Bittersweet ending

I turned in my resignation at my job yesterday. I am leaving for a position in another company that will give me an opportunity to develop my leadership and communication skills. I'll learn a ton about project management and even potentially be managing a few other people. My skill set will help give me a background for what I'm going to be learning. It's all good on paper.


But it's so sad in my heart. How can I sit there and tell my two managers that I like my job, I enjoy working for them, I think they are great and have really done a lot for me. And that I like the company....because then tell me again why am I leaving??? Oh yes. This great opportunity.


I'm so excited about this new position because it's going to be a real challenge. I'll be working on things that have high visibility and can make a huge impact on the way things are currently being done. The corporate culture there seems a little bit more conservative, more demanding. But I'm excited to see how I fare in that kind of environment. I want to excel!


My managers didn't even know I was looking. Heck, I didn't know I was looking, this kind of just fell in my lap. I had to keep it professional when I told them I was leaving. I cried though. But then wasn't the time to gush about my high regard for them and the company. And now I'm screaming inside to tell them how hard of a decision this was and how I truly think they are wonderful bosses. I have so much respect for them both. It's agonizing.


This decision is made. There can't be any room for doubt and regret. I made the choice. I hope it was the right one.

Blissfully in Denial

Life is pretty good right now. I just returned from a trip to visit my parents in NM, a destination which I love and will forever miss. We finalized the design for wedding invitations that mom will be making. All 120 of them. By hand. And they will be perfect because mom won't settle for less. Even though I would. I bought a wedding dress! It really happened so quickly. I can't post a picture because my fiance reads this. Infrequently, but I can't take that chance. There will be plenty of pictures later I'm sure. It looks amazing though and if I can lose 10 pounds I'll be able to breathe in it! That's a joke. But it is tight - like OJ Simpson glove tight. And that is no joke.

I'll be heading to Vegas with some girl friends in a couple of weeks and it is going to be a BLAST!

Except for that pesky 13.1 mile run I promised to do while there. Enter denial. Holy cow! I haven't been running regularly and last week I didn't run even once. My training has been pathetic. I did have a glimmer of hope a few times there when I did long runs on the weekends (twice) but it's gotten bad again. And the thing is, I'm not worried. Oh, I know it's gonna be a hard race because of my lack of training. It makes me a little sad because it feels so good to really rock a race and this one I will just be running. It will be like a really uncomfortable long run instead of a race I am psyched about and ready to conquer. Should I be more worried than I am? Maybe, but I still feel like I can do it. I still believe that I am in good enough shape to wing a 1/2 Marathon. Huh. Well I guess that is some kind of accomplishment. Me? Winging 13 miles?? Other people can do it. Why can't I? We'll see.

I'm not down and out yet though! I've got 3 weeks left and I'm not planning a big taper. If I can get up to 11 miles again I'll feel ready. One thing that the denial is helping with is that I still believe there is time and at the same time I understand that time is running out so I feel like I am in a good position mentally. I've got all of the urgency with none of the guilt.

Election Day!

Do I ever love to vote. I really feel a sense of pride and civic duty as I carefully fill in the bubble of the candidate of my choice. I read it over slowly and methodically knowing that this does have an impact. This will make a difference. Now I know all about how electorial votes work, but to get an electorial vote somebody has to vote out there.

I voted for Bill Clinton when I was 18 years old in 1996 and ever since then I have been so excited to be involve. I can't wait to go home and watch the election results. I should make some popcorn!

Long Run Recap

Sunday I ran 9 miles. It wasn't too bad. Not as bad as last weeks 8 miles so that is a good sign. It pretty much sums up the run though, when at mile 4.23 I felt something hit my leg and I thought "Oooh! I think my shoelace is untied!! Better stop" then I looked and it wasn't and thought "Oh :( Guess not. All right, I'll keep going". My legs have just been getting so tired on the trip towards the end. Maybe I need to keep shifting the pace so they can try something new.

Are runners arrogant trail hogs who think everyone should yield to them? I am. I was having an issue early on with walkers talking up the whole trail in groups of 3 and 4. I don't care if you are running sprints or crawling on your knees, be considerate of other people on the trail and move. Ok, but the actuality is my complaining on my blog and thinking negative thoughts in my head isn't going to make other people more or less thoughtful. I'm even willing to admit that I may be wrong. Maybe I should be going around them. Although this generally takes more effort and I realize I am running, but I'm all about using as little effort as possible.

Revelation hit at that moment. I'm telling myself all kinds of positive thoughts during the run, but thinking negatively about the people on the path who won't move. Who was that possibly going to help? Negative is negative and if I'm going to be enjoying and completing the run I have to enjoy every bit of it and that means NO NEGATIVITY. None. Enjoy it and be grateful that the day was given to you or be a complainer. It was a BEAUTIFULLY perfect day. There were tons of people out enjoying the weather. I saw this adorable 2-3 year old girl running/waddling next to her dad (so cute!!) all determined with her little hands balled into fists swinging her arms wildly back and forth.

