lots of brick. So far in the two days we had probably walked 6-7 miles. Both Monday and Tuesday nights my legs just ached and I was falling asleep by 9. This was definitely the affects of the run on Sunday. Like good little runners we also ran 2.5 (grueling) miles on Tuesday. I'm training for a 1/2 Marathon now don't'cha know.

Plans were wide open for the rest of the week, but we did know that we wanted to wake up to watch the sunrise over Boston Harbor on Wednesday.

A pretty good story - Chapter 1

TC 10 Mile - Sunday, October 5th

Sunday morning started out a little cool and overcast as my boyfriend and I headed downtown for our races. For him, the TC Marathon, for me, the TC 10. Was I ever ready for this race. I was just so excited because I new it would be great and I'm sure the endorphins carried me through the first 30 minutes.

Mile 1 - people are going to the bathroom already!?! Cripes people, it's only 10 miles. Didn't your mothers ever teach you to go before you leave? I didn't get it.

Mile 3 - Wow, that went really fast. Over the river and through the snow....well, over the river anyway. The new I-35 bridge was sparkling new.

Mile 5 - Seriously! Mile 5. I just powered up some hills. I hauled on the downhills. I'm running by at least 50-75 people per mile. Or maybe 5-10. But doing great. What's that I see Summit Ave already? This race is flying by. I even ran down a few squirrels. Granted they were already dead but I did accidentally step on one. Standing there in the crowd as I ran on Summit was 3/5 of my circle of friends called the Fab 5. 1/5 lives in another state and 1/5 of us was running (that was me). High fives all around and a big smile carried me on.

Mile 6 - PowerShot time. Cafe Latte with 2X the caffeine for that extra boot up the hills. I think it worked. I swear I was speeding along and felt really strong. I couldn't believe it had been 6 miles already. Oh look! There's Allison! She was having a great hair day!

Mile 8 - The last two miles was more of the same. But then. It started to sprinkle. By 8.5 it was raining and by 9 it was a downpour. I lost a little of my optimism. Instantly, the race was hard. My legs were tired, I was done. I was cold despite my really cut outfit and matching leg warming socks.

The Last Quarter Mile - I couldn't feel my legs and was starting the downhill part toward the finish. I just wanted to be done so I was running as fast as my legs would move back and forth. I was worried I would stumble and roll into the finish. But I didn't. Finished with a 1:42 and change - 13 minutes faster than last year (and about 13 pounds lighter - maybe that helped). The Fab 5 minus 1 was there at the finish to hold an umbrella and get me some coffee. It was really nice to have them there. It's always a huge bonus to finish and not feel alone, I think.

I was never more uncomfortable all day than after finishing. It was freezing and raining. My body was in good shape though. In fact I felt like I had just run a 5K instead of 10 miles. The next day though....yeah - my legs reminded me how far I ran. Youch!