It's on my list....

You only fail when you quit trying

2011-10-24T20:55:00.000-05:00

This has been one of my mantras over the years. I didn't know it was a mantra until I kept failing at so many things but just kept trying. Having a child changes everything. Everything I don't like about myself I want to make sure she doesn't do. Every good thing about myself and my husband I want her to learn. And both, good or bad, she will learn by example.

I don't want my life to become my daughters. I still have interests and goals. She does get most of me, but I plan to keep some of me. I'm afraid I will end up telling my daughter what to do rather than showing her.

If she says she is going to do something, she should set reasonable goals and work towards it. And if she doesn't get it exactly right, she shouldn't make excuses or blame others. She should just pick herself up and keep moving forward.

She should eat and enjoy healthy foods and have fun while being physical.

She should be realistic about her choices. Make sensible decisions. Not shy away from hard work.

She should realize how blessed she is to have a home and a family and warm mittens in the winter.

She should always, always, always honor her mother and father.

Those things above are what I want my daughter to learn and how I need to be for her to learn. I'm sure there are many more things, but pointedly, I picked out the things that I feel I am NOT doing currently that I need to change.

I'm ready to be a runner again. I'm ready to be fit and healthy. So I've been running. And dieting. And it's gone good with the running. Hit or miss with the dieting. But that's my point. I've got to keep moving forward. Focus on the things I want and what I am trying to instill in my daughter. I'll get there again.

A Haiku about work

2011-05-31T14:19:00.000-05:00

I miss my baby.
She is growing up too fast.
What if I miss it?

Plus Size Runner

2011-05-10T08:39:00.000-05:00

Not only am I trying to run postpartum after a hiatus from ANY form of physical activity, I realized the other day while trying to lug around, oh say, 40 more pounds than usual, that I have never run at this weight before. When I started running I was about 20 pounds lighter. It's the perfect storm. When I said before that this is the bit of training where it gets difficult. When you start running more than you walk...I meant it. And it did get hard. And I got discouraged. And I skipped a few runs. And then tried to redeem myself this week. I feel like I'm failing. And while I know I won't FAIL, because I will persevere, I'm struggling right now.

Interestingly enough, cardiovascularly, I feel that I have a slight edge. I'm not that winded when I run. It's my legs, butt, core that can't handle it. And really, I feel that breathing was harder to master than building muscle so that's the good news I have.

And time. I have no time. Now that I'm back at work, it's hard to fit everything in. Now I only get to see Clare for about 3 hours each evening before she goes to bed. Some of that is dinner time for me and my husband and then add a 1/2 hour into that for running. Ok. I'll admit, when I type it out it doesn't seem like that much effort. Even to me. But for some reason, I never feel like I have the time and I always default to my baby. And I feel that is as it should be. She's a baby. I want to be with her. We'll have to find a way. That's all.

In the mean time I'll be plodding along, one foot in front of the other at about 4 mph with my flashers on in the slow lane.

Mother, Runner, and again Working Woman

2011-04-26T16:00:00.000-05:00

It is with mixed emotions that I return to work tomorrow. Clare is 3 months old and I feel like we are in a good mom/daughter groove. I'm starting to get to know her well and she definitely knows me. I've said all along I didn't think I was cut out for this stay-at-home mommy thing, and while I'm not. It's going to be hard to drastically cut back the hours I've been spending with her. 40 hours a week seems like a lot. Maybe someday I can figure out something part-time or just a different situation, but for now, I'll be at work. It will be nice to get back to that daily routine - I do better with routine.

My running camp that I joined is at that critical time when the running-shoe-rubber hits the road. When you first start it seems ridiculously easy. Run for 2 minutes? No problem! (OK - so it wasn't completely effortless, but it didn't seem impossible). We are transitioning this week to running longer than we walk, and I remember when I was training for my first 10K (6 years ago!!! YIY) there came a point, about in the middle of the program, when you felt like you turned the corner into a runner. It got noticeable harder. That's going to be this week I think. I welcome the challenge. It feels good to be able to push myself again without worrying about another human being. I just worry about me. It's nice. Mother's really do make ultimate sacrifices for their children and I'm not just saying that because I am a mom now. It's more like I am understanding what millions of other women do for their children. It amazes me actually.

Last Wednesday when we run, the coach was talking about how running gives you the confidence that you can do anything. You can ask for that promotion, lose weight, skydive....whatever. And the first thing that came to my mind was "But I couldn't give my daughter a natural birth". I think about this a lot when running and I believe I'm still harboring some feelings of guilt, disappointment and failure about the way things went down. My husband said "You say that like you had a choice." True - it was an emergency C-Section - not planned, I did everything I could but it was out of my control. But I cannot help the way I feel. It's just going to take time to let go I think. Anyway, I think about this a lot while running. Let me update from a previous post...Labor is NOT like running a marathon. I was a fool :) There are no walk breaks during labor. You cannot get a water break and it hurts and is exhausting with no easement. And it gets worse. Yet I still have memories of pushing through a lot while running and feeling so proud of myself and what I could accomplish which make the actual labor part feel like even more of a failure. I DNF'd birth. I've often said that my greatest fear is reaching my limits. Knowing that I cannot do any better. That was the most I would understand intellectually, the most fit I could ever be, the most caring I can ever be.....So maybe having Clare just felt like reaching my limit. Like that was something I just couldn't handle and do.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW. I have a beautiful baby girl and I am healthy. I finished. I know it isn't rational, but it's how I feel sometimes. 98% of the time I do not think of this, but running opens you up to a flood of emotions and thoughts. And there you have it.

Running strong

2011-04-16T14:26:00.000-05:00

Running Camp Week 2:

The hardest part about this week was NOT using the 30% discount on clothing and 25% discount on shoes at the local running store after the run. We met at a running store as part of the week's lecture series to give us information on all assessories running. I wanted so very badly to buy the shoes that I would need next year and a few tops that I would NEED for this summer. But I stopped. Because. Because I've grown. I'm more mature than that now. Eh. It sucked walking out of there with nothing. But you know what sucks worse? My drawers not opening because they are so stuffed with clothes they get stuck. And then I have to go through and decide what I want to get rid of. And I think getting rid, is harder than walking away. And after this remodel project and all of the crap Clare has been buying (I know, she's a total shop-aholic) I know that I want to have an organized house with less clutter. And that means less stuff coming in or more stuff going out. So no new shoes. No new tanks.

We ran 4 minutes walked 6 and I thought it was easier than the first week. I think I'm getting more used to it. Back into it shall we say. It felt great again. My whole week is better when I am exercising.

I'm off to shop for jogging strollers. Sure we already have a stroller, but not a JOGGING stroller. And we might need one of those umbrella strollers too at some point. See what I mean!?! How much crap Clare has to buy! Sheesh!

Mother Runner

2011-04-07T17:16:00.000-05:00

I am a mommy. For 2 whole months now. It's nothing like I ever expected. Both in terms of work and love. I was worried that my plans to get back into running wouldn't work out because I ended up having a cesarean. Not so much the natural birth I wanted, although I did get to experience it for 18 hours. I healed up nicely and after 9 weeks am able to run. We had our first women's running class last night.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh my gosh! She's the cutest baby in the world!!!" I know right?!?!?

It was EXHILARATING. I remembered some things. I'm a runner. I love to run. I'm not sure I can even describe how great it was, but since this is a blog and that's sort of the point, I'll try. I've left Clare before for a few hour here or there. Every time I do, I'm always wondering what's she's doing. Worried if she's crying and I miss her like crazy. Cuz you know..I love her. Except for last night. The weather was perfect (God must have know that anything less might have discouraged me). When we were running it was like everything was exactly right. I didn't think of Clare at all. It was me and my own thoughts and all of these wonderful words and thoughts came to my mind that I would write about here. A very welcome break.

It was very humbling, yet with the experience I've had as a runner I was still confident. I know what I'm capable of. But it was so very hard. That's the humbling part. Here I was in a group of people, some who have never run in their lives and I was numbered amongst them. But I had run. It's weird to not be able to do what you could once do with ease. I'm talking about running for 2 minutes. 2 MINUTES! It was rough. My legs felt like bricks. I was out of breath. But in eight weeks I'm going to be able to run a 5k. No doubt.

Nothing ever felt so right or natural to me than to be running again. To be with a group of women. To do something on my own, for myself. Everyday has been a question. Are you hungry? Should you sleep now? Are you bored? Are you over stimulated? Should I be doing more with you? What should you wear today? And everyday I think I have no idea what I am doing. But I know how to run. No question. Exercise is so good for the soul. It felt nourishing to me. I cannot wait to go out again.

Like so many things in life

2011-01-28T17:40:00.000-06:00

I knew the one I was going to marry when I met him. It was a great relationship, positive and special, from day 1.

When I tried on that wedding dress, I knew it was the one.

When we thought about having a baby in October 2009, we knew we weren't ready. When we thought about it early 2010, we just knew we were ready.

I had my doubts about if I would really ever feel ready for delivering this baby, but like so many other things in life (my life anyway), I should just trust that I'll know. I'll feel it. It will happen. I've been waiting for the "uncomfortable" pregnant to set in for a while now so that I would be so uncomfortable that I would just want this baby out. But that never happened. Dang my ever optimistic positive attitude. Maybe others feel uncomfortable at this point, but I guess I don't. Granted everything for me has been super easy so far. I can't complain. So without that discomfort, how would I feel ready? But I do! In the past few days, I'm so ready. So excited for this experience, so excited to do this with my husband. Just ready.

I've ready about 100 articles on how to know when labor starts. They all say the exact same thing by the way. But I keep thinking if I read it over and over, maybe I'll see something that I over looked and maybe I'll be able to know if I'm close or not. Or maybe labor started and I didn't realize it.

Have I learned nothing??? I'm sure I'll know labor when it starts!

I'm "due" on Monday. I tried to focus on a February birthday so that I wouldn't get too caught up in an exact due date. But it's hard. Especially when everything is ready! Here is our temporary baby station until the remodeling completes and baby has a bedroom of it's own.

There are diapers and receiving blankets in a nice basket by the side of the dresser.

We got a co-sleeper for the side of the bed. Hopefully I'll hardly have to wake up at all! Haha.

Catching Up Part 2: Photography

2010-12-31T08:42:00.000-06:00

I reaaaalllly want one of those SLR cameras. But I really want a lot of things. And the fact that I say "one of those SLR cameras" without having any idea exactly what kind of $1000 camera + lens I want doesn't make me feel, deep down, like I should be running out to purchase one just because I reaaaalllly want it.

What I should be doing is research and learning. Learning how to use the features that my camera already has and researching what kind of SLR camera I want. I haven't gotten too far on the research part. But I did take a stab at using my camera to see what I could get. Here's some of the highlights of the past few months.

This is my darling cousin who wears pink glitter shoes, picks grandma's flowers behind her back and ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has to have her purple purse.

Here is two variations of the same picture. I was pleased with my artistic prowess :) This is from a weekend in early September when we go pick my grandma's apple tree. That's grandma.

Here is one of my cousin beating up a girl at his Brown Belt Ceremony. She looks utterly terrified!

And this one of him sparring with his teacher. Or dojo or sensay or whatever.

The karate shots, not that you could tell, were tricky. Because a the lighting was all wrong for autofocus. I adjusted that all my myself! Ok - I picked the incandescent light setting, but still, I had to knooooowww to pick that. Also to get the good action shots I used the multi-shot setting. I got probably about 25 with my cousin and instructor and a few of them were perfect! That was slick.

I feel that my shots in general have been improving. I've been looking at a lot of baby pictures online because I want to capture that perfect, creative photo of our child to put on the announcements. I've been noticing lighting, angle, backgrounds, poses....just trying to do what I can to identify what I like about a photo so I can recreate it. What I usually like most about each photo is just the baby. I'm ready to see our baby!!

Catching Up Part 1: Baby News

2010-12-13T16:32:00.004-06:00

I want this baby to be here! Most people I hear start saying this towards the last 2 weeks when things are unbearable and they can't take it anymore; I'm at 33 weeks. I just want the baby here because I can't wait to stare at it for hours and hours! I can't complain about pregnancy. 98% of the stuff I read and hear others talk about as changes and side effects happening hasn't happened to me. I could do this for a whole year! (mothers out there, ask me again how I feel towards the end of January) Except I want to SEE THIS BABY!

I never got into prenatal yoga. I never got into anything physical really. I'm starting to see how this whole labor thing is going to be a big endurance test. How long can you be exhausted and tolerate the pain. Can't I compare birthing to running a marathon even a tiny bit? I'm not saying easy-peasy just because I ran, but somewhere in me I like to think that I've learned how to dig deep, to persevere and just. keep. going. So hopefully some of what I've learned running coupled with all the birthing classes we've done has prepared me the best that one can be prepared for something that's no less then an absolute miracle. Still, lesson learned - keeping up some sort of physical regime to maintain stamina will prove indispensable.

First we started with Hypnobirthing and I cannot say enough how much I loved this class. Get past the weird sounding "hypnosis" stereotype that you may be thinking about (I was) and it's really this wonderful way of relaxing and just letting go. Breathing, visualizing and remaining completely aware of your surroundings and body. The only con was that I thought they portrayed "medical births" in a somewhat negative light; like the big bad hospital will make you do it this way! On the other hand, knowing the most drastic scenario helps us prepare for anything. When we got to the hospital classes on childbirth, they actually start with, and cover in length, natural child birth and a lot of the same techniques: breathing, relaxation, visualization. The impression I got was that they offer choices including being supporting of natural child birth plus any number of options for those who wish to start with interventions (epidurals are interventions). Hypnobirthing was just the how-to of what the hospital also recommended.

Not to get on too much of a tangent, but I've just always thought I would do the natural thing. At any rate, I'm glad we have learned about all the options, so I can make informed decisions when things don't go according to plan. The only thing I'm 100% sure of is that I don't know how things are going to go down, but we will be able to make the right choice at the time even if that means veering from the plan.

Piano Lessons

2010-09-21T14:12:00.000-05:00

I had my first piano lessons last Thursday. I've said it several times, but I know how to play notes. This teacher is going to help me learn how to play music. Case in point, the first week I'm working on scales. C Major, G Major, D Major, A Major, and E Major. C Major has no sharps. Starting with G Major you add 1 sharp at a time from C# to F#, to G# to D#. So E Major has 4 sharps.

That doesn't matter. I just wrote that out to prove to myself that I have it down. I assume these are good things to know. I even picked a song to practice in A Major and identified it as such. Not now - I had to look that song up again. But at the time I did.

I asked my teacher:

"At least how much a day should I be practicing?" (this is a delicate questions because I didn't want her to think that I was already planning to do the bare minimum, but at the same time I want to make a true effort towards my commitment and my money)

"30 minutes a day at least." (reasonable I thought)

So far for the week I might be up to an hour. Maaaaybe. Shoot. I can already see that this is going to take a lot more effort. Luckily I pick up scales easily. And I have been doing a lot of visualization at being great so that should help out.

She told me to pick one song from each book I brought. Here is what I picked.

Number 4 is just for show. It's the last piece I was practicing before I quit at 18. It's a beautiful, fun Gershwin piece. Note all of the penciling. I could hardly read the notes anymore. Hey, I didn't say I was good at it, I said I was practicing to be good at it. But still, I've got a lot of work to go before this piece will come out again.

Really looking forward to week two. And practicing 30 minutes a day.

The Organized Life

2010-09-19T22:11:00.000-05:00

The organized life is an efficient life. A place for everything and everything in it's place. I long for that life, and am decluttering, donating and tossing with that vision in mind. And I don't want to buy storage boxes and new crap until I am exactly sure how I am going to use something. But then how do I organize if I don't get new things to organize with. It's a vicious cycle that I am sure only comes with experience. Anyway, in keeping with the goal of total organization (sounds like total domination, or maybe total control) I decided to downsize my lip gloss collection.

What girl can resist a shiny new tube or the latest great smelling lip balm, that new hot color for fall or the PERFECT for you red that you've been searching high and low for, but then after a week or so turns out to not be it either. Not this girl. And therein lies the problem.

Step 1) Organize into logical color grouping.

Step 2) Try on and toss. Which is not so easy because your lips really start to get dried out and the color never truly comes off between back to back applications, so it's hard to tell exactly if that is a perfect color or not. And I was not going to keep anything that was not perfect. Also, the lighting was bad in the bathroom and it was cloudy outside so lighting was bad everywhere. Which are all excues as to why I ended up with this:

I know - it doesn't loooook like that big of a difference, but I bet I got rid of 15 tubes. (The pile on the left is NOT the toss pile. Continue to Step 3 for what that pile is)

Step 3) Since I only got about 3/4 of the way through before my lips were swollen and puffy and some of the look-alike colors I couldn't decide which I like the very best, I made a 3rd pile of try-on-later-and-decide. This is the pile that sits on my counter and when I pull out my usable bag I see if there is anything better in the try-on-later-and-decide pile. If yes, it can stay and something similar from the usable bag should go.

(Notice I said something similar should go. I haven't actually tossed anything else. Nor have I really tried this out, but I am trying to rotate and use the stuff I did keep)

I've also gone through the pen/pencil box, cookbooks, non-fiction books, and general bathroom beauty products (hair gels, shampoos, lotions, perfumes etc.).

Today at Lowe's while I was buying baby latch gates so the dog can't get up or downstairs - oh and I suppose the baby too at some point - I found a nice modern looking basket that we are going to use for our cards throughout the year. I stole the concept from the neighbors. From Jan 1-Dec 31 after we are done displaying birthday, thank you's, anniversary, Easter, thinking of you, etc. cards we will place them in the box. At the end of the year, we'll go through them, decide which ones are sentimental and keep for eternity. That way we can get more than one read out of them if we want to look back at the year.

Speaking of the keep-this-card-for-eternity box.....perhaps that should be next on the list things to organize.....

Cooking Success

2010-09-15T20:40:00.003-05:00

Kale-alulia - dinner was a success. I tried the whole baked kale thing and it was much MUCH better than collard greens. Collard greens are yucky. My friend told me so, so it must be true. And she's from the south so she would know. If only I had known before dinner last night.

Collard greens are too chewy and to potent of a flavor. Kale is light, slightly chewier than spinach with a slightly different flavor, but mild and something I can swallow.

I also found a magazine recipe keeper. Chicken with Dijon sauce or something. I went TOTALLY crazy and added mushroom which were not in the original recipe. I know. I should write a cook book.

Then for dessert I modified a recipe for apple crisp into individual cups and used peaches instead. Dinner was so good and warm. I guess I just gotta keep trying.

Here's what's also on my mind. I signed up for a pasta making class in November (1 night only). We have birthing classes every Wednesday in October, piano lessons on Thursdays (which start tomorrow - yiy), regular exercise to fit in and a house to clean. Oh and I'm busy at work. I've really wanted to get a big girl camera (one with a lens and manual/automatic operations) and learn how to use it but 1) they aren't cheap so I better be serious and 2) can I afford the time to take a 2-5 lesson class on using a digital camera? I think this is going to have to be an at-home-study for the time being.

This leads into pictures. I want to start experimenting more with picture taking and angles and interesting views. I have a photographer friend who takes AMAZING pictures. While she's a professional and I'll never be at that caliber, I want to take interesting, beautiful, memorable pictures of my future kid. So I need to learn how to use my camera better, perhaps get a new one all together and also learn how to be creative so I can see the "good shots".

