Mother Runner

I am a mommy.  For 2 whole months now.  It's nothing like I ever expected.  Both in terms of work and love.  I was worried that my plans to get back into running wouldn't work out because I ended up having a cesarean.  Not so much the natural birth I wanted, although I did get to experience it for 18 hours.  I healed up nicely and after 9 weeks am able to run.  We had our first women's running class last night. 

I know what you're thinking.  "Oh my gosh! She's the cutest baby in the world!!!" I know right?!?!?

It was EXHILARATING.  I remembered some things.  I'm a runner.  I love to run.  I'm not sure I can even describe how great it was, but since this is a blog and that's sort of the point, I'll try.  I've left Clare before for a few hour here or there.  Every time I do, I'm always wondering what's she's doing.  Worried if she's crying and I miss her like crazy.  Cuz you know..I love her.  Except for last night.  The weather was perfect (God must have know that anything less might have discouraged me).  When we were running it was like everything was exactly right.  I didn't think of Clare at all.  It was me and my own thoughts and all of these wonderful words and thoughts came to my mind that I would write about here.  A very welcome break.


It was very humbling, yet with the experience I've had as a runner I was still confident.  I know what I'm capable of.  But it was so very hard.  That's the humbling part.  Here I was in a group of people, some who have never run in their lives and I was numbered amongst them.  But I had run.  It's weird to not be able to do what you could once do with ease.  I'm talking about running for 2 minutes.  2 MINUTES!  It was rough.  My legs felt like bricks.  I was out of breath.  But in eight weeks I'm going to be able to run a 5k.  No doubt.  

Nothing ever felt so right or natural to me than to be running again.  To be with a group of women.  To do something on my own, for myself.  Everyday has been a question.  Are you hungry?  Should you sleep now?  Are you bored?  Are you over stimulated?  Should I be doing more with you?  What should you wear today?  And everyday I think I have no idea what I am doing.  But I know how to run.  No question.  Exercise is so good for the soul.  It felt nourishing to me.  I cannot wait to go out again. 

National Running Day

Yesterday, as many know, was National Running Day. Whatever your level, just get out there and go - I think that is the official motto. I decided to try a running group at my gym. I see them running all the time but have never wanted to join because, well let's be honest, I've never wanted to work that hard. I showed up and they gave me a sticker that said "I ran today" and I briefly considered going home since I already had the sticker. Then they made you sign in and put how many miles you were going to run. Dang. After that I was committed. It was in writing.

The leader guy for our group was explaining to me on the way out how nobody gets left behind. Usually there are seasoned groupies who can lead and he is able to follow and make sure nobody gets lost. I said, "Nice to meet you - I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of time together in that case." He was great fun. He'd yell out stuff like "HILL!" when we were already half up, as if I didn't notice. But then "DOWNHILL!" and also would tell us to walk over the train tracks and look both ways, and tell us when it was clear to merge onto the path so we wouldn't get hit by a biker. Like mama bear goes running. I liked it.

Beautiful day to be out on the trails. The sun was behind the clouds so it wasn't beating down on you in the open areas. But the running? The running was hard. I started out just going. Not looking at my pace. I don't want to know that I am going less than 11 minute/miles and think I better slow down because I can't handle this. I need to reset my pace clock in my head. Because remember, how I run 10 minute miles! You really can't get hung up on the numbers though. I mean I ran 6.2 miles on Sunday with avg pace of 10:13 and this 5.28 miles yesterday was tough to pull out in the end and the avg time was 10:19. So what the heck? Who really knows. That's why it's always best to gauge how much of yourself you left on the trail. Sunday, I gave it my all. Last night, again, everything. So two great runs at differing paces. But the feeling good for working hard, that's the reward! The pace always needs to be second I think. Sure it's important at times, but attitude is always #1.

I back to hitting the pool tonight. Looking forward to a good swim. And did you know that biking was part of a triathlon. Evidently I've been trying to convince myself otherwise because I haven't biked AT ALL this whole year. I really felt like I was a good biker last year during the tri and I wanted to nail it this year. But how's that gonna happen if I don't start practicing? Potentially, I'll amaze myself. Realistically, I'm just delusional. Here's the joke for which I based this comment.