So I think, thank God I'm able to exercise today and enjoy this. Thanks for the wind to provide resistance and make me stronger, thanks for the hills too. Thanks for the time to think about my fiance and how much I love that we are both into running. It's what we do. And I thought about my friends who think I'm a runner. When I started to walk at an unscheduled break I thought, The Fab 5 thinks your a runner. They think you can do it, why can't you? I can.

It was a good run then. Lots of positive thoughts once I realized this was the better way to go. I even ran 9.16 miles instead of 9. Big harry deal I know, but the point is I didn't HAVE to run that extra .16. Finally starting to feel good about running. It's scary how much your mind can slip when you break routine for even a few weeks!!

Confessions of a procrastinator

While I no longer fear the long run (thanks to last weeks gruelling 8) I have a new annoyance. So what if I can get out there and do the long run, I wanted to feel good about it. I wanted to feel strong. And, well, yet another week of procrastination has put me at 0 miles for the week and 15 to do in 3 days.

All I can do now is get a good run in tonight and feel good about it. I can go to spin class or do a short, easy run tomorrow and then do 9 miles on Sunday. I can actually do these runs and also vow to stick to a plan for next week and GET IN THE RUNNING. And enjoy it, it's not enough. It's not enough to say I'm gonna do this. I won't really truly start feeling better once I have done this stuff. So right now, this minute, what's a girl to do to make herself feel like everything is gonna be ok.

Maybe I've go these post-race blues. Where I felt like I accomplished something and reached a goal and then never quite reveled in it because that technically wasn't the ultimate goal. There is another race right around the corner. I don't know. I can't find a rhythm. No rhythm with running and working out and no rhythm with eating healthy and losing weight. And I don't feel right about blaming it on my schedule or the parties coming up or the weather. It's just me. I'm on a plateau. I either need to jump off the edge and call it good and stop feeling guilty. Or find a bigger mountain out there that I just can't stop myself from climbing.

I say that this blog is about my latest fitness craze and whatever else comes along that I want to try out. But let's face facts. I'm only writing about two things for the next few months. Running and weddings. Hmmm sounds like ironic topics to be paired together.

I finally got to my 8 mile run. It was bad. But Success!! Because I did it. I let go of all expectations and just ran it. I think I will get back to my regular self after this week and the 9 miles I run this weekend. My legs just need to be reminded of what is expected of them.

I find I'm more reflective when I'm running and struggling. These types of runs can also be the most rewarding. That's where it's all laid out on the table. Either you bring it or you don't. And for me running provides this deeply personal accomplishement because nobody knows how difficult this particular run was or wasn't. They can't feel exactly what I had to ask of myself to accomplish it. Likewise only I know when I have a seeminly good run but deep down know I could have done better. You can never lie to yourself. You always know. And words just CANNOT describe. You never know what you're made of or what you're capable of unless you are tested.

This week I'm lifting in the mornings again, trying to cross train and getting in at least 3 runs.

As far as wedding planning goes - how fun! It really is. I'm getting to do all the fun stuff I've dreamed about every time a friend has gotten married or just because I'm a girl. Look at dresses, think about my family and friends being there and involved, taste cake samples. But there is also some not fun stuff and it all seems to have to be done at once. Because we are getting married in 4 months we need to book everything at once. The vendors we want are available and everything so that's not the problem, it just we need to book appointments to talk to these people, and we need to get quotes from all these other people, and everything in one huge pile!

Right now we are working on a DJ, photographer, wedding party, guest list, hotel room blocks, invitations, dinner menu and dresses.

We are done with: reception site, ceremony site and.....yeah. That's all.

I don't even want to list what we have to do after that.

AND I have got to finish the blanket I was supposed to give my cousin LAST Christmas. I'm so close, but I lost interest. Sad. I'm yelling at myself to PULL IT TOGETHER ALREADY!

Tag

My first tag! Let me just say I'm honored :) Now down to the nitty gritty.


10 Years Ago:
1. Having a rockin' time at St. Cloud State University
2. Was struggling to raise my GPA
3. Was cashiering at the grocery store
4. Complaining about having to walk from the farthest parking lot to my dorm (incidentally - I ran a 1/2 marathon on that campus this year - things have really changed!)
5. Hmmm...That was a long time ago....


5 Things on Today's "To Do" List:
1. Run
2. Meet friends for a birthday celebration
3. Drink water
4. Schedule another bridal try on thing at a place
5. Do some stuff at work.


5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Become a philanthropist
2. Tavel. A lot.
3. Give some money to my family or buy them all gifts
4. Probably quit my job. I like it, but come on. I'm a millionaire!
5. Make more money. Gotta keep the philanthropy going.


5 Places I have lived:
1. Pierpont, SD
2. Alberta, MN
3. St. Cloud, MN
4. Farmington, NM
5. Minneapolis, MN


5 Jobs I have had:
1. Subway Sandwich Artist - back when we took pride in our art :)
2. Paper Shredder Extraordinaire
3. Data Analyst
4. Grocery store cashier
5. Front Desk person at a hotel