Look for these "good shots" or horribly bad -aka learning experience- shots. Practice should help.

Cooking failures

2010-09-14T21:04:00.003-05:00

I'm so discouraged. I've been enjoying cooking meals at home and trying new recipes from magazines and such and new foods. And. *SIGH* It just doesn't always work out. Recipes from magazines and books are so hit or miss it discourages me from trying new foods and recipes.

Like tonight. I made collard greens. With pine nuts, raisins and balsamic vinegar and oil. Collard greens have a strong flavor. I waaaaaaannnted to like them, but I didn't. Same with bok choy. I tried making it, but I don't get it. I forget the exact recipe, but they also have a certain flavor. 2 strikes on the leafy greens that are supposed to be so good for you; I want to like them. I don't know. Maybe I just haven't found the right recipe. Next up is a bunch of kale for dinner tomorrow. I gotta say: there isn't much hope :(

Also, tonight I tried a vegetable medley couscous dish. I can pretty much sum up the experience in one word: BLECH. Again, so healthy: carrots, zucchini, squash, onion. I think it was the saffron I didn't care for. First time using that too. Maybe my buds are too old to try new flavors. My husband said it was good. Anytime I like something he doesn't and vice versa. Good thing because somebody has to eat all the leftovers.

Guess I just have to stick with hamburger helper, chicken nuggets and corn my whole life.

End of Season Report

2010-09-12T09:20:00.002-05:00

And my running season has officially ended with the Blubber Run 5k. Not much of a running season really, but none the less there are no more races for 2010. I ran for maybe 10 minutes tops and not all at once even during the 5k. Which made me REALLY glad that I didn't attempt the duathlon a few weeks back.

That was really hard, not doing the duathlon. Especially since it was an expensive race and I went to pick up my packet with my husband anyway just to get the spoils. You feel the excitement and see all of the prepared athletes and just want to be a part of it; knowing that I could have been part of it, that I once was part of it. It was tough. But after the 5k yesterday I know there is no way it would have been a fun or good event for me. Good choice; albeit difficult.

Walking has been good. I haven't been to the aqua aerobics class since that first time. Just letting other things get in the way I guess, but I intend to go back. Everything is going great with the baby. We had our ultra sound and we're still on for end of January; ready or not. Pregnancy has been a good time and a learning experience, not just about babies and such, but about myself as well.

In my opinion balance is the key to life. (I know I changed the subject but stay with me - it's relevant) You take the good, you take the bad. You take em both and there you have.....What I'm saying is dealing with the bad helps you really appreciate the good. When I am working the right amount, exercising the right amount, cleaning the house the right amount and doing other fun things I enjoy the right amount, etc. life is better. And pregnancy is sort of like having a bye-week for a few months to understand how the diet and exercise components fit in. No you can't be a sloth and eat crap (that's not balance) but you let yourself indulge more and relax more about diet and exercise. Which makes me remember when I could push myself and challenge my body without worrying about the effects on another being. I think about how good that will feel again in 6-9 months to do again. But I can't always be focused on that because then I'd miss out on the fun things now. So it's balance. You get off a specific plan - rearrange things a bit so you remember why you liked to do the things you did.

Because I'm letting my diet go - something I've always pretended to try and do - I'm actually getting to the point where I don't want ice cream sometimes. Or french fries. I can eat a salad and think, no I just want this salad. Even free food has little appeal when I'm not in the mood for it. Maybe there is something to the whole listening to your body thing, I've just never trusted myself long enough to indulge sans guilt believing in myself I would level off.

Which gets me to a whole other topic. I've decided the best way to teach is by example. I should be everything I want my children to be and secondly correct their behavior when they go astray. So how do I teach them emotionless eating and exercising for enjoyment when I still don't have those things figured out yet. Maybe my kids will help me be a better person because I'll try harder for them. Men (my husband in particular) has never had these issues. He eats fruits and veggies because it keeps him healthy and fit. Simple as that. No - I don't feeeeeeel like an apple, I want a cookie. He just does it. What a concept. What happens that men grow up without the emotional baggage that women have? And how do I get my kids to be like that?

Earthly Pleasures

2010-09-08T20:30:00.005-05:00

1) MAC. I love the MAC stores. Not the ones in department stores. Those are usually nice too, but the actually stand alone stores.....wonderful! The employees are so super nice and always willing to help with a new look and you can get palates there. In the department store ones you can only get the eyeshadows in their own case thing. They never make me feel frumpy there even if I go in in sweats. LOVE MAC.

2) Coffee. And boy do I miss it. The smell of a brewing cup. Pressing down on the coffee press. The warmth, the taste. Yes the caffeine is a pick me up, but just the full bodied smell is enough to make me perk up.

3) Sweaters. Being cozy and warm is a top priority for me. Sweaters are both and also fashionable. I love a layered look. Sweater season is HERE and I am happy!

4) Punch pizza. I can only assume this is what pizza taste like in Italy. It is by far my favorite pizza although sometimes I do like the regular American kind. This come piping hot out of a wood burning oven with tons of fresh tomato sauce and buffalo mozzarella cheese. And don't get me started on the rosemary focaccia. Yum, yum, yumm.

5) Beethoven. I;m not sure why it started, but I always have loved his music. I walked down the aisle to Romance in F. Absolutely beautiful. I found my Essential Beethoven cd and have been listening to it on repeat for the last week.

Bring on Fall

2010-08-25T08:49:00.007-05:00

I love that I live in a location where the seasons change. There are new things to look forward to with every year. A change in wardrobe, a change in scenery, a change in fresh foods, a change in activities.

In the Fall, I look forward to the changing leaves, fires, sweatshirts, running/walking outside in good weather, squash and apple pie, football...

SIDE NOTE: Before anyone calls foul on me for that one, yes I am not a big football fan. But I like what football season means and that is hanging out with friends during the game, the food, Sunday's being lazy and laying on the couch, fantasy football with friends and tailgating. If I happen to catch some of the game during that, we llthen bonus.

But what I really look forward to most has just arrived!!!

My two favorite fall companion guides

The Old Testament and The New Testament otherwise known as Vogue and Lucky.

I was a subscriber to Vogue for over 10 years through high school, college and beyond. Then I let it pass deciding that I could get by on the Spring and Fall issues alone. When Lucky came out it was the perfect balance of wearable, somewhat sensibly priced (better than Vogue anyway), easy to find fashion. I've kind of been off magazines in general for a while because I feel they are too predictable and too frequent for my lifestyle. But I can still enjoy a good read like these twice a year!

I usually take 2-4 hours thumbing through EVERY SINGLE PAGE making notes, ripping out pages, using the handy-dandy "YES" and "MAYBE" stickers provided by Lucky for items that I want, nay, NEED to add to my wardrobe for the next season. This year is all fanciful dreaming since none of that stuff is going to fit. But maybe I can fandangle a few ideas into some cute maternity outfits.

Either way I can't wait until this weekend when it will just be me, the magazines and hope for a wonderful fall season.

New Wardrobe

2010-08-20T14:44:00.009-05:00

I'm wearing my first pair of maternity pants today. I must say they are mighty comfortable. I balked for YEARS at elastic waistbands when I was struggling with my weight. But with my regular clothes getting snugger and so uncomfortable, I put on a pair of high waisted maternity pants and it's pure BLISS!!! I even wondered why I didn't wear pants like this all the time! These are my turkey eating pants.

I think the pants make me look farther along than I am so I'm posting a "regular clothes" picture for comparison. I'm just past 4 months.

I might not have been running much lately, but that hasn't stopped my running gear shopping! I bought this neon green Nike shirt that I once saw someone wearing and wanted for my own. I couldn't pass it up even if I don't need it at the moment. It's not like I bought a new pair of shoes. I've already planned my triumphant return to running next year though (for which I will need gear). I'm going to sign up for the Women's Running Camp through MDRA this April. This was the first running group I was ever with and I loved it. I thought the begging running group would be perfect for me to get back into the swing of things.

cha-cha-cha-cha-cha Changes

2010-08-12T14:27:00.009-05:00

I've been blogger-absent for a while. Things have changed. MY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED!!!

Priorities. Lifestyle. Interests and hobbies.

Running has come to a scrrrreeeeecching halt. Which in a way has opened up my life for more things. Like cooking and cleaning and evenings.

I guess I should get to the changes right away:

1. I'm pregnant. Thus the screeching halt to the running. My doctor told me not to. No - that's a lie. I always envisioned myself at the pinnacle of my running career, getting pregnant and then parlaying that into an awesome pregnant running career where I could brag to other runners as I passed by that there is a "Baby on Board" with a big old belly and a smile. But who am I kidding. I've never passed anyone. That's probably the biggest flaw in my dream. Seriously though, I was in no condition to start up running again after I hadn't been running before getting pregnant.

I ran the Lumberjack 5K in Stillwater on July 25th; I was 13 weeks. Busted my butt to finish in 39 minutes. It was pretty enjoyable though. Felt good to be running. Until the end when I thought I could make one last push to cross the finish line. I can't explain it but it's not the same. My "push" at the end took a lot out of me. It was all just a lot harder than I remember. I'm opting out of the Minneapolis Duathlon at the end of August. I can't remember the last time I worked out for 2+ hours. I don't think I will start now.

So running is on hold, but I'm enjoying walking, swimming laps and I even took a water aerobics class! It was a little strange that Louie the 85 yo water aerobic veteran was helping me out, but the folks are nice and I felt comfortable in the water and felt it was a good workout for me.

2. I'm taking piano lessons in September. This I am SUPER-DE-DUPER excited for. Going to start with 1/2 hour lessons once a week. I played for years until I graduated high school. Now that I'm an adult, and paying for my own lessons (sorry mom and dad) I feel more serious about it in a way; more focused.

3. I'm cooking more and more. I started getting into Indian dishes. This was my best creation. It was some kind of peanutty chicken with rice and lentils and chapati bread. Very good. For Christmas I got a subscription to Cook's Illustrated. I can't tell you how much I love this magazine. Each recipe is a 2 page spread that talks about how and why the recipe was developed to get it just perfect. It's all the mechanics of a recipe which I love because I am much more of a direction following, if this then that, in the box type chef. I'm not the creative one who just "knows" what happens when you beat an egg white before adding it to the recipe and maybe I'll throw this in to give a pop of texture. I like to read the science behind it all.

4. Now that I've been thinking baby, I'm thinking CLEAN HOUSE. I can't have a toddler looking like a French lady with hairy legs because they've been crawling around the house picking up all the dog hair. It's going to have to be an everyday process that I'm still trying to figure out how to fit it all in. I used to just do a vacuum on the weekends with every other weekend being a move-the-furniture vacuum. The Swiffer vacuum thing is my new best friend though as I'm using that daily and still vacuuming on the weekends. I'll probably go psycho on the cleaning in about 3 months when the "nesting" sets in. Who knows.

So it's on to new endeavors! I'm looking forward to blogging about fitness other than running, and hobbies other than dieting!

Workouts abound

2010-04-09T09:20:00.004-05:00

This week working out has been good.

Monday: 30 minute walking intervals on the treadmill - what a workout for walking! We started at an incline of 5 @ 3.5mph and every minute increase the incline by 1 up to 15 and then back down. 3 times. Except I only did up to 10 and back down twice. Then we did about 5 minutes of abs.
Tuesday: 30-40 minutes of kettle bells. My friend is teaching me the way of the bell. It's fun.
Wednesday: 20 minutes on an elliptical, 5-10 minutes of abs, 1 hour of kickboxing at night
Thursday: 20 minutes of kettle bells, about 30 seconds of abs. We were beat. 2 hours of shopping in the evening.

For week one we did pretty good. I'm sore all over today. Kind of petered out towards the end, but we worked out at 6AM every day. We did something at least. Next week I sense greater success!

The only somewhat sad part is that I didn't run at all. I was busy most nights so wasn't able to get out. I'll run on Saturday and/or Sunday. I've enjoyed my no-goal-oriented running. That's why I'm only somewhat sad that I didn't run. All the other workouts were fun and good.

I'd like to go to this class called STRIKE on Monday nights at the gym, I'd like to incorporate at least 1 weekly yoga session, the perfect amount would be to run 3X a week, I'm interested in the kickboxing I did on Wednesday - doing that once a week, continuing with the 6AM workouts is a must, an occasional spin class would be fun and I'd like to get back to the abs workout class on Saturdays or Sundays. Oh and swimming - one or two sessions of swimming would be fun! And bike riding; I like to bike ride. And that's it. Obviously all of that is NOT going to happen. So how do I schedule it all, or plan for it all to happen occasionally? I guess I have to prioritize and rank. Like spin, STRIKE, swimming might only be a once a month kind of thing.

The most important thing is that I have a positive outlook towards working out again. That's a step in the right direction.

Onward and upward

2010-04-05T09:30:00.002-05:00

I was in somewhat of a time crunch on Saturday so I ran a little over 4 miles instead of 5. My goal for next weekend will be to make it around 2 lakes. This morning I went to the gym before work and it felt really good. A person really does motivate themselves by doing. If I were to sit around and wait for the motivation to strike, I'd probably still be sitting. Over the past 4 months I have attempted countless times to start a new regimen, only to "seriously this time" start again the next week. I feel like I've been trying to stand up after lounging in a super cushy papasan chair or something. I tried to hoist myself up and out so many times, and many times when I fell back in I just thought - OK, I'll rest up and attempt to get out later. Other times I would try several times in a row, only to fall back into the cushion in frustration.

I feel like I finally made it out of that chair though. So that's the struggle with motivation. You just have to keep pushing and pushing and believe that one day you will get out again. I just keep thinking it's not over yet. I'm only a quitter when I quit trying.

It's going

2010-04-02T09:09:00.002-05:00

Monday: ran 3 miles
Wednesday: Walked Lake Calhoun
Thursday: ran Lake Calhoun

Saturday: Run 5ish miles

I am pleased. Not tickled, but content. It's not easy, but I just keep reminding my self to enjoy. Enjoy the outdoors, enjoy running and the sites. Just have fun. Because if I don't have fun, I get tired and think about how far back I am and how I just want to be faster, better, stronger. Instead, just be. As I am just doing, just be. And that is going well.

I can't remember the last time I just exercised simply because it felt good. For the past 3-4 years I've had a goal. To run this race or that event. When I first started to lose weight I exercised for weight loss. Then I had goals. But what about running because I just like it. I just want to. I have enjoyed running these past years or I would have stopped long ago, but still - there has always been a goal. So in the tradition of letting go, not being afraid to lose, I'm just running and exercising focusing on the feel good aspect of it. For the sheer enjoyment.

This is not easy. I don't always WANT to go to the gym or go running. But I'm trying to remain focused on why I am doing these things. Goals are great. They give you the extra nudge you need to keep going. Don't give up on goals. I'm not. I'm just trying a new angle. Which, when I think about it is just another method to keep me going.

Serioulsy though, did the change the distance around Lake Calhoun? What is it, 3.5, 3.8 miles around now? I don't remember it EVER taking me 38 minutes to run it. But it did yesterday. Huh. No change? It's me? Huh.

Finding my footing again

2010-03-29T15:39:00.003-05:00

A part of me is embarrassed to start posting again; ashamed that I have been gone for so long. Not running for so long. Not doing much of anything for so long. How could I forget how great I feel when I finish running for 2 hours. How strong I feel when I can do 20 push ups (could I really do 20 push ups?) I was looking at pictures of races from the past 5 years. How could I not see the shape I was in. I totally took it for granted.

But here's what it comes down to. You do or you don't. There is not try. There was a long string of didn't, now is the time to do.

Two things I know. 1) I need more lean muscle mass. Kick-ass mass, haha. 2) I need to log some miles. I've been interested lately in the shorter races again. Thinking that I can work up to long runs ranging from 10-13 miles, but focus on the shorter distances for racing. 5 and 10K. I still am not in a huge hurry to map out an entire race season like I did last year, but I open to a few things. The Minneapolis duathlon being one. Biking is grand.

Something I just thought of, I would like to challenge myself to be uncomfortable for a race. When people 'race' a race they push themselves to the brink to get the best time possible. I'm more of a distance challenger. I don't like to be uncomfortable. For one, I'm afraid of failure so I often times don't even start. But this year. I think I could try one 5k where I set a goal and if I blow out at 2.5, well, I tried. Try again later. Eventually I would get there.

The time has come to stop blogging about the plan and start blogging about the progress. I've been pounding sand for too long.

Goat Milk and More

2010-01-21T11:31:00.005-06:00

I hear goat milk is good for you. I bought some. You know how pheasant (or any wild animal) tastes a little gamey? Well, goat milk tastes like......crap. It's so gross. It has this overwhelming flavor of "stink" that no amount of Nestle Quick can cover. I've tried. If it didn't have a flavor I might be able to get over it, but all I can picture is a dirty old goat being milked. And who milks a goat anyway? It's like milking a cat. Sick. Why? No. Wrong. This guy at work told me that in India they milk water buffalo; that the milk has the highest level of vitamin D and calcium. Um. No. Don't think I'll be trying that one either even if it was available in the US. I think it's cow or nothing for me. Like I said; I tried.

In other successful news my friend and I signed up for rock climbing classes. We go to Vertical Endeavors in St. Paul. A few months ago I thought I might rock climbing. Actually, I think I like the body of rock climbers. Lean, muscular. With that image in mind I DEFINITELY want to be a rock climber. After a few attempts at a more difficult spot on the wall (more difficult for a non-climber) I tried an easier spot. I made it all the way to the top. I loved it. I still felt like I was tough, using all my muscle groups but also it felt achievable. I much prefer something a little easier to climb than only being 4 feet off the ground and getting stuck. Can't wait for this class next week! Plus, it's only $15/day. Plus you have to rent the harness, shoes and caribeener (sp?) but that's minimal. I suppose it's like a day of snowboarding.

Speaking of snowboarding, I'm dying to go!! Haven't been yet this year, and I'm going to go at least once before January closes. Better hurry!

14 Days of Classes: Day 9, 10 and ?

2010-01-12T09:01:00.003-06:00

I forgot. While the blogging fell to the wayside, the workouts continued. I forgot how I finished out my week. I think I only got in 12 classes but I did have fun and found some classes that I will go back to(at the SLP Lifetime). Those classes include STRIKE! which is a program developed by Everlast. High intensity, muscle building. Fun. Core I loved on Saturday's and Sundays. Even Studio Ride on an occasional Sat/Sun I would do. And the first class I did on Saturday morning January 2nd - 8AM barbell strength. Those were my faves.

I'm ready to begin running again, but I don't know how to get back into it. The simple answer is: run. Novel concept. So yes, I need to just start already. 2 miles here and there on the treadmill, 4 outside on a Saturday would at least be a start. I'm planning my next race to be the Minneapolis 1/2 Marathon on June 6th. Not too much pressure yet. I vacillate between setting goals to slowly build my miles, starting with nothing too intimidating or just committing to run 3-4 days a week and see where that gets me. It's clear that I do need a plan, but is my 3-4 day commitment enough. I don't want to hate running and feel disappointed by not getting my 15 miles in or whatever. I need a little less conversation, a lot more action.

14 Days of Classes: Day 6 Supplement

2010-01-11T09:49:00.003-06:00

I forgot about Day 6. I went to a class called Fluid Strength. It was a light workout, although I'm a firm believer that if something is light, you can always make it harder for yourself or you just aren't doing it right. Take pilates. Half the time when I thought something was easy, I discovered I wasn't doing it right. Do it right, it's tough. Anyway, it was low impact and most of the moves were sweeping side to side lunge type things that just killed my left knee. It was painful. I'm sure if I could have gotten into the position more, it would have been a better workout.