A dad told his son to learn the difference between potentially and realistically by asking his sister and his mother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars. He asked both and both said yes, of course they would. When his dad asked if he learned the difference, the son replied "Yes. Potentially we could be millionaires, but realistically we've go two tramps in the family".

Everybody's Got a Story to Tell

Last night was the last night of my Women's Running camp. I met some folks although I'm not sure I ever knew their names. And while I didn't create lasting friendships (because it was a short camp which met once a week and I missed 3 weeks) it was great fun to be in a group of women, gathering to do what we all love. I enjoyed going each week. We ended with a timed mile, just like we started with in the first session. I ran 8:50. Exactly the time of the TC 1-Mile and 6 seconds slower than my one mile time in the first week of camp. I think I'll try the 1 mile distance once per month and see if I improve. The slower time was a bit discouraging, but at least it's consistent I suppose.

After the run they usually have a speaker come in to talk about different aspects of running. Last night they had the senior women's group from MDRA talk in a panel format. It was so interesting. It just goes to show you that every body's got a story to tell about how they became runners or why they continue to run. I could have listened to every women in that room go around and tell about why they are runners. It's so personal and unique to each person. Anybody who has worked to train for anything from a 5k to an ultra-marathon or even those who never race and just started by going around the block know what it's like to have to pull from your inner strength and go beyond what you though you were capable of. It's inspiring to think about. It leaves me speechless. It makes me tingly and all I can do is nod in agreement. But that chord in your heart flares up when you hear other people's stories because they are playing the same identifiable chord that is in you.

What's next for me, well, Grandma's Half is coming up June 20th. I want to rock and/or roll that race! It's flat. It's less than a month away. It's flat. I can run my little heart out. Also, I am 89% sure I am going to sign up for the Fall Marathon Training program through MDRA. I'm not sure if this is the right year for me to do a marathon but I have the time to train for one, so I thought heck, why not. My feeling is that I won't be a marathon runner but rather a 1/2 or 10 mile runner. I think to put that much time (and effort!) into training for that distance will wear me out; become a job. But who knows. I vowed I would never run over 10 miles either. So I'm not saying 'never' I just am feeling like probably not at the moment. But the training group is something I am really looking forward to!

Something new: I was thinking that it would be great to be a 10 min/mile runner. Just on average. Very occasionally have I run 10 min/miles for any distance. Very occasionally. But tonight for my run I am going to do two things. 1. Run the whole way - 5 mi. (no 1 min walk breaks every 10 min) and 2. Pretend I am a 10 min/mile runner. What if I just run 6 mph. And just see how simple it can be. Maybe it's cuz I just never tried it before. So tonight I'll try. Maybe this is ridiculous because I've never tried to run a 5 min/mile either and I don't have delusions that I can. But I think it's good to not always have preconceived notions about what you can't do. Isn't that just setting myself up for not being able to do it? Don't they say something like "If you think you can't, your right"?

Thankful for a good run

I'm feeling refreshed today. Last night I ran 4 miles on the treadmill. The plan was to run 3 minutes and walk 1. I finished with an average pace of 11:30; not far off what it would have been with no walking, but I felt really good about it. I wasn't beating myself up for not finishing or going faster. It felt good and it was an achievable goal I set for myself. Not going analyze this strategy or pace or ANYTHING about this treadmill run. I had a good run. Who knows what the next one will bring, but I want to focus on setting challenging yet achievable goals. In the event that I set a too challenging goal I can say at least I tried and then try again or restate my goal. All I know is it feels wonderful to feel successful and that has been missing from my running lately.

"The tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goals to reach." Benjamin Mays

That’s not me

In an interview with Michael Phelps yesterday, or tomorrow or right now (who really knows in Beijing time) Bob Costas was asking him about the 200M butterfly where his goggles filled up with water and he couldn’t see but still swam an amazing race. Michael said that he was so mad after the race (feeling that he could have done better even though it was a WR!), that he couldn’t even see where he was in the pool because everything was so blurry. He said he had to resort to counting stokes for the last back and forth to get an idea of where he was in the pool. Costas said something to the effect that Tiger Woods could have had an excuse in the Master’s for doing poorly or losing (if he had); that Michael too, could have had an excuse. It was a justifiable out. Michael just said “That’s not me. I swim and I leave everything in the pool.” He goes on to say that’s just swimming, things happen and you still have to try to do your best and just deal with it. That’s why he’s a champion and an amazing person.

Oooh. Chilling. Recalling it now send chills up my spine.

I was thinking this a while ago and this just solidified my thoughts. Sometimes it’s hot and I have a bad run. Sometimes I’m hungry and I have a bad run. Sometimes the planets align and everything is perfect and I have a bad run. But all of those runs, good or bad, is how I run. Not how fast or how long I run defines me; what defines me as a runner is my willingness to persevere. It doesn’t matter what excuses you have or what the conditions were. What matters is your attitude and you tenacity and how you react to diversity. That’s what makes me the runner I am and the athlete I am. Yes, I said athlete. I went there.

I feel like I should put a disclaimer on this post. I complain. I make excuses. I sometimes have difficulty pushing myself. But I’m working on it. There are great role models in this world . Even my 15 year old cousin who doesn’t complain and always tries her best. And she mastered that attitude in half the time I did. There is something to learn from every athlete.

For my next trick, I will be running with the intent of pushing myself to discomfort. (Because trust me, in a 1/2 marathon - there is discomfort) It may only be a 3 mile run to build a foundation but it's just as important to my training as any other run, and so is the next one, and the next. Treat every step as if it were the most important. Because it is.

The Eye of the Storm

Ah – the taper week. A final week of rest. A time to bask in the glory that has been the training thus far; to reflect on how far you have come. And to worry that by not running your usual mileage you will somehow lose everything you have painstakingly built up. At least I do. Experience should tell me that this is not true, but habits are hard to break.

I'm eerily calm today. I’m ready to run.

Pain is my privilege. I am tremendously fortunate to have the body and the mind to be able to run. I’ll have family and friends there to cheer me on and many more supporting me in thought. Their presence and support are sources of strength for me. I hope I make them proud.

Inspiration Ally:

“By perseverance the snail reached the ark.” - Charles Haddon Spurgeon

(This is not an indirect slam towards myself about speed, just a good quote)

“You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.” – Marian Wright Edelman

And a favorite of mine:

"Success is my only mother*$&#) option, failures not.......Feet fail me not, this may be the only oppourtunity that I got." - EMINEM

Wave on Wave

I'm getting excited. Then I get nervous. But mostly I stay excited. Oh and sometimes I feel apathetic, but it goes back to excitement.

Do people think I'm a runner? Who cares! I cannot/will not be labeled! It's exhilarating to just be. And be happy. On Saturday I'm going to rise to a challenge. And that's what it's all about.

The biggest unknown I have about the race is how I'm going to write something witty on my shirt with out actually writing on my shirt.

Success and Support

I have arrived. One week until race day. The 11 miles I ran yesterday helped to calm my nerves a little. Before yesterday I was viewing this last long run as a 50 page research paper I had to write. I was staring a a blank document with the cursor blinking and thinking how much work and effort this was going to take. But to my surprise I felt good after 5 miles, my legs starting tiring at 8 but I knew if I could just get to 9 that it would only be another 3 miles and I could make it. The last 3 were the final miles; I was out of the guts of the run and into the end. By the time I hit 10 I was so excited to be going the longest distance of my life that I found some energy somewhere. It didn't last too long, but it was just enough to get me to 11. I needed this run. It left a positive feeling with me that everything is going to work out.

Fun story: My boyfriend finished his run right as I was arriving to start mine. I asked him how far he went and he displayed his Forerunner. It said 13.1. I said Wow! Did you do a 1/2 for me? He said yes and I said - great! I can go home then. :) I had been very apprehensive about this run all week and he knew it. So I think this was his way of helping me, by challenging himself too, he was putting himself in my situation. It was nice to have him go before me. Then he showed up with the dog after I was finished and was walking the last quarter of a mile to my car. I cried. It was so nice to see him. The day was a struggle and he was proud of me and was there to revel with me in my success. He picked up a nice pasta dish for me on the way home, and got the ice packs out of the freezer. I would do the same for him.