The class consisted of several series of postured and poses (mostly yoga) repeated in fluid flowing movements. I would go to this class again if I wanted a gentle cardio workout in the 'fat burning' zone. It wasn't one of my favorites, nor will I be attending regularly. But as always, it was good to experience.

14 Days of Classes: Day 7 and Day 8

2010-01-11T09:17:00.004-06:00

This is my report for classes on days 7 and 8 of my challenge. If you are following along at home you will notice that the days aren't adding up. That's because on Friday, I went to no class. It was nice to stay home.

On Saturday I went to the club and ran 1.5 miles. I think the best way to get back into running is to just run. Novel idea I know. But I don't need a plan yet, I don't need a rigorous schedule. I need to get my body back in the habit of running 3-4 times a week whatever the distance. If I can fit in a run or two this week with my class schedule I will, otherwise I'm going to lighten the class load next week and pick up running again. All I'm going to commit to is scheduling 3-4 runs a week. No particular distance, just go with it but get back in the groove. I can worry about distances in February.

After my light run, I went to Bruce's Core class again. I'm keeping this one in my routine for sure. My core is one thing that is so important to everything else in my body and the one thing I neglect more than anything else.

Sunday I had a choice between Bruce's cycle class or yoga & meditation. I thought I probably could use the cardio workout, but I chose yoga & meditation. And it was HEAVENLY! The poses feel so good, it's just one big giant stretching class with relaxation afterwards. A very nice addition to a Sunday along with church and some good coffee.

So while I don't have any new classes to report on from the weekend it was nice to be at the gym. It's not quite as busy so I like it better. Tonight, I am going to try for a new experience at 6PM.

14 Days of Classes: Day 5

2010-01-07T09:00:00.003-06:00

Stage 1: Excitement
Stage 2: Focus
Stage 3: Doubt
Stage 4: Anger
Stage 5: Acceptance

Before I began this challenge I was really excited. I thought it sounded like such a great idea. As I stepped into the first class I was focused. Ready to give my body a well needed workout. After the second class, I wasn't sure I could keep up this daily classes schedule. Going into Day 5 I was angry. Angry at the gym for allowing too many people, angry with the people for getting in my way, angry with myself for thinking up this stupid idea. I was so sore and so tired and so ready to quit.

But I went to The MIXX last night. Line out the door just to enter the gym. NO LOCKERS. I had to lug all my stuff into the classroom. 30 people waiting outside the class to get in when the current class finished. Despite my attitude I went in. I gave a half hearted attempt to keep up. In fact performance has been on a steady decline since the spin class. It was NOT one of those times, where I finish and was glad I went.

Then I woke up this morning starting to feel a little better. My body doesn't ache as much and I think I have moved through the worst and am on my second wind. Who would have thunk it! I'm ready again to work hard.

I'll recap yesterday's class a little. The MIXX with my fave instructor Katie. Again, she never ceases to blow my mind with the shape that she is it. Incredible energy! The MIXX is part kickboxing, part dance, part step. Really, it's a lot of jumping and punching and moving back and forth. It was a lot of high intensity repetition; not the most exciting moves, but with Katie and the music she plays, the time passes quickly.

Hopefully the hardest (mental) part is over. I'm looking forward to Medetation Yoga on Sunday!

14 Days of Classes: Day 3 and 4

2010-01-05T08:26:00.003-06:00

Last night for class number 3 I went back to an old standard. A class I hadn't been to in over a year, but one that I always loved. It's called Dance Jam and is taught by the absolute best, most energetic aerobics instructor I have ever met. And what I like even more about her, is she's not rail tight and ripped looking. She looks completely curvy and soft, but don't let that fool you, she's not soft. Firm, strong, quick....woah. I can't keep up with her. Even at my best. The gist of this class is that you learn segments of a dance and then do it start to finish performance style at the end. A year ago I had the thing down cold. This year, she's changed it up and I was back to paying super attention, missing half the moves and trying to find the beat. But it was a great workout! It's about a 90 minute class. I left after 60 minutes because at that point she usually switches it up and teaches a harder choreographed shorter piece. They build that piece out for about 4 weeks. I had about all I could learn and keep up with in 60 minutes. Sorry I left Katie!! But you killed me kiddo!

This morning, I had to go to a 6AM class because I've got plans with friends for dinner. The hardest part of this class I thought was going to be getting up at 5:30. That was hard, but the class was much harder. It was Yoga Vinisya II - whatever. It was a semi heated yoga class - about 85-90 degrees in the room, and it really focused on fluid poses cycling through different movements. I would put it in the fitness category. I'm really worn out from not giving my muscles a break so I totally flopped in class. I thought about leaving after a half hour because I wasn't doing well. But I stuck it out. I would go back again for a workout yoga class. But today I was hoping for more of a relaxing yoga class. I've liked other classes better, and the time of day is not really my style.

The reason I wanted to do this challange was to try new things, get a jump start on working out again, have fun. I am accomplishing all of these, but I'm not so sure 14 days in a row is the best idea I've ever had. I am happy that I am maintaining a commitment, something I need to learn how to do again and I am feeling good about exercising. But to do well in any of these classes, a break in between would be better. I'm resigned to just doing the best I can, knowing that my best now will not be my best ever.

14 Days of Classes: Day 2

2010-01-04T08:45:00.004-06:00

SueBob made a comment on yesterdays post that 14 classes (mostly new ones) in 14 days sounded like a lot of sore muscles. And after only Day 2 I tell you she is RIGHT. It's only Day 2 and whew! I'm beat. Because up until this 14 day challenge I was on 2 months of basically nothing. It's a shock to the system. I do have some yoga classes and 30 minutes classes scheduled into the mix so hopefully that will be a rest. And I'm trying not to do the same type of class twice in a row.

Sunday I went to Studio Cycle at 4PM with Bruce. I've only been to 1 maybe 2 cycling classes ever and everything I thought about cycling classes was confirmed once again. I hate them. I like the instructor. A LOT actually. He was kind of like the Rev. Jesse Jackson/Mitch Hedberg of spin. "You gotta beeeeelieeeeve!" I liked the imagery and the people and the room and almost everything else about it. But what trumps all of the things I like about this class? It's SO MUCH WORK. Oh man does it ever kick my butt. I'm more a path of least resistance girl and there is much resistance in cycle classes. I hate to admit to myself, but cycling are great classes and if I went more regularly they would help improve my fitness a lot. I'll go again. Reluctantly. But it's good for me. One thing I did like about the class is that he helps you visualize going up a hill by the height of his arms. For example we had 1 minute of a hill left and he started out with his arms in the air, standing up. Buy the end of the "hill" and the minute he was crouched on the floor with his palms touching the ground. And we were done.

After cycling I joined Bruce again for 30 minutes of core. He's a hoot! At one point he had us doing crunches on a body ball with one leg crossed over the other. When he could see all of us falling and flailing about he said maybe we should practice more at home. He said we can get the body balls at any local Target. But DO NOT get the blue one. Because they are too big? Because they don't hold up well? Because they are to firm??? No. Because they won't go with A THING in your house. Get white or red :) Ha! I like Bruce. The core class was great because it wasn't 500 sit-ups. We warmed up with pretty standard continuous sit-ups but then we did core work. Planks, twists, balance. So much more that abs. I need this class.

Today I am completely sore from head to toe. My glutes and hamstrings took the brunt of the work on Saturday and Sunday so they are especially screaming. Day 2 finished with 2 more classes that I really enjoyed. I need more cross training in my life.

14 Days of Classes: Day 1 (really)

2010-01-02T22:19:00.003-06:00

This morning I got up at 7am to go to Barbell Strength which started at 8. I didn't know what to expect from the gym parking lot or the class so I showed up a solid 25 minutes early. Course I parked right away and walked right in. I think it might have had something to do with the fact that it was 11 below 0! Good. Weed out the slackers. I can't say that with any conviction though because more often than not I am that slacker.

The class started out with a million and two squats. With weights and stuff. And everything on my body was shaking. I must have registered at least a 5.0 on the Richter. It was good though. I'll definitely be trying this class again because it worked all of my muscle groups. By the end even though we moved on to different muscle groups, my body was just tired so even the triceps at the end were difficult. She gave us a pretty compact yet solid ab workout in the last 5 minutes too.

I'm so stiff already. But as I said, it was good.

14 Days of Classes: Day 0

2010-01-01T17:07:00.002-06:00

As one may guess, no blogging = no running. I guess that's not entirely true. I ran a 5k on Thanksgiving. Once or twice I ran 3 miles on a Saturday morning with the MDRA Polar Bear group. I chugged out a few miles on the treadmill here and there. I've probably averaged about .82 miles per week since the Monster Dash on Halloween. Coincidentally that's probably how many pounds I have averaged gaining each week since the Monster Dash too. And that is entirely true.

But that is was New Year's resolutions are for. Nay, not just a new year, a new decade! I don't really have any resolutions for the long term. I always have plans and goals. But I do seem to gain a little momentum at the changing of the year.

My race plans are on complete month by month basis. No scheduling the entire year in January. I've got the road map worked out for January to get me running 15 miles a week again so I can maybe try to start running with the MDRA spring marathon training program. That doesn't mean I'm training for a marathon. But by the time I get there - who knows!

So getting back to the momentum of the new year and starting fresh and trying new things I decided to do 14 days of classes. I plan to go to a class a day at the gym in the hopes of trying something other than running, building my fitness base back again, and having some fun. Starting today! January 1. So what class did I go to today? Well, um yeah. About that.......

I started the day at 11AM running the Polar Dash 5k. It was and ok run. Saw a friend there to run with which always makes it better. I planned on hitting yoga at the gym at 5:45. I thought I should double check the schedule just to be sure. After all, it is a holiday. Apparently I should have checked earlier because there was no 5:45 yoga class. And the last class I could have gone to for the day started in 5 minutes. Big time bummer!!! Yes, I could have checked at a different gym for their schedule, but I didn't. So Day 1 was a bust. But I'm not disheartened. I still did something good for my body. And my ego, as we got HUGE medals. For a 5K! :) Seriously the medals make me want to run the whole Team Ortho challenge thing and get all 4 medals. Darn you Team Ortho! How you suck me in with your discount offers on the marathon and fancy schmancy hats and gloves and promises of medals and shiny plaques. You almost make me forget that I still have to run A MARATHON. But I won't be trixied that easily. Did I mention you get a plaque for all your medals if you do all four races???? What was I just saying about not planning my racing year out? I forget.

14 Days of Classes will start tomorrow at 8AM with Barbell Strength.

Monster Dash Half Marathon

2009-10-31T16:42:00.005-05:00

I won! As my dad always says - I had the most fun so I was the winner! If they gave a prize for that. But unfortunately the only thing that seems to get measured is your time. And why shouldn't it. It's a race after all. I'm beginning to see why people don't race, just to race. Why they only like to do it when they can do their best. But I still had fun today, so this was still a good race.

The Monster Dash is a bit of a challenging course. It's much hillier than I anticipated. I tried doing the whole "slow down so my perceived effort is constant" approach, but there were many rolling hills and towards the end I just didn't have it in me. My hip was giving me problems again, but not until about mile 9 or so, which is better than Des Moines. My knee felt great, but I think it's going to be tight for a few days. I learned that when my left quad worked itself to the brink, my tendons above my knee took over and absorbed all the impact so that it why I've been having pain. I need to strengthen my quad. I think that is why my hip is sore too. What's with you quad? You're big and bad and supposed to be a menacing force, yet you are punking out time and time again? Ok - so I have asked a lot from you lately. Right quad, maybe you can talk some sense.

Anyway, my main goal for this race was to not injure myself beyond recognition. I knew this race would be a set back in my recovery, but this was it, so I thought if I just took it easy enough the damage wouldn't be too great. Um yeah. I took it easy enough. 2:47:50 easy. Whew. That's hard to swallow. It's weird. I don't feel bad about that time like I'm ashamed or anything. I still ran 13.1 miles and I did the best I could do today, but I don't like it to be written down. In the books. I didn't want it to 'count'. Well then, I should have run it. But I think I'm gonna use my daylight savings hour 'fall-back hour' for this race, so my actual time was only 1:48. I didn't invent that joke. Allison's boyfriend did. It's such a good one though, I had to use it as my own - but I added this footnote so it's legal.

I've been talking a lot about the run aspect, but not so much on the fun aspect. The reason why I had a great day anyway. I had a friend who ran a 2:15 for her debut half. Debut running really, she's done a few 5ks but then came out and totally rocked. Plus she won the costume contest. So that was fun to be a part of her day.

My friend Allison (Ally as bloggers know her) and I were Chippendale dancers. I was skeptical at first, but it totally rocked! We looked fabulous! I'll post some pictures later. I think I've got to get this post published already. But I had a great time running. I stopped to linger at the water stops. Ate my gel, walked on. Ran on, waved to the locals. It was so leisurely. As my time shows. But I enjoyed the whole dang thing. So maybe while the time is hard to swallow, it's one of those things where I just enjoyed the race. Contrary to what I was just talking about in the first few paragraphs. Am I running for fun or for performance? Pick one and then stick to it. I had fun, that was the point. No need to get all worked up about performance. A week later, I've let it go.

I fully recommend this race. Two very enthusiastic thumbs UP!

Photo Recap

2009-10-21T10:03:00.007-05:00

Along the TCM course

Finish in SIGHT!

WOAH Nelly! Time to stop!

Good show for the camera at Des Moines 1/2

Truth is I was grimacing in pain.

These pictures make it look like I actually have a stride instead of a lame shuffle!

I juiced it at the end and managed to pass one last person. His chip time was faster though :(

What are you saying?

2009-10-21T09:16:00.003-05:00

I'm saying, I think running and my body are no longer in love. They just want to be friends. The Des Moines 1/2 Marathon race report comes with a longer post-race report instead.

Just when I thought the weather couldn't be any better for a run than it was during TCM, we went to Des Moines and discovered IT COULD BE. It was about the same temperature, but it was sunny. The sun gave you just the right amount of heat in the crisp fall air. I wanted to go out with the 2:20 pace group. Why - I have no idea. (yes I do know - I always want to be better than I was) It was 2 weeks since the marathon and I wanted to PR the race by 4 minutes when I am at the point in my running ability when 4 minutes is a big deal. It's not like your first 10K and then 1 running year later you knock 23 minutes off. I pushed for the 2:24 I got at the Gopher to Badger 1/2. It ended up not mattering because the 2:20 pacer was gone like a rocket and left me in the exhaust. Note: I ran the first mile in 10:50 and the 2:20 pace group was NOT 9 seconds ahead of me even though we started at the same time.

Into the race. I went out around 11 minute miles and felt pretty good. Until mile 6. PAIN. My right hip absolutely ached. Not a sharp pain but felt like it popped out of the joint or something. I made it to mile 6, and decided this was it. The best I could do today was all that was needed and I needed to walk. When I started to run again, my knee was giving me major problems thus my stride was choppy and uneven and unbalanced and painful. On the verge of tears, I told myself to slow it down, be smooth, take smaller steps...just work through it. And that helped. For the rest of the race when my hip started to hurt I knew I had to walk to give it a break and then I was good for another 3/4 - 1 mile - which is about where the water stops were so it worked out well. It got better after mile 7 or so and I finished the race in 2:25:54! Only 2 minutes off my PR and I was walking a lot and just off a marathon! This tells me that when I could, I WAS RUNN-ING! I was pleased and besides the obvious hip and knee pain, I felt GOOD at that pace.

Post-race though, I'm concerned. I tried running on a treadmill the other day and felt ok. Only did 1.5 miles but the knee didn't hurt. Then I got a massage. But today, my hip is still hurting me and my knee is hurting in all kinds of new places. I've never been known as the one who ever over exerts leading to injury. I always do the minimum. I got a Dr. apt on Friday to just check things out. The fact that my right quad and right calf are sore like crazy and my same left muscles are fine, tells me that something was off during that race. I'm hoping the outcome is that I need rest and stretching and strengthening. I don't think it's any actual "injury". But Chad commented that maybe it's time for a rest and then to come back strong in November. And I'm thinking that is a super idea.

Except.

I am signed up for the Monster Dash 1/2 Marathon. I just want the medal that turns into a belt! But I am also acutely aware of what my body it telling me. I wanted that race to be my season ending high, but that ship might have sailed with the Des Moines half. And that's ok with me. I'm running 7-8 on Saturday depending what I hear at the Doc's and how I feel. I'm going to go day by day and see how I feel and relax a little instead of feel the pressure to get out there and maintain or run harder and faster. I do want to sign up for another 1/2 in January in FL, but what's important to me is that running and me remain friends. We can see other people for a while, but I think it is in both of our best interests to go on a break.

On my mind today

2009-10-16T14:04:00.003-05:00

You know what hard? Consistency.

Consistency is what makes a good person great. It's a defining line between amateur and professional. Think of where you would be if you just took one thing and made a consistent effort at it.

I'm just saying. If I build one bookshelf, they don't call me a carpenter. I don't hit the driving range once and declare myself a great golpher.

Commitment. I can commit. I got married didn't I? I committed to training and running a marathon. I am committed to doing my job to the best of my ability. I need to commit to consistency. I'm hitting a post-marathon slump. Where I want to ride the rest of the year out in gluttony and laziness. But I haven't fully succumbed to that fate and I'll fight it to the death. My brain is still actively fighting the voice of the quitter and the enticement of McDonalds french fries (even though they are playing Monopoly at McDonalds and I LOVE McDonalds monopoly season).

Just some random ramblings on a Friday afternoon. Sunday, I am running the Des Moines 1/2 Marathon. My left knee has been hurting; think it needs more rest. But that causes my right quad to pull double duty to compensate for the lack of weight I put on my left knee and also causes my left hip to ache because instead of a normal step I push my hip out to take the impact that the knee complains about. Suck it up, Left Knee! We're doing this and we aren't out of the woods yet!

Time to stop being polite and start getting real

2009-10-07T08:13:00.002-05:00

For the past 3 months I have been being polite to my body. Because I was asking a lot to train for a marathon, I appeased it in other ways. Like abstaining from all other forms of exercise and indulging in every treat my heart desired. I was like a first time grandmother when the parents are away - "Anything you want dear".

And that worked for me for a while. I was exercising enough and building more muscle to live the dream baby. Eat whatever you want and still stay slim. Until today.

I can walk! I can walk normal again! There is some residual aches, but I can see the light, I have exercised the demons! But my pants are a little snug. And my abs are more like fl-abs. My shoulders seem less toned.

This woman I run with congratulated me for at least getting 1/3 of my day right when I told her I always start with a good-for-me breakfast, but it goes downhill from there. And while I love her outlook, we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is a habit. To paraphrase Aristotle. And to prove it, I've got great legs, but the rest of me feels like a french fry.

No complaining mind you - these are the facts Jack. And the facts are saying "lift a weight", "drop the brownie", "do a sit-up", "forget the bagel".

I'm not quite sure how this is gonna shake out, but the foggy vision in my brain has a few goals that I'll need to detail out. And soon.

Cross train - yoga, weights, swimming, group classes, spin
Think healthy - not indulgent. Fuel for the body, not comfort for the brain
Get faster so I can run a 2:20 1/2 marathon on Halloween - a PR by 4 minutes

And just so that these goals are a real challenge; I'm super busy this week to start. But what else is new. That's life right. Life can't wait for that perfect day to start. Tonight before my post-marathon party with my group I'm going to try to go 1-2 miles on the treadmill and then some core work and/or weights. I better make sure I have a plan before I get to the gym. A plan ALWAYS helps. Never trust a man without a plan. Just kidding - I just threw that in there to add credibility.

Twin Cities Marathon - 2009

2009-10-05T10:14:00.003-05:00

I really don't even know where to begin. This whole experience has been nothing like anything I've experienced before and not really much of what I thought it would be. It's just a strange feeling.

Usually, I remember everything. Details, feelings, times, distances. But Sunday is just all a blur to me. I got down to the dome in plenty of time to sit with my MDRA peeps and go to the bathroom. The weather was GREAT - 42 degrees. Never rained on my head once the whole way. Since I was in wave two, I sorta of heard a horn go off for wave one, but then next thing I knew is we were walking and then THAT'S IT. We were starting. For real.

I was with 3 other girls from my training group when we crossed the starting line but they quickly pulled away from me and I was sad. I really wanted to run with them, but I had to do my own thing and I kept remembering the coaches saying to take it easy and run your own race and my race called for 12 minute miles. So I had to let them go.

Here's what I remember from miles 0-11. Woah. This is easy. So slow. I got a smile for every fan. Heck even high fives and fist pumps. Man I got a long way to go. This is getting kind of monotonous. Fun, exciting, but monotonous.

Saw my parents and husband at mile 11 and I told them I was feeling great and practically fresh as a daisy. By the time I ran into them again at 13.5 I was starting to feel like I'd been running for 13.5 miles. Knees hurting. A little bored/tired. Not so fresh anymore. Not really thinking about anything.

Miles 14-20 got worse. I kept thinking this is where the rubber hits the road. This stretch is where my mind takes over for my legs and I trust in my training. I had to believe I would get to 22 and I focused on 15. Then on 18. Then on 21 because I knew I would see my family. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. I wanted to know if my legs starting to hurt already was normal. Were other runners feeling this way too? But looking back, I was actually doing great. I wanted to run 5 miles per hour average, and I hit 20 at 3:59. Plus I was really passing people while I was running. I was achy and tired, but still had some juice in me.

I blew right by the wall at 20 excited to see my family at 21 and friends with M&Ms and oranges at 22. I had a HUGE crowd at 21. Aunts, cousins, parents, husbands (just one of those actually). And I got another burst of energy. I surged on to mile 22 and saw my friends and that propelled me to mile 23. At mile 23 ish (I think) I saw some folks from my MDRA group. They had a huge sign so I could see them from a ways back and they cheered me on. Then the coach of our group was there a little bit up and yelled my name and to stay strong. All this lasted until about 23. 23-25 were tough. I lost 2 minutes off my pace somewhere between 20-25 even with all that cheering. I think it probably happened after 23 to be honest. I started walking at the 1/2 miles more and more.

Going from 25 to 26.2 was great. For some reason 1 mile didn't seem like that much to me. There were fans and a lot to look at and it flew by. Plus I ran into a lady that works at the same company. Different building, but she was really supportive and we ran together and encouraged each other. The last .50 at least I think I had a pretty good kick. I caught site of the capital and there was no stopping me. I was so glad TO BE DONE. Five hours is a long day! Official chip time: 5:17. And I look back and I can't think of one place where I could have done more. The way I felt finishing, well, I might not have had that same feeling if I didn't walk at this point or that point. So absolutely no regrets. I just ran a perfect race.

But here is what I didn't expect. I've had more emotional races. I think I've even had more meaningful ones. Don't get me wrong. THIS WAS AMAZING! But I didn't get too emotional at the end. And I thought my first 1/2 marathon was harder. Heck, I think my first 10k was harder. In my opinion I was well trained for this race. And 20 miles is hard. 26.2 hurts the same, you just have to be smarter in the beginning of the race and then hold on for longer. I owe a lot to the coaches and trainer in my group from MDRA. They know how to run marathons and train people.

Here's what I think of the marathon. It's a strange race. Because you spend the first 1/2 and then some holding back, pacing steady, waiting for the 'race' portion to start. Then by the time you get to the 'race' portion you don't have anything left to race with and you are just trying to hold steady like you did in the first 1/2. That's just my take at my ability level. But it's like you are waiting for the moment to go, and when the moment arrives you don't actually go you just hang on.

Next on tap - email the Des Moines Marathon and drop down to the 1/2 marathon. I originally signed up for this race before Twin Cities and until yesterday thought maybe, if I walk a lot, maybe I can do it. I know I could. But I don't want to. The time and energy and pain.....nope. The 1/2 will be a great time. I'll take it easy, and then be ready to rock the Monster Dash on Halloween.

I was just an average runner. Nothing notable really. I found a good group and followed directions and I ran a marathon. Anybody can!! You can!

A Hush Falls Over the Crowd

2009-09-29T14:08:00.002-05:00

All's quite on the front line. I'm a little antsy. Like I have all this pent up energy that is not being exerted anywhere. Huh. I never thought I would find it difficult to take it easy.

I'm ready, sure, but apprehensive. In the way that you know you have something huge looming and the task seems daunting and overwhelming. Like most other things in my life, I've just tried to ignore it.

I know it will be EXCITING. I know I'm gonna feel so BLESSED to be in that starting corral. I'm totally focused on the GLORY. But that pesky feeling of impending work and pain keep side tracking me.

So far for this marathon, I've stopped drinking alcohol (most of the time), I've put on weight, I'm about to experience a lot of pain which will quickly be forgotten when they put a medal around my neck, I'm tired all the time, I've got chafe marks that won't go away.....wait am I training for a marathon here or was I pregnant? Just kidding.

This whole wonderful experience will be coming to a close in a few days and for that I am a little sad. You only get one go around for the first time of anything. I've enjoyed it all. Even in the last few weeks when I was getting a little burned out. I know I've changed. My views towards running have actually changed. This is already great. The work ahead and finishing is only the final scene.

Holding Back

2009-09-14T09:39:00.003-05:00

This weekend I was registered for two races. The Blubber Run 5K on Saturday and the City of the Lakes 25K on Sunday. Here's why:

We ALWAYS do the Blubber Run. It's only for fun; people dress in costume and there is a beer stop at the 1/2 way point. And lunch afterwards and then prizes for the costumes.
I signed up for the 25K way before I knew I wanted to run a marathon and it was supposed to be my long distance run this year.

Here were two races that I was registered for that I knew I would not be "racing". What I didn't know was how much that would SUCK. It's totally mental I know, but it is soooooo HARD to be walking something that you KNOW you could run and have all sorts of people pass you.

My plan for the 5K was to run super-de-duper easy for the 1st half and then walk the second. I was planning 20 miles on Saturday and I just wanted to be out there for fun, not to run. I started out with a light jog, but the next thing I knew my heart rate was up and I was passing people. Realizing this, I stopped and walked. And then the WORLD passed me. But, but...but...I can run with you! I just can't today :( Sad. Maybe people could tell by my super athletic physique that I was probably a true competitor, but was maybe injured or something. Maybe. Then I met my husband at the 1/2 mark, we had some root beer and then he walked the rest of the way with me. That helped. Because 2 people walking means they are enjoying the day, but 1 person walking a race means......absolutly nothing, I'm just paranoid.

I wasn't actually "racing" the 25K the next day either. This was my last long run of marathon training. The race is 15.5 miles so the plan was to run 4.5 before the race and then use then take advantage of the water stops during the race. Except again, I found it hard not to want to attempt to compete.

First off, I miscalculated my pre-race run and ended up doing 5.5 instead of 4.5. As I approached the start line I could hear them announcing 8 minutes to race time. Shoot! Then 4 minutes, and I started to pick up the pace. So NOT what you want to be doing when you have 15+ miles ahead of you. I got to the start line with enough time to eat a gel, drink 2 glasses of water and take off. While everyone else was excited and took off on mile 1 I stayed the ever-so-slow pace and was working on mile 6.

My mile times for the first 10 miles were 11:12-11:30. And it got hot fast. And it was lonely. I've run every long run this season with my group. I missed them. It wasn't long before I was amongst the last runners. But I forbade myself to look back, repeating over and over that this is not a race. It's not your race. By mile 18 (mile 12.5 for the racers) I'd had it. I didn't think I would make it around Lake Harriet one more time. But what else are you gonna do? My average pace slowed way down for the second 10 miles. Backwards from what I wanted to do. A 72 year old lady beat me. Total Tortoise and the Hare situation here. I would pass her, then walk and she would pass me again. Next thing I knew she was out of sight and I was strugging to go a half mile at a time.

So I finished. 21 miles in 4:11. 5 to go for the marathon and I have mixed feelings about that. It's weird. Of course I'll make it. No doubt there, but will I like it? Does it get easier after your first marathon? Like maybe knowing what's in store helps a little? Or you become a better runner or something? Or maybe 1/2 marathons are in fact "where it's at".

Only time will tell. But in the meantime....bring on the taper!

Another personal best - 19 miles!

2009-08-29T16:12:00.005-05:00

"Look to the heavens, you can look to the skies.
You will find redemption staring back into your eyes.
There is protection and there's peace the same,
burnin' your ticket for that long black train."

Today's 19 miles was uneventful - just how you want it to be. I do feel better after getting this run in the books, and I feel like I'm gonna be ok. I'm still surprised at how one can run even when things start to hurt as bad as they do.

We started out at a great pace and walked about every 10 minutes, which really helped later on in the run. I think I should of had 4 gels instead of 3 and I am going to need to eat real food on race day during the run. I think maybe a rice crispie bar. I just need something sitting in my stomach.

I tested out my race day outfit and it worked pretty well. Found out all the body glide spots that will need it. There aren't too many. In general, I'm not prone to a lot of chaffing. I'm more The Princess and The Pea type. I bruise like a peach. I wore my hydration belt and I feel like I got punched in both sides of my waist where the water bottles kept banging on my hips. I'm sure I'll have two lovely bruises there tomorrow.

Sleep is the only thing on my mind right now. But while everything else about me is worn out, I have a renewed outlook on running that everything is gonna be ok.

Shaken Faith

2009-08-28T10:08:00.004-05:00

"There's an engineer on that long black train,
Makin' you wonder if the ride is worth the pain,
He's just waiting on your heart to say,
Let me ride on that long black train."

"If your going through hell, keep on movin',
Don't slow down,
If your scared run through it,
You might get out, 'for the devil even knows your there."

Where have I been? Busy I guess. These two songs have been going through my mind a lot lately. I guess they just have meaning as to what I've been feeling. How much longer is training? How much further do I have to go next week? Why did I sign up for this? Cuz I'm kind of over it. Just a little bit. I still am very excited for the race and feel good about the progress I've making and what I've done, but mine eyes have been awakened to the pain that is The Marathon. It's similar to when I was awakened to the pain that was the 10 mile, but it goes much deeper. Much deeper. It's just something that your body has to adjust to and it's always harder the first time around.

I had a good 17.5 mile run. It ended in pain and a lot of rest but generally a good feeling.

Tomorrow I'm doing 19. Close to 20 but not quite. I'll save 20 for a few more weeks.

While the long runs have been good, I've had a few rocky weeks. Last week I was on vacation in New Mexico, land of 5500 feet altitude. And I freak myself out, probably more than necessary, about how I will be affected. We were busy hiking and cooking and spending time with family, and a planned total of 19 miles, turned out to be a measly 3. The long run (which was a cutback week) of 10 miles never happened and I only did 3.2 on the Sunday we left.

This week was more of the same. Tuesday night left me devastated, running 10 miles after work with the group. Because I wasn't ready for 4 miles the next morning, it didn't get done because my evening was full, so I missed my window. No biggie, but then I didn't run yesterday either; busy evening but I could have made a choice to run instead of what I did choose. Chalk up another missing 6 miles. I'm at a 10 mile deficit for this week then too. Grrrr. I feel like crap about it and I don't want to feel like crap. I want to feel like I did when I was writing about how prepared I was going to be and how I would laugh in the face of "The Wall" come race day.

I would like September to be a solid month. No - be firm. September WILL BE a solid month. I'll be out of town again for the week of Labor Day so that week will be a challenge. I want to run a solid 5 days a week. Even if I can't get the exact mileage in (although that will be a secondary goal) the main goal to hit is 5 days a week for all of September.

Doing the math, it looks like I hit 77% of my running schedule in August (based on # of days ran over scheduled). I think I can do better. Can somebody who has ran a marathon, tell me that I'm still doing ok? I wish I could say that I was self-assured and guilt free. That I always do my best and never look back, but right now I just want to be assured that, while there is room for improvement, I'm not totally lost. I can still have a solid performance and get back to 100% in the game.

I have a hunch this will all be behind me after my run tomorrow and I'll feel back on the wagon. New shoes are in my future as well so there's always that to look forward to. I'm debating going back to Pearl Izumi's which I LOVE, or sticking with another like of Mizuno's. Tough call.

Gopher to Badger 1/2 Marathon

2009-08-10T11:59:00.006-05:00

I'll get to the good stuff right away and then explain in detail how it all went down.

Personal Best time for a 1/2 marathon!
Rainy and overcast > sunny and humid
Cool t-shirt and medal
Nice route
Overall feeling of confidence and still has some gas to burn at the end

Here's how it all went down. Conversations about this race I found typically go like this:

ME: I'm running the Gopher to Badger Half"

OTHER PERSON: "Have you ever run that one before?"

ME: "No. But it's on my birthday so I signed up"

OTHER PERSON: "Ooooh. It's a hot one. Good luck. Be prepared for the heat. It's just cornfields and a highway and you. But have fun!"

Even the weather man predicted 94 degrees and 99.9999999% humidity. So I was prepared. I wore a hat and my lightest colored outfit which happened to be my MDRA race singlet to represent. I had elecrolyte tablets and I kept telling myself that it would be hot but I would be ready.

Race day: Overcast. Lightning. Cool. I mean how can you be so WRONG? It wasn't even CLOSE to hot and humid. But that was all good because everyone knows that rainy and cool > hot and humid any day. It ended up raining the first 2 miles and then just being a regular overcast cool day. Besides from running with wet shoes it was great! It was a route with a lot of highway running, but I liked it. I ran with some girls from my group. We stuck together up to about mile 8 and then we started to fan out.I ran this race just right. It was exactly what I needed. When you do the right thing in training and then can run a race like this where it just feels so good your confidence skyrockets and you just want to keep working at it the way you have been. Maybe even a little more. I'm going to be so well prepared for this marathon it's not even going to be funny. So if you thought you were going to laugh at my preparations - sorry folks - it just won't be funny :)

We ran up the hills because we've been training for hills. I kept on passing people miles 9-12. Just look at my splits between those miles. Crazy how good I felt.

Mile 1: 10:49

Mile 2: 11:16

Mile 3: 10:51

Mile 4: 11:24

Mile 5: 11:20

Mile 6: 11:11

Mile 7: 11:18

Mile 8: 11:52 (stopped for a bite to eat and water)

Mile 9: 10:52

Mile 10: 10:19 (WOAH NELLY! Rock star mentality! I was jumpin into crowds just to see if they would carry me!)

Mile 11: 10:48

Mile 12: 10:21

Mile 13: 11:27 (includes the .1)

Mile 12-13 I had to talk myself into keeping it up. I did slow down but for the most part I had a great 2nd half. I ended up doing a gel at mile11 which I think helped for the last push. And I also took an Aleve before the run to help with the knee pain.

One of the girls I was running with left us about mile 8 and just kept on truckin! She finished about 5-6 minutes before us. I tried catching the second girl I was with; got close, but then she must have dropped the hammer because she sped up and I never caught her. She finished about 30 seconds before me. My official time was 2:24:14, but given that we were behind the start line and it wasn't chip timed, my watch time put me at 2:23:57. Not a big difference, but at a quick glance you only notice the 24 and the 23. Either way, it was an awesome PR - from 2:29 in the Vegas 1/2 and I feel well on my way to breaking the 2:20 marker.

Takin' er easy

2009-08-04T21:18:00.003-05:00

On Monday night I ran with my girls who are working on their first 5k. I set them up with the Couch to 5k plan and said I would run 1 night a week with them and they do the other 2 on their own. It's been so much fun! I'm so excited to see the running excitement on their faces. My cousin is especially gung ho. Like I said - awesome to see. Running makes me feel so good, I think everyone should be able to experience that some way or another. Anyway, we go at a pretty easy pace for me, but man, my knee was giving me troubles. I kind of hobbled along the whole time thinking that this can't be good. I spent a good deal of time afterwards foam rollering, stretching and doing strength exercises.

Today then for our group run, we did hill repeats. It was about a 1/2 mile long incline that we just looped 6 times (ahem - or some of us did 4). We warmed up for 2 miles and my knee felt ok, didn't hurt as often or as much. Then I chose to run only the uphill and walk down. It ended up to be about 4.5 miles. I think that the downhills that I have been running each Tuesday night are what's contributing to my knee trouble. At any rate, it feels good now. I'm going to finish tonight with the same foam rollering/stretching/strengthening routine and take the rest of the week easy. I want to keep it around 25 miles and make sure I'm rested for the half on Saturday.

Sunday Long Run Report

2009-08-03T10:11:00.005-05:00

I made it. Longest run ever! And 14 felt so good, I did 15.5! That's a complete lie. 14 was rough, but I was half way around Harriet and the other 3 girls and I decided to just finish it out. We had run the whole way together, we should finish together. Is was a really good run. Difficult, but fun. I haven't broken out like that in a long time. It's been over a year since my last longest run ever and I forgot how much it hurts. But it seems like the higher the mileage, the more it hurts to add. Or maybe that's just where I am at right now. I felt really good about that run.

Around mile 11 my lower back on the left side starting hurting so bad. I've never experienced that before. The pain was shooting down and around through my hip. I was stretching every which way I could every chance I got, but it didn't help much. Even walking later that day and the next I would get the pain. Seems like certain movements would make it flare up. Good thing I'm going to the Dr for a tune up soon!

This Saturday is the Gopher to Badger 1/2 and I'm looking forward it. Two of the girls I run with signed up also so that will be really nice to see friendly faces. I've heard it's hot as you run on a highway lined with corn fields, but I'm going to take my electrolyte tablets that I just got and see how that works for me. After hearing reports about the heat this may not be a PR kind of day, but we'll see how it goes. I'm out for fun on this one for sure. It's my birthday for crying out loud - I refuse to be disappointed.

Sunday was 3-5 miles of recovery, which turned out to be 2.5 miles for me. Eh - close enough. Because it was ROUGH. Oh was I exhausted. But today? Waalaa!(that's the American spelling) ack to 100% again. Can you believe it? I can't. I was so stiff and sore and tired Saturday and most of Sunday, I didn't know if I could make it on Tuesday. But the recovery walk on Saturday and the run on Sunday WORK WONDERS. Veteran runners are probably thinking "Well, duh" but this is new to me, so I am still in shock that running when you are tired actually helps.

I still have that right quad that feels strained. The massage therapist said it was noticeably tighter then lefty. And my left knee still makes itself know that it is not happy, I'm assuming because it is picking up the slack of Right Quad. I have a Birthday Physical scheduled for Wednesday and I'm going to ask the Dr. about all this. I don't know what to try to nip it in the bud....PT, chiropractor, stretching? I'm still on the fence about chiropractors helping much, but some people swear by them. And I hate to spend a lot of money on PT if there are some exercises I can do at home. Especially since I am in the Annoyance Phase of aches and pains. I just don't want to enter the Debilitating Phase at any point.