Fast forward 2 hours. I'm laying on the couch. I made my "long run reward" purchase of the Wen hair care system (only $29.95 but then you have to pay $90 for the 90 day supplies after the into period....we'll see about that). It was an infomercial that I had my eye on for a few weeks now. The only thing better than shopping online is shopping from your couch! Anyway, I was laying there when I got this intense craving for a blizzard from DQ. It was an inner struggle like no other. You would have thought I was dealing with Sophie's Choice. I didn't want to move, but I wanted it real bad! This was a dilemma. So I turned to my friend and texted her with my problem "How do I get to DQ when I can't even walk?". She replied back "Want me to pick you up?". Keep in mind that this friend had just ran 18 miles that same morning - her longest run ever too. Now that's a good friend. I think it was the best blizzard I ever had. I mean how often can you say you deserve a blizzard?

Beautiful day, lots of sun to boot. All in all - a victorious day.

The Biggest Loser

I love this show. I love Jillian Michaels. I want her to be my best friend.

That yells and me and calls me a girl scout.

(to my friends reading this, I like you the way you are. Please do not start doing this just because I want Jillian to)

The only thing keeping me on the treadmill last night was that I wanted to watch this show and I thought well I might as well be on the treadmill instead of standing in front of one watching the television. The one chick, Ali, lost 11 pounds. IN ONE WEEK! And she only weight 140 something to begin with. The other girl, Kelly, lost 13. Seriously!?! That can't be healthy. But they have doctors and trainers and stuff so I guess they know what they are doing. I'm not gonna try it, but holy cow! These girls rock. They totally beat both the men!

*sigh* It was a good show. I can really relate to how they feel and what they are going through.

So my run. Um yeah. It was, um, good. 2.6 miles. Boring, a good pace, but still just eh. I feel like I might be coming down with a cold. It seemed worse at the gym. I'm going to do a make-up tonight and then get back to the regular schedule tomorrow. I finished last night with .4 miles of walking at 2.5 mph and a 14% incline. This is a great workout for all the muscles from your butt to your calves. All in all, 3 miles. Not a complete loss.

3rd Time's a Charm

Yesterday was the third time in my life that I have ever run 10 miles! And I knew that around mile 8 I would be sitting at home, lounging looking at it rain outside today and thinking "Boy! Am I glad that's done!". And I am! I was 1 minute faster than my 10 mile time from last October. It was a hard run though. I had knee trouble around mile 6 or 7 I can't remember. Then I had hill trouble between 9 and 10. Hill trouble means there were hills and I couldn't make it up them. In fact I could barely walk up them. But I knew that I just had to get in the miles, so I was OK with giving myself a break and a pep talk and then was ready to finish the last mile. Phew. I often think about how long I have to run and my feelings towards it are daunting. Apprehensive maybe. But somehow I manage to not think about it not happening. I know it will happen. I don't know how. I can't say it'll be great, but I don't worry about it. How this one happened was exhausting and somewhat painful but it happened. I guess my point is, before you worry about how, just get into it and the how will figure itself out.

Today I am going to watch the Twins game from the couch. Thank you to my cousin for giving me that fabulous idea. Here's to a great Sunday knowing there are 6 days before I have to run 11.

Run Clubs

Anybody ever intimidated by joining something new? Some of the worst feelings I can imagine are the feelings of inadequacy when I consider joining a running group! I'm willing to bet though that if you are the slowest one in the group it's only because the other people your pace are too afraid to join. They think they will be the only one running their pace. Take it from the last girl in the group, when you get a good run in, it doesn't matter if you have somebody to run next to you or not; I don't really talk when I run anyway. The group is there when you start and you finish and you all have the same thing to talk about: That last hill was super hard or I thought I was going to lose it when the wind hit on the south side. Nobody says, that last hill was harder for me because I was going 2 minutes per mile faster than you. Bottom line, groups are nice because they keep you honest and motivated and there is a great sense of camaraderie. The next race I decide to be serious about, I will consider joining a group. Just find the one that is right for you because they are out there. Beginner groups where you run/walk, women's groups, pace groups etc. Don't be intimidated!! Anybody can run if you can pick up your feet!