Missed it byyyyyyyyyyy......THAT MUCH!

2009-07-31T09:06:00.005-05:00

My first 100 mile month will have to wait until next month. I opted to rest on Wednesday instead of run. Yesterday, I did 6.5 which puts me at 96.5 miles for the month. I know I said I wouldn't leave it that close, but I think I must. Tomorrow I am going to attempt 15 miles. Which to me, sounds like I might as well be saying I'm attempting a triple twirl half flip spiral pike on a tight rope with no net. It will take focus, concentration and nerves of steel!

Last week I chose to get the extra miles in the day before my long run, but that was a long run of 10 miles. And 3 super easy, slow miles wouldn't hurt I didn't think. And they didn't. But given the general condition of my legs today, I know the wise choice is to rest up and hopefully be a little more prepared for the run tomorrow. I'll still get in over 30 miles for the week and that is another first. What is the general condition of my legs? They are tired. They are a little sore. Mr. Right Quad feels like it is strained, on the verge of a pulled muscle, but doesn't hurt quite as much. Mrs. Left Hammy send shooting pains down through the back of my leg every once in a while. Like it needs to be stretched out real good or something. I've been stretching, foam rollering, resting. I hope that is all enough. I feel like I need one really good rest to regain strength. But I guess that is the point of marathon training, you have to train your body to work without a lot of rest because there isn't going to be a lot of opportunity for rest come race day. Fatigue will set in and I'll have to know how to keep going despite that feeling.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow though. It's a route I know. I'm getting my Megan Muffins tonight (aka - Great Harvest Oatbran Fruit Muffins). I'm going to be early after watching a movie. I'll probably have Punch Pizza. All arrows point towards success at the moment!

Poptarts are dead to me

2009-07-27T10:17:00.004-05:00

When I was pondering what my pre-triathlon meal was going to be a few weeks back, I decided that PopTarts were the perfect choice! And I was oh, so sick of bagels.

1. I NEVER eat poptarts. When I was a kid, mom and dad never bought them, so my only experience with these awesome frosted toasted pasties was when I would go to grandma's for breakfast. She never disappointed.
2. The are full of sugar. In fact, I think they are only made up of sugar and carbs. Just what you need
3. They would burn hot and fast for the fuel I would need on race day.
4. I would be able to enjoy them guilt free because who cares if they are 200 calories per tart and only keep you full for 30 minutes. I was running a triathlon. I'll burn that off in the swim.

The PERFECT choice.

Except.

1. I burned that off in the swim. Actually, I digested that fully 1.5 hours before the swim. I got up so early to make it to transition that I was hungry again an hour before the race started.
2. They burned hot and fast. Much to fast.
3. There was no sustenance to keep me going. Nothing in them but sugar which depleted to rapidly.
4. They are gross. Yes. Gross. I guess I've grown out of that love affair. They were sooooo not as good as I remember.

Since there are 4 poptart packages in a box, I tried the poptart breakfast before a few long runs. With the same result. I guess I'm a slow learner. Just too many calories of sugar that burn way to fast and leave me empty. Maybe they would be a better mid-race snack. Except for the fact that I find them disgusting now.

So PopTarts are dead to me.

My new pre-long run/race day breakfast is going to be Megan Muffins, named after my cousin who bakes and delivers them. Actually, they are Great Harvest Berry Oatbran muffins but I like to call them Megan Muffins since she works there and probably makes the best ones ever! Great fuel, lots of carbs, enough sugar and they are great with a little peanut butter. I gotta go pick some up at the local Great Harvest for my 14 miler on Saturday. It will be my longest distance EV-AR. I'm so excited, I'm going to go for 15!

Absolutly content...but maybe a little thirsty

2009-07-26T21:14:00.003-05:00

On Saturday we had a cutback long run. Which, seriously, life just keeps getting crazier. I woke up thinking - Phew! Just 10 miles today. I can do that. WHA - -?? Since when did 10 miles become "JUST". But the coach brought it back to reality when he said "Even though this is a recovery long run week, it is still 10 miles, so take it seriously." Good point I thought. We ran in a place called Hidden Falls. I figured we were running TO something. Something good and spectacular. Nope. I saw no Hidden Falls. We ran to a road and turned around. Highly disappointing. On the way back someone told me the falls were hidden - that's why we didn't see them. Huh. Go figure.

But falls or no, this was a good run. It only ended up being 9.5 which isn't helping me reach my 100 mile month. Due to a lovely evening out with family on Thursday I didn't get my 6 miles in that night - good choice though, dinner was better than running on that particular evening. I did 3 very easy, very slow miles on Friday instead, but that leaves me 3 short for the week. I didn't want to push it too much before the long run on Saturday. I've been having trouble with my right quad. It just aches like I pulled a muscle. But it comes and goes during the run. I'll have to talk to some professionals just to make sure things seem kosher and if there isn't anything I can do to get it better.

Today, I made up a little ground by doing 4.5. Altogether nice run. It was followed by an even nicer dinner of corn on the cob, grilled green beans, a baked potato with chives that we grew, a salad with lettuce that we grew and we split a turkey burger. Yum, yum. Watermelon for dessert.

What a great weekend. To top it all off, I just checked on my friend Allison who was doing her 1st Half Iron Man. Don't worry - she finished hours ago, but I like to make sure. And of course she was A-OK. But WOW! Very proud of you. Congratulations to her!!!!!

Here are some thoughts I had during my long run on Saturday. Every time I go out now, I feel like I have a noble cause. Like there is a divine purpose that will be so worth the effort. Every run I do is not just for general fitness, to burn calories or for only fun; it's so I can toe up to the start line, for every mile I cross I can be confident that I'll make it and then 26.2 miles later I can RUN across the finish line. It's all so very personal and individual, yet it's being part of a team of thousands. EVERYBODY works hard and when race day comes you can look around and know that you put your time in too, just like the thousands of runners with you. It amazes me that I can be part of that group. Because quite honestly, while I believe everyone could run if they want to, not everyone does. Not everyone puts in that effort because it's hard; but I do. Not saying that running is IT, but for anything in life that we do - look around at your peers. Be proud of where you are because not everybody does what you do. I certainly never thought of myself as one who pushes themselves physically to the max by choice. Or one that really works hard for anything. I'm more of a good-enough, close-enough, mostly-finished type of girl. But I'm not always it turns out. And when I'm not, I guess I surprise myself. It makes me happy when I prove to myself I can.

And this is my first marathon. I'm never going to have another first marathon. That thought struck me and while I am enjoying running now it's easy to feel motivated and happy, but I want to make sure I keep that as my focus in case I lose those feelings. Every run I do gets me closer to the race and closer to the end of my first marathon and then this awesome experience is over. I'm soaking it up.

Starting to Feel It

2009-07-23T09:27:00.004-05:00

I'm training for my first marathon and I'm starting to feel it in more ways than one. The good way is that I really feel like I am having fun and enjoying my running. I don't mind getting out there knowing that the time I spend now will really pay off later. It's been a great summer weather wise - not too hot/windy/rainy. As long as I am healthy, everyday is a good day for a run.

But I can also feel it in my body. Last week I was so excited that I ran 28 miles - by far my most ever. I'm going for week two of upper 20's running and I can feel it. One week was good, but maintaining it week after week? Well, it will get better, but in the first few weeks my legs are putting up some resistance. I've noticed that my individual runs have included more walk breaks and have been on the short end of the spectrum. I'm looking forward to just 10 miles for a long run this week.

In other marathon news I am signed up for the Twin Cities Marathon and way more excited about it than I thought I would be! This means I am signed up for TCM on 10/4 and Des Moines Marathon 10/18. Ha! Technically, I am entered in both, but will not be doing the full marathon in Des Moines. I'm changing my entry to the 1/2. So October will consist of two 1/2 marathons and a full, followed by November which will consist of sofa lounging and neighborhood strolls with the dog. And Thanksgiving which I LOVE.

Happy Milestones

2009-07-20T08:36:00.008-05:00

I ran 28.61 miles last week. To be exact. That is the most miles in one week in the 3.8 years I have been running. Also, in the month of July I will hit my first 100 mile month! It will be close to get 100 in, but you can bet that I'm not going to get to 98 and say "oooh! So close! Maybe next month".

I want to start doing yoga on my days off. It could be good for both strength training and stretching. Probably just what I need. I think it all started years ago when I was going to yoga regularly with my friend Heather. I gained some flexibility back then and I think it has stuck with me for the most part but I need to maintain it. I started with an unofficial workout on Sunday. We had a small class but they were great learners.

Confessions of a Good Intentions Runner

2009-07-13T10:25:00.002-05:00

Maybe if I put it in writing I'll feel better. I didn't do a long run this weekend. Ok? There. I also did not do a short run. I competed in a triathlon and that was it. Which was challenging. But it wasn't a long run. I only ran 14 miles this week and it should have been over 20.

I did enjoy the break. I rested. Got tons of house work done. Read magazines and my book. Walked the dog. Napped. All enjoyable!

But the guilt.......oh the guilt. Because mostly - I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT. And that can't be a valid excuse when training for a marathon. Or any race that you want to do well in really.

So what's a girl to do? Get back on the plan and make sure weeks like this happen very infrequently. And when they do happen, like if I miss a run, I better consciously make the decision and then enjoy the choice. For the rest of the summer I've got nothing to do but run.

Guilt free. I shall think of it no more and look forward to an awesome running week!

All smiles!

2009-07-11T19:30:00.003-05:00

The Lifetime Triathlon - once again a great day! Last year, I swam a little, biked a lot and did the usual running. This year I swam a lot, biked almost none, and ran the usual. The results then, are a little confusing.

I was 8 seconds slower in my swim time. Kind of irked about that. I swam 10 times the distance in preparation this year than I did last year. I thought I was getting better. I can't explain it. I thought in the swim this year I wasn't as worn out, I swam more of it, but yet, the results were the same!?!? Baffling. Let's move on.

The bike was 6 seconds slower. Which begs the question, why did I train at all last year?? After about 5 minutes of biking, my legs were shaking. After 5 miles, I would stand to go up the hills and there were times that my legs almost collapsed from under me while standing because the just didn't have the muscle to support me. I didn't know how the run was going to go because I was pushing so hard on the bike just to keep it going. And after 15 miles of biking. I WAS DONE. Really, the sprint triathlon is really where it's at. I love this distance. Just enough variation in activity to keep it interesting, but not long that you have to put in the many, many hours of training.

The run. I'm a runner. I like running the best. I kept thinking, ok just get to the run. You'll fly in the run. You're good at the run. Relatively speaking of course. I took off running and it was super weird. I tried going slow, but I don't know how fast I was going. I don't even know how my legs were moving, but I told myself just 5 minutes then you can break. At 5 minutes, I though I could do 10 and at 10 I knew I could do the first water stop. I walked the 2 water stops, probably 30 seconds in total, and just ran. And it felt GREAT! I shaved about 2 minutes off my run from last year. In fact if it would have been a full 5k instead of just 3 miles, I would have PRd. 9:54 minute miles!! Holy cow! How the heck does that work? I run my fasted 5k EVER, AFTER swimming and biking??. I also cut 1.5 minutes from my total transition time so overall, I was 3.5 minutes faster this year. All because of running a changing clothes. I know where my priorities are.

And I feel completely redeemed after Grandma's. Hey, some days just aren't your days. But many, many of them ARE my days.

Tomorrow Grandma's is officially history!

2009-07-10T15:18:00.007-05:00

I found some photos from marathonphoto of Grandmas. The first one is me around 6 miles. Notice how I still have good form and my pinkies are extended out with proper etiquette and everything?

I like to call this next one "Tenacity". I love that word. I think this was on the way up the bridge hill around mile 9. I was thinking - NO CHANCE I am walking this thing. You can walk at the top. Absolutely no other option. Or I was thinking "Ew gross, don't step on that dead bird".

And finally, the finish. That confused look on my face is me wondering what the hell just happened. The words 'hit by a truck' come to mind. I was already trying to forget the race and seek out my Great Harvest race rolls - which they didn't have.

Tomorrow for the Triathlon there will be nothing but smiles. All I'm demanding tomorrow is everything I've got. Nothing more. I don't want to give more than I've got; the results of doing that...well we all know how that ends. I'm going to write my times from last year on my hand so I know what I have to do. Who know how I will be able to perform, but I've already visualized the results and in my mind, I'm happy. And Grandma's will be but a distant memory of a day that opened the door for my glorious comeback.

Good run, still in a funk

2009-07-07T21:06:00.002-05:00

I just can't seem to get the Ricky Bobby quote out of my head "I wanna go fast". Slower is better, get in the time, just try to finish your first marathon. I think this last 1/2 proved for me that you can go out to fast and suffer in the end for it. It's hard to admit that 11:30 is my pace and my first marathon will probably be at least 5.5 hours since I had faster 10k and 5k times. Yet my 1/2 marathon time isn't really up to par. They say it will all pay off in the end, but I can't see that now. I wanted to be a faster runner this year, but fast and marathon don't belong in the same sentence for me. I feel like I was ready to see what I could do and they are saying hold back, now is not the time to let 'er rip. I believe all that is true; they are the experts, but it a hard mental thing to overcome.

I do enjoy running more lately now that I know I will be able to complete the distance with no problem because I'm slowing down. That's a nice feeling. Maybe I'm just in a funk and it has nothing to do with running.

Blog-worthy?

2009-07-07T08:20:00.004-05:00

I haven't been doing anything really blog worthy lately. Well, nothing that I have wanted to express or talk about. Last week I ran 21 miles, which was the first 20 mile week of 2009! Felt good about that. This week should be 20 also even though I skipped out on my run last night. I shouldn't be doing that. I need to get every run in that I have scheduled and be consistent.

A few things my coaches in the running group said that stuck with me. The goal of the marathon (for most of us) is running the whole thing without slowing down. Also, at this point in the game they said it's how much time you dedicate to running not necessarily the miles. Just get out there and pound the pavement so your body builds all of the good scientific things it needs to run for 5 hours. I like to think that I should be enjoying this time. It's laid back, and I'm just trying to go and go and go. I don't have to push yet, I'm still building. For some reason that seems easier to me. It's not really. 10 miles is still 10 miles, but mentally it seems more relaxed.

This Saturday is the triathlon. It should be fun again! I don't think I'm going to do much better than last year like I aspired to, but again I stress, it should be fun! Only thing is, I will miss another long run, which kind of bothers me. I'm a rules girl. If my coach or plan says 12 miles, I do 12 miles for fear that in 3 months from now, at mile 18 I'll have a complete break down because I ran a triathlon plus 17 miles (over the week) instead of a 12 miler. I'm afraid of 'losing it'. And one thing about running I've found is that if you follow the plan, you'll finish the race(barring injury). Since this is what I know, I follow the plan and stress when I don't.

Yesterday, I was kind of having a crummy day, which is probably why I didn't run. Even though I am 100% sure that running would have helped my mood I didn't go. It takes effort to get out of a bad mood. Sadly, sometimes it easier to just wallow, and then that wallowing is just fed by the fact that you aren't doing anything to make it better. Today is a little better but I have a run with the group tonight so no chance of wallowing. It should be good actually.

YAY for running groups!

2009-06-27T09:30:00.002-05:00

This morning I am back from my first long run with the my neeeeeeeeew running group. Best $100 my husband has ever spent I tell ya. He had to cut the check since I'm not on them yet. Water stops, powerade, FIG NEWTONS at the end! Plus I got a new singlet to let every one know not to rumble with me cuz I got a gang now!

I ran 7 miles - some did more, some less. I finished with 3 others who did 7 with me. Most of the way out we were talking about the long slow distance and how it teaches the body endurance. I think I've been teaching my body to just run more because thinking back, I don't really vary my pace much for the long runs. It seems to average out that every run from 3-10 miles is the same pace. Which I learned completely defeats the purpose of the long run. You are supposed to be able to plod along for a looooooooong time. Come race day that is when you can 1. go the distance and 2. add some speed that you've been building on the other days.

With that in mind, I think I need to really hold it back to 11 minute miles for my long runs. Others throughout the week should be from 10-10:45. Today we ran 11 minute miles and I felt great the whole way. At 3, where the water stop was I was amazed at how good I felt. Even on the return it wasn't until about mile 5 that I started getting tired. But it was at this point, looking at my Garmin, where we started running 10:30 and the last bit even faster.

When I signed up for this I was thinking, 7AM runs on Saturday? Well it will be nice to get something done on Saturday and have the rest of the weekend. But what didn't cross my mind is that if the run is at 7, that doesn't mean wake up at 7. Today I was up at 5:45. ON A SATURDAY. I guess it's so long Friday night fun. I'm at a point though where this is what I want to focus on. I want my priority #1 to be my workouts. I know that is going to mean skipping out on some Happy Hours with work and social activities here and there, but I'm enjoying this so I'm ok with that for the time being.

This week is starting off right. Tomorrow it is supposed to be nicer, meaning not pouring rain (which we ran through today) so I am going to go for a long bike ride and then try to run a couple miles just to remember what it's like and get used to the feeling again. The triathlon is coming up quick!

I can't do this

2009-06-24T09:29:00.006-05:00

Why is that ALWAYS the first phrase that runs through my head when trying something new? It's so annoying. I'm getting tired of that old feeling. That was my thought about marathons.

I went to the information class for marathon training last night. I'm still not sold on this whole marathon idea. ESPECIALLY since the marathon I was going to sign up for is sold out. Now I'm in a pickle. Here are the facts:

Factoid #1
I chose the Marine Corp Marathon because my dad was a marine. I have a special memory of running with my dad. I wear his dog tags when I run. It is in Washington DC and the course sounds AMAZING. It's a large race with lots of people. The fact that I would be running a marathon was second. I wanted to do this race and it happened to be the marathon distance.

Factoid #2
I want to run with the group from last night. I like running with groups and if I do that, I need something to train for.

Factoid #3
If all I cared about was the MCM, then I should be able to say, ok, skip it. Run it another year. But then this voice, and I honestly DO NOT KNOW who it is, says "But I wanted to run a marathon this year" Seriously! Where did that tiny little (evil) voice come from???

The Des Moines marathon looks like my next viable options. We have weddings to attend the 1st and 2nd weekend in October, so Twin Cities and Whistlestop are both out. But will it be meaningful? Remember Fact 1 was that I didn't want to run just any marathon for the sake of getting the distance. But Fact 3, nagging, annoying little Fact 3, tells me I do in fact want to run the distance. Will I find the willpower to continue when the race doesn't mean as much?

With the facts written out there like that, I think the choice is clear. Looks like its Des Moines in October as my first marathon that I never wanted to run. Time for a serious attitude adjustment. But I KNOW I am going to like being part of a group! A team. That isn't really a team. Cuz they would probably bench me.

What I REALLY want to run as the second choice is the Duke City Marathon in Albuquerque. Hold on Tara.......I checked the course map. Altitude: 5000. The course climbs 40 feet for the first 12 miles and then 80 feet between 12 and 13. Then you turn around and run back the same way you came. All downhill. It is was just the hills I would be ok. But it is seriously a different run completely when you throw altitude in there. I don't think I want my first one to be EXTRA tough. Although, it would be a really cool location, myself having friends and family in New Mexico.

That's were I'm at. Feeling a little apprehensive about involving myself with a goup. Basically saying I'm ready to bust my hump every weekend. Looking forward to and nervous for the first group run on Saturday.

Some lighthearted sarcasm

2009-06-21T18:14:00.005-05:00

I didn't feel like this belonged in my race recap, but I wanted to mention a few more things about the race. The fans in Duluth are awesome! Regular people put out bananas and water stops and food. And I don't mean they have a jug of water and offer it up. I mean, they have thousands of cups on the ready with a whole line up of people distributing water. And just because they want to. The marathon also provides cold sponges and ice at the water stops. Top notch really. One of the best managed races I have been involved with. Oh, and Dip and Dots at the end. In TWO flavors!

Here's my disclaimer: I'm not really terribly annoyed. Fan participation is awesome. Really. ANY fan participation. I'm not so much of a snob that if you're not doing it right don't come at all. I hope people come out to watch and maybe get inspired. I just thought this was a little humorous and runners might get a good chuckle...you know, the it's-funny-because-it's-true lines.

Please don't say things like "Pick up the pace, the elites are just up ahead". Yeah, I'm just about ready to make my move and close on the 4,294 people in front of me to win the whole race. Is my bib number less than 10? Then I am probably not in fact close to the elites. And when your saying it with your aviator sunglasses, your faux-hawk and sloshing around your cup filled with cold beer, it makes me appreciate it even less. If that's possible.

Know your 20 (that's trucker talk for location). At the 10k marker I heard "You made it - 1/2 way there" Basic knowledge of the difference between kilometers and miles will tell you that two 10k's does not a 1/2 marathon make. I am not 1/2 way there.

And probably the most famous - "X miles left" (In this particular instance X=3). I know that 3 miles is a little over 1/4 left which in context seems like a lot smaller amount to the whole, but it's like asking a woman if she's pregnant. Unless you see her delivering a baby, probably best not to ask. If I don't have a visual lock on the finish line, probably best not to mention the distance left.

I do like signs like "You look smart and pretty" (from a previous race) or "Nice legs". I also heard "Doing great, keep it up. You're ahead of those people." Haha - funny, but wait, what did he say to the people up there.......???

Race fans DO make a difference. It's fabulous when people can be supportive of one another. I heard a marathoner tell us at mile 25.95 "Thanks for coming out". Really, he thanked US! He'd been running for over 5 hours and he thought to thank the crowd. People can be amazing.

Grandma's 1/2 Marathon

2009-06-21T17:14:00.007-05:00

The best way to talk about this run is by posting the splits like I did in the previous post. That way I can talk about all the complaints, er, less than positive thoughts I had.

Here was my race plan. Phase 1 - 5k go easy. Walk breaks every 5 minutes, leisurely pace. Easy.
Mile 1: 11:15
Mile 2: 10:54
Mile 3: 11:06

Perfect. Except I did 1 minute of walking every 10 minutes. I was excited. I couldn't stop. I had the optimistic outlook that it was never going to get any harder than this. (ooooohhhhh foreshadowing!)

Phase II - 10K Race time! Game on. I wanted to run at race pace (10:45) for the next 6 miles and then see where I was. It's hard though to tell what pace you need to go when I was walking for 1 minute every 10 minutes. That means running slightly below race pace to compensate for the walking. So, 60 seconds in one minute, if I run 9 minutes at 5.8 mph, and there is a train leaving Boston at noon, and there are 17 people and only 2 lifeboats.....yeah, I had no clue.

Mile 4: 10:15 (remember the walk breaks? This was way to fast for 1 mile)
Mile 5: 10:15 (if only this type of consistency was a good thing at this point)
Mile 6: 10:41 (PERFECTION. Now just hold steady......)
Mile 7: 11:17
Mile 8: 12:47
Mile 9: 11:03 (one last futile attempt to reclaim this race)

Leading up to mile 8 was tough. I thought I was going to throw up. Did I need more water? Less food? Or was I hungry and over hydrated?? I had no idea except that I was hot and uncomfortable and nauseated. Here's me at mile 7. I think I started walking immediately after this picture was taken.

Pause in the story for some factual information. My 6.9 mile time was 1:15. That left me 1:05 to run the final 6 miles. Reasonable. My 10k split time was about a minute above my 10k race time. For those keeping track at home that adds up to way to fast. You don't run 7 more miles at a 10k clip. Normal people have slower paces on longer races. And when you go out to fast.....well, stay tuned.

Phase III - 1 mile freestyle. I wanted to run what I felt. Maybe downshift and save up for Phase IV.

Mile 10: 13:12 (That is some serious downshifting. Did I drop the tranny??)

Seriously, I should have been an actress because look how happy I look. Lies. All lies. See that little bit of shade I am going through. Little did I know that it would be the last bit of shade I would stand in for the next 7 hours. Hey, Duluth, have you heard of Arbor Day? Plant a tree, will ya? On a hot sunny day the last few miles of Grandma's can DESTROY those with anything less than an iron will.

Phase IV - at this point I can't believe I'm even tracking phases but this was a race plan so I am publishing what was supposed to happen. Phase IV was supposed to be the last 5k. The final kick. Walk as needed, but throw your heart on the pavement and leave on the course type finish. I did revise this phase to accommodate though. All good runners have to learn to recalculate based on the situations they are running in. I renamed Phase IV to "Screw It".

Mile 11: 11:55 (this would be known as my last 'speed' lap - hahaha)
Mile 12: 12:10
Mile 13: 13:02

There were a few positive thoughts during this last 3 miles. At one water stop this kid - maybe 10 years old, short, wearing and over sized volunteer t-shirt that hung to his knees and an adult baseball cap that was tightened in the back to the smallest notch but still didn't quit fit. You know the look. Any way, I was going in for some water and he walked out to me a little ways out of line, handed me the water, looking in my eyes and said "You can do it" in a serious tone. Not like he was saying it to everybody, but he was saying it to me. Because I needed to hear that. I turned around as I passed and he was still watching me run away. I gave a nod. Thanks kid. Yes I can. And I thought of my cousin James who told me just the other day when I said "We'll never win" he said, "If you say that then you never will win". He's 6. It all brought tears to my eyes until I realized that when I get emotional when I run I can't breathe (and I get emotional a lot running). I chose running. I'll cry later. (like now thinking of it).

I finished in 2:32:07 or something, which, now that I have a calculator I can tell you is 11:32 minute miles. Absolutely devastating. And I think it's because I really was running the best that I could. It was really really hard towards the end. I lost a little hope with this race. If I try this hard and I don't make it, what does that mean? Where does that leave me?

They still give you a medal even if you cried, even if you lost your hope, even if you felt you didn't deserve it. Just for being a finisher. It's not easy. And it's not all happy, look what I accomplished, yay me. You have to experience those losses and then go out again because that's when you really win. You think you can't go on, and you've lost all hope in your ability, but if you keep going, you look back and see that despite all that adversity, YOU KEPT GOING. I think when you go through the rough spots and don't quit it, makes the victory so much sweeter.

This race was humbling. Not because I'm such an elite athlete, but because I put a challenge out there for myself - a real challenge and I failed. I didn't accomplish it. I wanted it, and in my mind I could do it, but I couldn't. Not this time. But you know what? There are 55 days until the Badger to Gopher 1/2 Marathon. There will come a time when I can no longer run. Today is not that day.

I have to run how far???

2009-06-17T08:08:00.008-05:00

I've been wanting to write about my 10 miler last weekend since it happened. I'm actually going to post splits this time in an effort to relive the run.

Mile 1: 9:56 <-- Waaaaaay to fast.
Mile 2: 10:26 <-- More like it
Mile 3: 10:51 <-- Aaaah just right
Mile 4: 10:46 <--I could do this all day
Mile 5: 10:25 <--What got into me, did I remember there were 5 left?
Mile 6: 11:56 <--Yup. I remembered and I got depressed
Mile 7: 10:58 <--Ok back on track. I can do this
Mile 8: 11:42 <--Hills. Crap. No I can't.
Mile 9: 11:43 <--Just don't die, just don't die......
Mile 10: 11:41 <--Tear. That was rough.

How many miles next weekend???? That's the 10 miles in a nutshell. Around mile 5 I headed to Lake Harriet and I HATE going there when tired because of the roller coaster hills. Lucky for me I'm good at hills. Um yeah. I walked, I jogged, I walked some more. I whined. I know; so unlike me. And then I said to myself "Sweetheart" - because that's what I call myself when trying to be encouraging - "you're only 1/2 way. If you dink around like this it's going to take forever to finish up" And with that I set time constraints to make myself run for periods of time. I don't think I walked a terrible amout. Maybe every 5 minutes or more, so my pace really slowed too during the last 1/2. Yikes. It was rough. This week though, I have been in mad taper mode which seems to work well for me. I skipped swimming and started eating. Aaaah - the good life.

I wish I could say I was looking forward to Grandma's 1/2 this weekend but I'm not really. It's not so much the distance, but I'm not looking forward to the race. Getting up early (4AM early), the crowd, the drive up north, the crowd. The crowd. Ug. I'm not excited about this race at all. Maybe it is in part for the distance, but for whatever reason this race seems more like a hassle than fun. But none the less, McMillan says I can do this race in 2 hours and 21 minutes because I can run 1 mile in 8:50 so I'm gonna give it a shot. That's 10:48 minute miles for you kids playing along at home.

That would totally rock to do that.

I'm going to schedule another 1 mile timed trial next Wednesday. We'll see how that goes. Excited to see if I have improved at all. Stay tuned.......

9 Miles, but I didn't wanna

2009-06-07T20:56:00.003-05:00

I soooooooo did not want to run today. I didn't want to be outside today. It's cold in our house, it's cold and windy and overcast outside. I ate a big brunch and was sleepy and it was about 3PM. If you can imagine then, try, how much I did NOT want to run 9 miles. I wasn't thinking when I put on my running clothes. I think I was still in denial that I was actually going. My body was moving in that direction but my brain refused to believe. In fact, on the drive to the lake, my brain seemed to be saying - best of luck, not sure how you plan on running 9 miles without me. My legs were clearly on their own. Sometimes I can visualize my run. I know the distance I am going to go and I can see me doing the entire thing. Even through the rough spots. Today, I couldn't see anything. I would have bet against me. Luckily, my legs took over and did it with no moral support. Thanks legs. You really came through.

I'm still not sure how I managed to do this today. I'm still bitter about having to go at all. That's about the dumbest sounding thing ever. But sometimes you don't have a choice. Or rather you decide you have no other choice.

We went to Punch pizza for dinner tonight. That made the evening WONDERFUL. I think I should have Punch pizza after every long run. Now that's a challenge I can get behind! Speaking of challenges, I've been doing the Jillian 30 Day Shred with a friend. We are 6 days deep and it IS actually starting to get better. I seemed to get weaker before starting to get stronger. Hopefully this upward trend continues. But seriously, I like the Punch challenge. I am going to see how many weekends in a row I can eat Punch Pizza after a long run. It might get difficult, but I think I can rise to the occasion!

Last Thursday I had the best swimming day to date. I swam 100 m in 2:15, 10 times. I was quite pleased for two reasons. 1) I always love a challenge I can feel successful at. What's the point of having a completely absurd goal that you won't reach for 7 years. Why not instead make smaller goals that still make you work but can make you feel successful when done. I couldn't believe I could just keep going. But I did, and I finally, for once, didn't feel overwhelmed at swim class. 2) It was a hard workout for me, but I did the whole thing. I feel like I am becoming a better swimmer (not to mention the wonders swimming has done cardiovascular wise with running) but also the workout was more within my reach. Someday soon I'll build up to the real workout he planned for us: 100m in 1:45, 10 times, but until then it's nice to be able to know you worked really hard and did the thing.

National Running Day

2009-06-04T08:42:00.006-05:00

Yesterday, as many know, was National Running Day. Whatever your level, just get out there and go - I think that is the official motto. I decided to try a running group at my gym. I see them running all the time but have never wanted to join because, well let's be honest, I've never wanted to work that hard. I showed up and they gave me a sticker that said "I ran today" and I briefly considered going home since I already had the sticker. Then they made you sign in and put how many miles you were going to run. Dang. After that I was committed. It was in writing.

The leader guy for our group was explaining to me on the way out how nobody gets left behind. Usually there are seasoned groupies who can lead and he is able to follow and make sure nobody gets lost. I said, "Nice to meet you - I'm sure we'll be spending a lot of time together in that case." He was great fun. He'd yell out stuff like "HILL!" when we were already half up, as if I didn't notice. But then "DOWNHILL!" and also would tell us to walk over the train tracks and look both ways, and tell us when it was clear to merge onto the path so we wouldn't get hit by a biker. Like mama bear goes running. I liked it.

Beautiful day to be out on the trails. The sun was behind the clouds so it wasn't beating down on you in the open areas. But the running? The running was hard. I started out just going. Not looking at my pace. I don't want to know that I am going less than 11 minute/miles and think I better slow down because I can't handle this. I need to reset my pace clock in my head. Because remember, how I run 10 minute miles! You really can't get hung up on the numbers though. I mean I ran 6.2 miles on Sunday with avg pace of 10:13 and this 5.28 miles yesterday was tough to pull out in the end and the avg time was 10:19. So what the heck? Who really knows. That's why it's always best to gauge how much of yourself you left on the trail. Sunday, I gave it my all. Last night, again, everything. So two great runs at differing paces. But the feeling good for working hard, that's the reward! The pace always needs to be second I think. Sure it's important at times, but attitude is always #1.

I back to hitting the pool tonight. Looking forward to a good swim. And did you know that biking was part of a triathlon. Evidently I've been trying to convince myself otherwise because I haven't biked AT ALL this whole year. I really felt like I was a good biker last year during the tri and I wanted to nail it this year. But how's that gonna happen if I don't start practicing? Potentially, I'll amaze myself. Realistically, I'm just delusional. Here's the joke for which I based this comment.

A dad told his son to learn the difference between potentially and realistically by asking his sister and his mother if they would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 million dollars. He asked both and both said yes, of course they would. When his dad asked if he learned the difference, the son replied "Yes. Potentially we could be millionaires, but realistically we've go two tramps in the family".

A Happy Place

2009-06-01T09:43:00.008-05:00

Part of the reason why I wanted to run 10 minute miles is because the McMillan calculator told me I could...or should...or whatever. You plug in what you ran a certain distance at and it tells you what your pace should/could be at other distances. It even gives you the pace you should do your speed work out, tempos and long runs. Since I ran my mile at 8:50, and that seemed pretty official, that is the benchmark I used. Here is what I should/could run (theoretically):

In case that is difficult to read, it says 10K - 10:13 pace. I also wanted run 10 min miles because I feel like that is sort of an industry average. Like average runners can just do that pace.

I signed up for a 10K while on vacation this weekend because I really really wanted to make sure I followed my training plan and I knew it wouldn't happen unless I did something like this. Luckily, I found a nice little race for a great cause not far from our hotel. Awesome, awesome weather. About 53 and sunny. Absolutely perfect. I felt good - no pizza and beer pre-race meal in my belly - just the standard simple carbohydrate and coffee breakfast. My goal was to just run and run. Until I couldn't run anymore. I kept telling myself "your good for 7 and you only have to go 6.2". Secretly though I had to run at least a half mile to the start of the race because I was late and didn't quite know where I was going - so it was close. I just kept plugging away - step by step.

It was pretty flat, but there were 2-3 minor uphill areas. Enough to notice. I like to take pride in the fact that I am good at hills. I don't know if this is factual or not, but I always tell myself that I don't have to walk because if I have one thing, I have strong legs and I can always run up a hill. This thinking usually, propels me past runners as I charge on - at a slower pace mind you but I keep going. I don't know how I became so adamant about this fact; maybe it was from the TC 10-mile and that hilly course. I wish I was that sure about other aspects of running. Like I said, whether or not it is true - deep down I believe it is, I don't doubt. I can tell myself other positive things but if I don't deep down believe it, it's only encouragement. Maybe encouragement is the beginning of believing.

My plugging along paid off. In a BIG way. I ran the race in 1:03:11! Somewhere in my blog history I recorded that I ran an unofficial 10k (training) in 1:04 something and I could hardly believe that. Did I really do that? Well now it doesn't matter because the truth is (documented) that I ran 6.2 in 1:03! A pace of 10:11. I was so ecstatic!

Maybe I am finally coming into my own with running.

Pizza and Beer: The demise of a good runner

2009-05-29T08:43:00.004-05:00

Last night's run was so much less than satisfying. I know I can do better. I know I run better than that. I was trying to do to much. I was trying to run without walk breaks and try to run 10 minute miles (on average). Neither happened. In fact I ended up walking far more that I usually do: 12 minute miles was more the pace. But that isn't the too much I was referring too. That should have been a challenge, not "too much". No, last night we went to happy hour because of the looming threat that an old hangout would soon be closed and we felt we had to visit one last time for nostalgia. I drank 3/4 of a Mich Golden Light. Blech! Why do I even bother? I bothered because it was cold and I new I was running so I didn't want to over do it but still wanted a brewski. And we ordered a pizza. I had 3 squares and a triangle.

Which - side note - how come when pizza is cut into squares you can eat the entire thing because, heck, what's just one more small square? But with slices, you're like "2 slices, whew! I'm full!" Hmmmm.......

Anyway, I left dutifully at 7 with some remorse that I even mentioned I was running because then people were like "You better get going" - Yeah, well you're not the boss of me! (just kidding). I fed the dog and headed out about 40 minutes after the pizza. I'm pretty sure I would have been ok with 3/4 beer sans pizza. Typical symptoms, lump in your stomach, heartburn, lethargy. And I only had 3 squares! And a small triangle. So, it was too much to reasonably think I could get happy hour and a run in (in that order). I keep telling myself time and again, get your "job" done before the fun but also, I'm never one to be left out of a party. I couldn't bear the thought of warm sun and cold beer, pizza and my friends having the best time of their entire lives.....without me.

The run sucked on a number of levels. First though, it had to be one of the most perfect days weather wise. I at least enjoyed that a great deal. But my hamstrings were so sore. This was a real shock to me because I'm never that sore. I never have injuries. I started running with my left leg straight because it hurt Mr. Hami to kick back with my leg and my right leg was doing all the work to compensate for the lack of thrust coming from the left. I think this means I need a rest. POOF! Done. I'm headed to Chicago with a friend today. Just because I'm a jet setter like that. To Chicago. Randomly. And I signed up for a 10K on Sunday - Share Your Soles. The online registration said there were 183 participants so I should be fairly easy to spot. I'll be last; I'm not getting my hopes up or anything though :) Rest today, walking and sight seeing tomorrow and I should be right as rain by Sunday. Ready to try out those 10 minute miles again because in a race scenario - anything is possible!

Everybody's Got a Story to Tell

2009-05-28T08:45:00.002-05:00

Last night was the last night of my Women's Running camp. I met some folks although I'm not sure I ever knew their names. And while I didn't create lasting friendships (because it was a short camp which met once a week and I missed 3 weeks) it was great fun to be in a group of women, gathering to do what we all love. I enjoyed going each week. We ended with a timed mile, just like we started with in the first session. I ran 8:50. Exactly the time of the TC 1-Mile and 6 seconds slower than my one mile time in the first week of camp. I think I'll try the 1 mile distance once per month and see if I improve. The slower time was a bit discouraging, but at least it's consistent I suppose.