When your run is more like a rough night out

The Prep
I like to get all dressed up when I go out. It’s a weekend; I have plenty of time to get dolled up. The outfit has to be just right. I’ve been thinking about what to wear since yesterday in anticipation. I grab the hydration pack, a Gu, my Shuffle and maybe a head warmer just in case. I’ve already polled my friends - Are you going out tomorrow? Where are you going? What are you wearing? Yes, I think it will be an early night too; I’m not going to drink that much. I'm going for distance not speed.

The party
I’m a little self conscious and shy at first; it’s going to be a long night – er day. The first few miles I run too fast. Very much similar to the way the drinks seem to flow faster in the first hour at the bar. You lose track of things because you are talking, having fun, whatever, and before you know it, you are ½ way through your night; or your run. This is the apex of your day/night. One of your friends yells “Let’s do a shot!” which always sounds like a good idea in the heat of the moment. You pull out your margarita flavored shot blocks and choke them down with a slight wince on your face as the aftertaste hits you. You grab a chaser of water and then get back to the dance. Things feel good although you are starting to slow down just a little; you notice you can now only make it to round two of “Get low, get low, get low”. You think you must be the best looking and fastest person around though. Your dance moves/stride up the hill are definitely turning heads! You may not look as good as when you left the house but none of that matters because you are a rock star and everybody can see that!

Three quarter of the way through things are getting a bit shaky. You think “Why didn’t I stop drinking when I felt better?” translated to “Why didn’t I run slower at the beginning?”. Your night is almost over and you are focused on a hot shower and bed. The harsh lights of the club come on and you see the finish line. You come to an abrupt halt grabbing onto trees or posts for stabilizers as you wait for the cab. The last hour seems like a blur. Your memory is spotty and all you can do is keep repeating the one line from the last song over and over again to keep your head clear.

The hangover
You go home a little dizzy and very tired. All you want is to eat pizza drink lots of water and sleep. You had all kinds of plans for the day but you quickly realize that plans have changed and they now include another nap, whatever movies you can find on TBS or Lifetime and a phone call for Chinese takeout. Why do I do this to myself? I feel like the whole day is wasted because I’m too spent to move. I’m never going to do that again. I’m getting too old for this; I don’t remember it feeling like this.

Remember when I could go out all night and whip out 6 miles like I was on a moving sidewalk?

Remember when I could crank out 10 miles and then dance the night away until 2AM?

I’d like to close with a quote from the song “All My Rowdy Friends” by Hank Williams Jr. The original goes: “And the hangovers hurt more than they used to and cornbread and ice tea took the place of pills and 90 proof.”

My version goes like this: “And the shin splints hurt more than they used to and ice packs and shot blocks took the place of pumps and jagger bombs.”

A day off

Yesterday I planned to go to the gym for a run. It was almost 40 here but it was overcast and sudden darkness loomed around every minute. Truth be told, it still didn't get dark until 7:30ish but I felt like it was going to get dark and I would get stranded and feel scared. No biggie, I can do 4.5 on the treadmill. It wasn't so long ago I was doing 6. (OK - I did that once, but still) But then I got home about 6 and put in some laundry and had supper. And then I was feeling so good about cleaning up around the place that I didn't want to stop. I did more laundry and cleaned up my room and even read a little. It was a nice evening; a lot was accomplished and it makes me feel better about today that I did some things that I seem to never have time to do (or maybe it's that I don't want to...?) I almost did the dishes even! I piled them all up and then thought......what's one more day. Tomorrow. I mean a girl can only be expected to do so much!

Tonight I know it is going to be a nice night for a run. I knew I waited for a good reason.

Let's talk about Friday though for a minute. Notice that is says 36 and snow!? In my book when it's above 32 that's called rain. Looks like it will be an interesting run on Friday. I'm going to do 8 and it won't be on the treadmill that's for certain! If it does happen to be snowy and/or rainy what can I do? Nothing. If it's raining and you have got to get a run in, you don't stare out the window and hope it clears. You get out there and you do that *$@#&^* run! I stole this quote from Billy Madison and really it's about a dog. So why even worry about the weather.

On a side, side note:

It's important to know the difference between worry and concern. If you are truly concerned about a situation or someone then you can and should do something about it ease your concern. When you worry there is absolutely nothing you can do to alleviate the situation. Concern is being cautious and smart. Worry is futile and consuming. I think I have read one too many self help books.