After the run they usually have a speaker come in to talk about different aspects of running. Last night they had the senior women's group from MDRA talk in a panel format. It was so interesting. It just goes to show you that every body's got a story to tell about how they became runners or why they continue to run. I could have listened to every women in that room go around and tell about why they are runners. It's so personal and unique to each person. Anybody who has worked to train for anything from a 5k to an ultra-marathon or even those who never race and just started by going around the block know what it's like to have to pull from your inner strength and go beyond what you though you were capable of. It's inspiring to think about. It leaves me speechless. It makes me tingly and all I can do is nod in agreement. But that chord in your heart flares up when you hear other people's stories because they are playing the same identifiable chord that is in you.

What's next for me, well, Grandma's Half is coming up June 20th. I want to rock and/or roll that race! It's flat. It's less than a month away. It's flat. I can run my little heart out. Also, I am 89% sure I am going to sign up for the Fall Marathon Training program through MDRA. I'm not sure if this is the right year for me to do a marathon but I have the time to train for one, so I thought heck, why not. My feeling is that I won't be a marathon runner but rather a 1/2 or 10 mile runner. I think to put that much time (and effort!) into training for that distance will wear me out; become a job. But who knows. I vowed I would never run over 10 miles either. So I'm not saying 'never' I just am feeling like probably not at the moment. But the training group is something I am really looking forward to!

Something new: I was thinking that it would be great to be a 10 min/mile runner. Just on average. Very occasionally have I run 10 min/miles for any distance. Very occasionally. But tonight for my run I am going to do two things. 1. Run the whole way - 5 mi. (no 1 min walk breaks every 10 min) and 2. Pretend I am a 10 min/mile runner. What if I just run 6 mph. And just see how simple it can be. Maybe it's cuz I just never tried it before. So tonight I'll try. Maybe this is ridiculous because I've never tried to run a 5 min/mile either and I don't have delusions that I can. But I think it's good to not always have preconceived notions about what you can't do. Isn't that just setting myself up for not being able to do it? Don't they say something like "If you think you can't, your right"?

Mississippi 10 Mile

2009-05-25T21:18:00.002-05:00

Well, as predicted, this was a bit of a challenge for me. Seeing as how my weekly distance has been about 10 miles, I just decided this week, I'd put it all in one day. Whew! This is actually a pretty nice little race. The price is right - $8-$10 w/o T-shirt I think. It's out and back along the Mississippi River path. It was a perfect morning, and the path was shaded enough to keep you from overheating in the sun. All in all, I recommend it. If your looking for the thrill of victory and all the glory of medals and crowd rah-rahs, this is not your race. But if you want to get out there in more of a low key setting, maybe a training race, this is great. I'm for it.

That being said, a mile 5 I was keeping pace with the back of the pack. I did a run 5, walk 1 through the first half. I kept thinking that if I felt good, I would pick it up to at least 10 minutes of running on the way back. What was really interesting to me is that I wasn't even winded by mile 3. I felt like I was doing the run/walk intervals more for my poor legs that didn't know what was in store for them yet. I can only credit the swimming I have been doing for my easy breathing during this run. Swimming must be helping with the cardio side of running.

So I stayed the course even though it is SUPER-D-DUPER painful to not want to keep up with the cool crowd. It was me and 5 other people bringing up the rear for the first half. I did feel ok, so I started running for at least 10 minute intervals and was able to improve my position a little. Mostly I felt good because I didn't go out to strong and I still had fuel at the end. And at the end I mean until about mile 8.72 I had fuel. Then I was not a happy camper. I had to lie to my legs and tell them we were almost done. Yeah. Right. Almost is .10 of a mile. not 1.10 miles. They felt betrayed, but luckily they didn't walk out on me.

In the end, I am so glad that I have that behind me as a milestone. My legs are pretty sore, but they'll recover. It more of a mental thing to know that I did 10 and that building up the miles is within reach again. I'm doing a cutback week next weekend, and then ramping up for Grandma's Half. And I am vowing that I am going to follow my training plan that I came up with to the letter. No more, 10 mile weekly totals. I need about 16+ miles per week. I don't want to have to have a painful 1/2.

Long Run Report with Bonus Feature

2009-05-17T20:22:00.002-05:00

Long Run Report:
Next Sunday is the 10 mile race. Yikes. Today I was supposed to do 8 which turned out to be only 7.47 because I guess my route wasn't long enough. Today's run was better than the last two weekend long runs. I felt better. I would have felt great if I would have finished today feeling like I had some left in the tank. 2.73 to be exact, but I think I will have it next weekend. I did feel better this run, and I was getting hungry and was thirsty around mile 6, so I am hoping that will better nutrition and a couple days rest before I'll be able to pull through. I'm just using this 10 mile as training for Grandma's 1/2 anyway. I will be doing 5 minute run/1 minute walk probably. I'm at a point where I don't have the base miles built up to cover that distance with stamina. I'll get there though. This is all good news because I feel like there is hope for the 10 miles next weekend. Last week there was none. This is good.

Bonus Feature:
I've read brief parts, heard about, talked with others about the book Skinny Bitch. I hate this book. I don't find anything humorous about the authors attitudes or the fact that they call the reader names. How is negativity supposed to get me motivated? I don't get it. One person's blog I read mentioned the fact that at least it's an easy read and entertaining and the in your face style get attention for the lifestyle they are trying to promote. Maybe I just hate it to argue because I hear people raving about it. That and I'll freely admit that I've never understood vegetarianism and sometimes we dislike what we don't understand. That's not a good way to be; I'll admit that too, but that's how it is and I something I need to work on.

BUT - I bought this book today called The Food Evolution - How your diet can help save your life and our world. I like it because the guy is promoting making choices that make us feel good about ourselves. He's promoting vegetarianism as a healthy lifestyle without any name calling (to the reader or the dairy/meat industry). He's says "I care whether you live in accordance with your values, whether your life has integrity and purpose, whether you act with compassion for yourself and for all life." I can certainly get behind that. I want to live a healthy lifestyle and I want to be a good steward of the environment. Because here's the thing. Do I like the fact that we consume so much chicken and beef that the industries have had to come up with ways to mass produce this product the cheapest way possible which I am sure is not in the animals best interest? No. But what about the 2-3 cows that my cousins raise each year and then take them to a local butcher and sells the meat to friends and family? I think there is a HUGE difference there and my conscience does not feel guilty about eating that meat. This book makes me feel like I can make good choices for my health and the environment and I get to choose what that means for me. Which I'm pretty sure will always include eating meat, but I might modify my diet based on what I learn. Who knows. So it turns out that I hate that other book because of the way it is written, not because of the ideas they are presenting. Which is a good thing, because I like to think that I am open to listening and learning regardless of whether I agree or not.

I like this book and I'm only on page 21. I just find it interesting and the author seems like he is writing from love, not from hate. Whether or not I ultimately agree with him, I respect his opinion much more because of that.

Responsibility

2009-05-15T15:40:00.002-05:00

I can justify leaving work at 4PM if I go workout before eating a ton of pizza at my aunts house. But if I don't work out then I need to be at work being productive.

But what if I want to leave work now and NOT work out. It's hard being an adult sometimes.

Because the 10 year old child in me is the one who came up with the fabulous idea that I could leave now AND just lounge. But the 30 year old in me says think about how guilty you will feel about eating a ton of pizza if you don't work out.

*Notice how neither the 10 year old or the 30 year old feel guilty about work?

Progressive Post

2009-05-06T09:26:00.007-05:00

Beginning of a post from about a week ago:

Here's the way I like to do things. I listen. Someone teaches and talks and I listen. Then I observe. I focus on the details and really visualize what's going on. I start slow. If its a mental thing then I work in groups and try to listen more or individual I attempt something small. If physical I still take it slow concentrating on every aspect of what I heard and saw. Then - TaDAAA!- I'm good at it. At least that's how it goes in my mind. So I can't for the life of me figure out why I'm not a master swimmer after 3 practices! I'm not so good on the practice. All my life when I don't get something immediatly I give up. Because early on in life I didn't have to work at things. Stuff came naturally and when it came time to buckle down because things weren't coming so easily I didn't want to because I was used to just getting things. I shouldn't have to work, I should just know.

I get it. Everyone has to practice. Even Tiger Woods and Michael Phelps still practice. I know I'm doing fine. I know I just have to put in the time and practice. Yeah, yeah. I get it. But I'm still frustrated.

Few days ago:

I wish I could say that I feel much better about where things are but I can't. Not really. I ran 7 miles on Sunday and once again thought my legs would fall off. It was all I could do to finish. I have one more long run before the 10 mile which is 8 miles hopefully on Saturday. I would feel a lot better about picking up those 2 miles on race day if I can finish the 8 miles with any dignity or at least an ounce of energy to spare.

I ran the TC 1-Mile last Thursday. Beat my time from last year by 10 seconds, but I guess I expected more. 10 seconds is good, but more would have been better. Course this year I didn't nearly lose a lung so I guess that's an improvement.

And I must start riding my bike. Or some sort of bike. Geez, I can't believe that I'm in the pool more than on a bike. Never though I'd see that day. I'm officially signed up for the triathlon in July. I got a $10 discount for being a Lifetime member, but then charged an extra $10 for not being a USATF (or whatever) member. What's that all about. I can't help feeling robbed somehow.

Today:

Had a run with the running group. We did fartleks. That went ok, started off strong and then completely faded to shorter sprints and some walking in between. I've seen in a million times at the track. Your horse is out in front for first 1/2 or so and then going into the first turn a few horses catch up. Making the final turn into the stretch it looks like he's going backward as Derek Bell and whatever horse he is on zooms by for a huge close and the victory. Yeah. I'm that horse. (not the one that speeds by in the stretch). But I did have this enjoyable thought:

I keep telling myself that the only person I have to best is myself. I may run past this person or that person but what does it really mean? There will always be someone faster. I like to focus on making myself proud, knowing how hard I worked and meeting my own goals. So the fact that I only did 10 seconds better than my last 1-Mile time, why, that just means that I am really hard to beat. :)

Steady as she goes

2009-05-04T13:25:00.003-05:00

I've been feeling pretty good about my workouts since I got back from Ireland. I jumped right back in last week running almost 10 miles after 2 weeks of NADA. I did 3.42 on Wednesday with my running group and then 6 on Saturday. The Saturday run was difficult to say the least. Sometimes there are runs where you have to dig deep but your all the more energized for having done that when you finish and then there are those runs where you dig deep, and somewhere along the way find you have hit the bottom. And you still have 2 miles to go. That was this run. I did it with under a 11 minute mile pace, but it was exhausting. I'm pretty sure I lost a little fitness on my break but it will come back. One or two hard runs in between, but I'll get right back where I was.

I was hoping to start biking this week, but since I have decided to do the short course triathlon again in July I figure I've got some time before I need to get serious. I would like to get a ride in soon though just because it's been so dang nice here outside! Swimming has been tons of fun though. I've been to two sessions, but I love it! It's new and it's challenging and....just fun!

This week should be pretty good then. Run, swim, run, swim/run the TC 1-mile, break, run 7 miles.

Splish Splash

2009-04-29T08:30:00.007-05:00

I'm such a little Joiner Judy lately. I signed up for a swim club on Tuesdays and Thursdays and had my first workout yesterday. Phew. We swim for a whole hour! That's a long time when you have no previous swimming experience except mmmaaaaayyyybeee some half hour training sessions for last year's tri. But it was good. I could feel the heat radiating off my shoulders and arms. Much fun though. And fun to be with a group.

Here is my new perspective on group activities. If you don't like being with people then groups are not for you. Obviously. Or maybe you don't have time. Or the money to join. But if your only excuse is "What if I can't do it" then to that I say "Pish-shaw! Are you a wimp or a warrior?" We all have something to give. All that is required is your best and you will never let yourself down. Even if you never finish with the group, even if you are forever the slowest one. Your out there working just like everyone else. I admit that, now, if I don't want to join a class it's because I know I'll have to work. I know there is no faking it because there are others there doing the same thing. OK, so I'll have to work, but also, I'm destined to have more fun! I'm just getting into the group thing and I like it so far!

I bought a new swimsuit tonight. If I'm going to be swimming twice a week regularly, clearly I NEEDED this. The other one I have is a bit too big, not flattering at all and well, it's old. I got this new one on sale AND it's reversable, so the deal I got there is really unquantifiable. Of course I got a new suit. That's why I dooooo different sports. More shopping! Duh!

Game On!

2009-04-28T12:04:00.002-05:00

Ok, I'm back and ready to get this show on the road. The show of regular workouts, eating well and summer. The total mileage tally while in Ireland....big fat goose egg. Zero. I had a feeling that would happen. Short story, cities with too many people and street lights, country with no (and I mean NO) shoulder or curb or anything. Big breakfasts, busy sightseeing days, late nights at the pub. My travel partner - AKA my husband - ran twice. So obviously it was doable. I just didn't. But I'm just giving an update here. I don't care that I didn't run. Well, I don't care much. It was a GREAT honeymoon!

Allison talked me into doing a Masters Swim class with her on Tuesdays and Thursdays which I am looking forward to starting tonight. Even though I know I'll be the slowest person and probably won't be able to complete the workout. Wait, I just decided to employ my new running attitude on swimming. Ok - so I'm gonna have fun tonight and give it my all. There. That's better.

I'll get back into the running game on Wednesday back with my running club and do a long run on Saturday. Sprinkle in some biking for triathlon kick-off training, and it should be a good week. Trying to focus on the fun and the journey rather than the pounds I gained and muscle I lost on vacation.

Unofficial Results

2009-04-15T11:10:00.002-05:00

I think I just ran my first sub 30 minute 5k. Unofficially. I ran around Lake Calhoun which is 3.12 so the distance is there, but I didn't have a watch or anything but the sun. But I think this was so because when I jumped out of the car it was 9:43. I waited for about a minute or so for cars to pass, crossed the street and hit the path running. When I stopped at the same spot after the run, waited for a few cars, opened my car door and checked the clock it was 10:15. Sooooo, a 30 minute 5k right???? Right!

Now I need to make it official, but at least I know I can do it. That was my last run and now am off to Ireland!!! That one 30 minute run should be enough to tide me over for the next 10 days right? I probably burned enough calories for the week right? At least I feel good about today!

My New Run Club

2009-04-08T20:15:00.004-05:00

I had a fantastic run tonight! I joined this women's running group through community education, not knowing what was in store. I was hoping for a push during my run; something challenging. I could have very easily been the slowest runner in the group but I decided that was ok because I was there to improve. And if that was the case then I would have a lot of women to look up to for help. I was going to start this group with the new running me (see the previous post).

I got there and discovered over 50 women! We divided into 3 groups: Novice, Wannabees and Gottabees. I quickly decided I was a Gottabee because I've raced before, I can run, I just want to run faster. I was more than a Wanabee. When we regrouped outside they laid out the plan for the night: Run 2 laps around the lake (aka small pond - about .6 around) and then regroup and do a timed 1 mile trial. Instantly I heard "Twice around!", "Are there going to be any hills??", "Can we just run around the track?" and I thought "PEOPLE!!! Are we here to become better runners or are we here to learn how to mount and dismount a moving sidewalk!?!" I knew why I was there and since I was armed with my new attitude I was ready to rock.

I ran the first two laps at about a 9:49/mile pace. That? Is fast for me. I haven't ever kept that up for any serious distance. I was trying to keep up with the pack but I was still towards the back and I kept thinking "But...but....but.......I can go far! Just not fast." Then it came to the timed mile and I ran it in 8:44! Holy smokes. That's 15 seconds faster than last year's TC 1Mile and I had already run close to 2 miles. I'm totally gonna get better this year! I'm happy. I'm excited.

When we were finished with that they gave us the option to walk back to the building or do one more lap. This is where I would love to say that I jumped to attention and did the extra lap. I did do the extra lap, but I didn't jump to it like my new attitude should have told me to do. I did it because I was talking to this lady and I wanted to keep talking and she wanted to do the lap. She is faster than me so her slower pace was still a bit faster for me and I finished the evening with 3.23 miles at 9:18 pace! Woah!

Our camp motto (because they call it a camp) is "A fit woman is a powerful woman". And the quote they used is "The day will come when I can no longer run. Today is NOT THAT DAY!"

TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY.

Wedded Bliss

2009-04-07T09:58:00.004-05:00

Truly blissful. Truly. Our wedding day exceeded our expectations in every way! It's still hard to comprehend. Married. I am a wife. I like it. We enjoyed the day so much and I think we threw one heck of a party for everyone to have fun. I can't say enough about how perfect the day was nor how thankful we were to everyone that helped us with that day. People we didn't even know were helping out and I'm sure we'll never know some of the things people did for us. Gifts cannot repay and enough words of thanks cannot be spoken. We'll just continue to love and support our friends and family so they know how much we care. Hopefully we have the opportunities to make the same differences as they did.

Running has been off to a slow start this year. I've been a bit busy. But I managed to get some running in where I can so I don't feel completely lost, I just don't feel like I have my routine down yet. Transition periods can make it difficult to stay focused.

I am starting with a running group tonight through community ed. All women with varying ability. Although, I've found that most people who join running clubs tend to have talent; even though they say open to all levels it usually intimidates the novice runners. Except me of course. I'm usually towards the back of the pack but I still join. Anyway, I'm hoping to get some speed work, intervals, hills...anything that will make me work. My other runs tend to be the usual routine so I want to shake it up a bit.

I'm going to try to be a new runner tonight. These people don't know me or my history so I'm going to pretend like I have never complained a day in my life. Like I always do my best - realizing that my best may vary from week to week. Positive all the way. Zero negativity. Oh, and when they say "Hey, lets try something crazy" I'll say "Alrighty!" and be pleased with the fact that I attempted something new. And most importantly, the word slow will never come out of my mouth. I can run a 5k at about a 10:45/mile pace. Those are the facts Jack. I don't need to judge myself as slow, lest I judge others based on my own beliefs; nor do I need to worry about what others might think. I'm excited for the new me!

A Toastmaster Milestone

2009-03-27T09:47:00.004-05:00

Today I finished my 10th speech with the Toastmaster organization I joined in October 2007. It's a milestone where you have reached a certain level of achievement and are now ready to tackle more complicated types of speeches. It's all relative really, but I feel good about it. I feel like I've learned some things about public speaking. I definitely know where I need to improve and that is why I want to keep practicing. Get better and better. It's been a hassle and a struggle at times, but overall, I'm going to keep with it. If for nothing else then for the simple fact that I would rather run that work on a speech. So there's that. I should be getting all my running done if I schedule myself to give more speeches! :)

Merry Christmas

2009-03-23T16:08:00.002-05:00

Oh wait, what day is it today? My brain is in a complete fog of all the last minute wedding details that need to be wrapped up. I have a list. It's all written down, yet somehow everything keeps spinning through my mind. My parents are in town now and have their own sets of to do lists to keep them busy while I'm at work. And really, there is absolutely no way I would get this stuff done if I didn't have them here.

Last week I managed to complete my training for the week. I love it when I can follow the plan exactly. This week, I have to do the same, if not only to keep my sanity. I actually am happy to come to work because I know I don't have to think about the wedding. I will find the same escape in running for the next two weeks I hope. Sorry, can't plan, gotta run. That will be just for me. Luckily, my schedule only calls for a 4 miler as the longest run, so that won't take too much time. Just the right amount of escape.

I also lost 2 pounds last week and the wedding dress couldn't fit better! All is well in that arena too. I need only 2 more pounds to have lost 10% of my weight since joining Weight Watchers almost 1 year ago! 10% was only 15 pounds ladies and gents...yeah...I'm a slow starter. I know, I know, I KNOW I can get there on or before April 4th. Then, the honeymoon is going to cut right in the middle of me trying to get to my lifetime goal weight. That kind of bums me out, because I've really been doing great. I don't want any setbacks. I'm focused. And it took a long time of doing to get me to feel this way. As I have written before and still maintain, you get motivated after doing...not waiting to feel the motivation and then doing.

I can't wait to just be married. Life will still be crazy. We'll still have a million things scheduled. I'll still be trying to eat right and exercise. But I won't have to leave the one person who helps me through all this anymore. I won't have to say goodnight and go to my own home. We'll have each other from then on. I can't wait.

A Glamour DO

2009-03-15T20:13:00.002-05:00

Do: Splish splash through puddles during your run so your legs and shoes looked like you just went through the trenches and Kept......On......Going.

The best looking legs of the day award goes to this girl who passed me around the lake today wearing knee length black spandex, pigtails, and a black t-shirt. During the first 20 minutes of my run I was avoiding all of the puddles and flinching when I could feel the back spray on my legs and thought about my beautiful shoes getting dirty. Then I saw this girl, running on, legs dirty from all the spray, feet inevitably wet, running on. Her legs looked awesome! It looked like she had grit, like sometimes it's not pretty, but you just run on. I wanted my legs to look like that! So, I stopped trying to avoid the puddles (much to the chagrin of the other 10,000 people who were on that path). And on the return trip I ran straight through the section of path that always collect huge puddles when the snow melts because it dips in the middle. Hopefully my shoes will look worn, not never used.

Also, because I was inspired by the beautiful day, I thought, what if I smile all the time. Maybe some people will pass me and think "Look at that girl running. She looks like running is the best thing in the world. Why, just look how happy she looks". And then maybe they would want to try running too. Or maybe they would smile back. Or just think, what's that idiot smiling about? I tried it, but turns out it's not natural or super easy to smile while trying to rhythmically breath through your mouth. So that didn't last too long, but it was a good thought.

The 5k on Saturday was, ok. Turns out I was bitter, so nothing was really enjoyable yesterday. I was bitter because after what I thought was a decent week, I thought I would be down at least .2 pounds at Weight Watchers. But nope. Nada. Zip. NOT A SINGLE OUNCE. It was really upsetting because I've been feeling great about my choices. But the good news is, the past two times this has happened to me, something was different. I didn't want to cash in my chips and give up. I just thought, well I enjoyed my week no matter what the scale showed. I guess no loss is disappointing but I still had a good week. I'll just keep following the plan.

Anyway, with the taste of sour grapes in my mouth, I was none too pleased when the race involved an icy path. Pretty much the whole way, you never new if you were on ice or just moisture because the ice was so thin. With most of my steps I could tell that there was no traction as soon as I tried to push off and my foot would just slip out the back. I ended up still having a good run. And it was great to get out there with runners again. I just couldn't shake the feeling that the conditions were somewhat dangerous.

Happy Spring Trails!

I'm so excited!

2009-03-11T10:47:00.004-05:00

And I just can't hide it! I'm about to lose control and I think I like it! (Except I've found out, I'm kind of a control freak...so I'm working on that). Wait, that parenthesis deserves an explanation. You never notice you're a control freak if everyone around you (especially the most important people) always do what you want. Turns out that happens to me. Not a terribly big issue; I'm trying to let go of preconceived notions and then disappointment or frustration when those notions don't exactly pan out.

This Saturday is the first 5K of the year. Weather permitting I will have fun. I bought a special green clover headband to wear because it's the Irish for a Day 5k. Then after that I get to take my three little cousins out for dinner. What a great day that will be!

There is less that 1 month until I get married. And March is the best month so far. All the fun stuff happens in the last month. I have bridal showers. I have a bachelorette party. I am moving. We are finalizing the reception, dj and everything else! It's like this is the month when it all happens. Oh, and I get to get my hair and makeup done and manicures and pedicures. All kinds of girly stuff! So exciting!!! Plus we get boxes on our doorstep and cards in the mail. What a build up. But we still have to pay all the bills so that kind of keeps you grounded.

I'm still looking forward to this year of races. I have my schedule and am ready to get out there. Plus, I'm trying something new this year - a running group. I signed up for a 8 week running group for women through community ed. I need help working on my speed so that's what I'm hoping for. The few group runs I did with the local Running Room were lots of fun so hoping this will be the same. I'm trying to maintain at least 10 miles a week and building for this month to get my base going again.

Here is my yearly race schedule for the biggies. Of course the year wouldn't be complete without the fun 5K's sprinkled in for variety and apparel.

May 25th: Mississippi 10-miler
June 20th: Garry Bjorklund 1/2 Marathon
July 11th: Lifetime Tri (possibly Olympic?)
August 8th: Gopher to Badger 1/2 Marathon (and my birthday!!)
September 6th: City of Lake 25k
September 27th: Iron Girl Duathlon (maybe)
October 25th: Marine Corp Marathon (maybe)

My summer goals include being outside exercising, going to the driving range once a week, golfing twice a month and weekly finding a quite place outside to sit and relax and reflect.

There is a lot of future exciting stuff. Presently I am excited for a friend's birthday party on Friday night and 3 days of some sweaty, muscle burning workouts before my next Weight Watcher weigh in on Saturday.

Groove is in the Heart

2009-02-24T08:43:00.003-06:00

Actually, the groove is not in my heart. But that's where I want it to be. I've been plodding along doing treadmill running for the past 3 weeks. I feel good that I'm getting it done, but I'm really not pushing or trying anything new, which is what I feel ready to do. I want to start running outside so much. I just know that everything will be as it should be when I can get out an run. Hopefully that day will be Saturday.

What a difference a day makes. Or a good run. The above was written Tues. morning. The following is being written Wed. morning.

The groove IS in my heart. I went to the Metrodome running again last night and did 3.2 miles at a pace of 11 min/mile. In the immortal words of L.L. Cool J - "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years." I don't really doubt that I'll be able to get my running mojo back after the winter break I take, but it can be disheartening to struggle through runs when you remember where you left off. Running just felt really good and when I tried to pick up the pace, my body delivered. It's was like I remembered that I can handle uncomfortable for a period of time. Funny, because I tend to be a complainer. Except recently I'm trying something new. It's called Not Complaining. So, I just said "Hey, this is uncomfortable, I'm breathing really hard." And then I kept going until I felt I had overcome my quitter voice. At least for that particular moment.

Ooooh! I just thought of this. What if every time I think I can't make it, I vow to do more. 1 more minute, one more sprint, 1 more rep....whatever. Novel idea! Think of the gains I will make. I'm gonna try that. Did I just invent that? Because that seem genius to me! :)

I still need to take this training outside. I push myself more when I'm outside. I feel better and refreshed when I can get out. Still hoping for Saturday. 4 miles. But first one more treadmill workout on Thursday. I'm going to only do 2 miles of intervals or speed or something to kick it up during that time.

The Appointment

2009-02-18T11:59:00.002-06:00

Yes. It was the day I've been waiting for. The day of the appointment for my dress alteration. I was so excited to get to the place and put the dress back on. I love wearing that dress. I just can't believe how much I love wearing it. One day will not be enough time in that dress.

Did it fit? Did I lose the weight?

Yes and no. It fit like it did when I bought it, but that's as good as it got. It didn't fit any better. But ok. No problem. It looks good on now. I still have 7 weeks left and any amount of weight I lose will just be icing. I have two more appointments for alterations which is weird because they really aren't doing that much but I guess you have to go back in to make sure what they did do is ok and then they finish it up. That just means that I have two more appointments to use as milestones and two more reasons why I have to put my dress back on. I'll probably wear it to clean the toilets and fold laundry in it after we are married.

I've felt good this week because I scheduled workouts and I did them. Amazing how simple that is yet I struggle with it all the time. Why do I complicate things so. Our egos get in the way of what should be the easiest of concepts with over analysis, emotion, judgement and doubt. I've got to shut myself up at times and focus.

Wedding Stuff

2009-02-16T12:32:00.004-06:00

I bought my fiance a wedding ring on Saturday. On Valentine's Day. What a great experience. I find myself getting emotional over all kinds of random things. I cried when he tried on the tux jacket. I cry in church at various moments when I think about our wedding happening there. And I teared up when we found "The Ring" for him. There are so many moments that just feel right when you know you are making the right decision or found the right thing at the meaning behind everything. And those moments just hit me like a ton of bricks. Sometimes I just look at him and get that flood of emotion because I know things are so very right and the magnitude of it all is overwhelming.

We have registered, we have all the important professionals hired. We have a cast. Shoes, dress, hair stuff and veil, appointments - all done. Invitations sent (RSVP coming back!), thank you cards at the ready and we both have rings. There doesn't seem to be much to this wedding planning thing. Maybe we are having a simple wedding. It feels kind of simple - but that's good. That's how we want it.

Seven weeks until the big day. Seven. It seems like an eternity. Ok - exaggeration, I know. But I want to be married. I don't want to have to leave at the end of a good day and go back to my apartment. I don't want to have to wonder if I left my book at his place or spend the day painting one place just to go home a clean another. Just one life. That's what I want. All in good time. It's coming I know, but the kid in me says "NOW!!!", amongst other things.

We are doing well.

Me and the Metrodome

2009-02-12T08:46:00.003-06:00

I have loved going to the Metrodome since my first trip to see the Twins play. I think it was the crowd. Coming from a town of 150 people in South Dakota, I had never seen so many people at once. It was a big deal to go to a Twins game. A real treat. I've been to Twins games, I've been to a Vikings game. I was on the big jumbo tron once. I've huddled inside on a brisk morning waiting for the start of the TC 10 Mile, and I've been blown out the door several times because of the air pressure holding up the dome roof. That's a fun part. I've seen N*Sync there, and a monster truck jam, accidently walked into the men's room and even ran around and around for exercise. And now, last night, I went rollerblading there.

This was a big deal because since I was a little girl I've thought about how fun it would be to rollerskate around the dome. It has flat seamless (well almost) floors and it goes on for miles. At least it seemed like miles when I was a kid. Turns out 2.5 laps is a mile, but whatever. Well it was what I had always dreamed. So much fun. So much room! I've know you could do this for a while, but this was the first time I tried it. I love going to the Metrodome. I recommend rollerblading there during the winter.

As far as a workout update goes, I did do the rollerblading obviously. And last night I went for a run. Did the scheduled 2 miles. Did not get in the yoga I had in mind. I did about 10 minutes and called it a day.

I'll round of the week after work tonight with the Head to Toe and 10-20 minutes of cardio, then head out to meet some friends in Uptown.

Side comment, I do love the dome, but the new stadium look FANTASTIC! Can't wait to watch the Twins there.

Exercise Log - #1

2009-02-11T08:34:00.003-06:00

Here is a quick update to log my exercise:

Yesterday I did run 2 miles. Time:23:21, irrelevant really but whatever.

This morning: Head to Toe workout (from Fitness magazine) - 30 minutes. It was actually an ok workout. I was sweating so that's seems good.

Tonight: Scheduled to Rollerblade at the Dome with my aunt, but the weather may impede our plans. If that falls through, I'll be at the gym on an elliptical machine for about 30 minutes.

I feel so much better when I am "doing" instead of "planning"!

Priority Numero Uno

2009-02-10T12:01:00.003-06:00

ME!

I need some workout time. I need to create some workout time. Next week I have no real commitments (except my dress alteration appointment!) to speak of and I'm gonna keep it that way. Evenings will be free and clear to workout until my heart desires.

Tonight: Run 2 miles
Wednesday: Head to Toe Toning in the AM, rollerblading/elliptical in the PM
Thursday: Yoga in the AM, Run 2 miles in the PM
Friday: Head to Toe Toning in the PM
Saturday: Run 3 miles
Sunday: Snowboarding

Fun and purposeful.

I'll have to print this out and stick it in my planner.

A Proper Rebuttal

2009-02-06T13:06:00.006-06:00

My best friend Tara is coming to visit this weekend from New Mexico to help with wedding stuff. Mostly I think this will consist of a lot of shopping. I'm really looking forward to some time alone though. Those days of being carefree teens and young adults are far behind us. We're both at great spots in our lives with great spouses/fiances and families, but sometimes, a girl needs her friends. I do have amazing friends. I'm just specifically talking about her becauase these girl times come few and far between these days.

She posted some memories in her blog yesterday about things she "remembers". Ok. So they are true, but I only punched her because we were punching each other. You know. For practice. Here are some things I remember.

1. Her response to me wanting to cut my (loooooong) hair "I think we could just braid it and cut at the base." We did. And, no. You can not.
2. Going for walks on our well beaten "trath" during an OAFC retreat.
3. Her lending me paper in Algebra III & Trig after I ran out mid-semester and refused to restock because I was a senior and didn't think it was worth it.
3a. Our 5 minute homework assignments in said math class.
4. The time at Subway when we opened one Sunday and the owner walked in and found us in the back room sitting on the floor eating a bag of Cheetos.
5. And her rushing in a panic around the Subway store when I gashed my finger open to find the first aid. She yelled "I'll save you!!!"

And many more.......

5K Training Day 1

2009-02-03T09:31:00.002-06:00

Today I got to work and, ug; I look stupid. And the morning started off so well. I reluctantly got out of bed after wondering if Allison would believe that I over slept because of an alarm malfunction. I decided that would be deceitful. So we did make it to the gym and I ran two miles. I’m on an official 5k training plan starting today. Turns out I can in fact run 2 miles continuously, even on a treadmill. I probably could go more, but I like the idea of easing back into it. I have the time and I am enjoying it so why rock the boat. It’s not like the 5k is in 2 weeks.

Getting back to why I look stupid. I’m wearing smart navy pants and a soft ivory turtle neck with delicate buttons on the sleeve for the perfect understated accent. My hair is pulled back into a tidy ponytail and my makeup is subtle with warm brown tones. When I stand in one spot I look put together. When I walk on the other hand. My pants are a little on the short side and I wore mules I guess you call them. I also wore ivory trouser socks with the shoes and it just looks stupid when I walk. It’s sort of the Michael Jackson effect with black pants and white socks. And that fact that I look stupid caught me completely off guard. I left the house thinking all was well. I guess that makes it even more disappointing. I hate when I do that. Then I feel uncomfortable all day. Well, at least until lunch.

Just some thoughts from right now

2009-02-02T15:50:00.001-06:00

I found a new inspirational quote while researching my next Toastmaster Speech today:

"Far better to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows not victory, nor defeat."-- Theodore Roosevelt

That’s my new 2009 running quote.

I have these grandiose visions about how I am going to start running longer distances earlier on in the season so that I can maintain my weekly range but build speed sooner and quicker. Faster, better, stronger, quicker, longer, funner. Sorry, but ‘more fun’ just didn’t go with the list of adjectives I was listing. Then, by the end of June if my base is solid and I decide that I want to run a marathon in October, I’ll be totally ready and won’t have to train for the training.

My first race this year is going to be the Irish for a Day 5K on March 14th. Yes. I need to train back up to a 5k. But rest assured I am on a plan. I’ll be ready in no time. Better than before. Then I’ll do a 10-Mile at the end of May. April is gonna suck - except that I’m getting married!!! So when I say suck I mean running wise. But I’ll hardly care about running when I’m walking down the aisle or gallivanting through Ireland on our honeymoon where I plan on drinking lots of beer. Not because I want to be drunk, but because I want to try all different kinds of things. And that’s what the Irish do. They drink. I’m Irish so I can say that. (No I’m not).

I’ve got two weeks to get back to my wedding dress purchase size. That equates to 2.6 pounds. It’s gonna happen and would be even cooler to lose 3-4 pounds. At my weight watcher meeting the other day the leader made comments about how we go out to eat with people and lets say they order a burger and fries. The natural reaction, which is sometimes my reaction, is to wonder why I can’t eat that. Why I can’t be like them and be normal (aka thin) and eat burgers all the time. That’s where we fool ourselves though. Most “normal” people don’t eat burgers all the time and stay healthy. Sometimes I am that person who eat a huge meal and maybe people who don’t know me wonder how I do it. Little do they know I’ve been cutting back all week for this meal. Or maybe I just ran a ½ marathon that day. You don’t know me. You don’t know what people are doing unless you are with them for every meal. Things I would like to hear less of:

I’m going to try.
Normal.
I’m tired.
Why can’t I……
I wish I could….or I can’t…..

Life is not fair. Dieting IS cutting back. Maintaining is where the lifetime change is. I’ll forever be doing less than I want UNTIL I decide and accept that the less IS what I want.

In which I pull myself back

2009-01-06T09:58:00.000-06:00

It is so much nicer to look back and see the things I have done to change rather than still be thinking about all the ways I am going to change. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps and got serious. All those days I spent in the gym and around the lakes last summer/fall thinking why can’t I be faster? Why can’t I be stronger? It took this whole month (or more) of nothing, and significant loss of fitness to realize just what I had. In order for me to be stronger and faster I would have had to push myself a lot harder over that plateau. I was in pretty good shape, maintaining what I had, and unbeknownst to me at the time, I was reaping the benefits of being in that condition. My New Years resolution then is to be aware of what I have. Be aware of how hard I am working and enjoy it. Be mindful of how far I have come. It was ridiculous of me to be surprised at how I had improved as a runner and the clothes I was fitting into and then ask “Wow, where did that come from?” Duh. I worked for it. Well, if it took me losing some form to come to this conclusion I think it was worth it. You have to go through the valleys to recognize the peaks.

Back to what I have been doing then. I started back at Weight Watchers seriously again. I never stopped going completely, but my heart hasn’t been in it for a long time. I lost 3 pounds last week and am on my way to more loss this week. Since Jan 1 I have been to the gym every day but one. That’s not the point, but it’s just significant that I have been going. By golly, that wedding dress is going to fit again by alteration time in mid-February. No doubt.

I recently read this and found it very obvious, but refreshing and sensible.

“Motivation is not going to strike you like lightening. And motivation is not something that someone else - nurse, doctor, family member – can bestow or force on you. The whole idea of motivation is a trap. Forget motivation. Just do it. Exercise, lose weight, test you blood sugar, or whatever. Do it without motivation. And then, guess what? After you start doing the thing, that’s when the motivation comes and makes it easy for you to keep on doing it.”

“…you’re more likely to act yourself into feeling that feel yourself into action. So act!”

In which I let myself go

2008-12-21T22:01:00.003-06:00

Ew. I'm so mad at myself. Me and Oprah. I read an article by her in her magazine today about how embarrassed and angry with herself she is for gaining nearly 40 pounds back. That's exactly how I feel. Although it's only 5-7 pounds it's a lot of lost muscle and feelings of self worth. No I'm not worth what I weigh or look like, but I don't feel good when I don't exercise. Yes, my life has come to that. I can't believe that I can't ignore that fact. I'm not myself when I'm not exercising. Sheesh. So what? Now I'm supposed to work out for the rest of my life? Great.

OK. Just a hint of sarcasm there.

But this is the season of hope. I have, if nothing else, hope. No, I have hope and faith. Time to start the revolution again. Time to fuel the fire to achieve. All is not lost; hope remains. Faith that God gave me the tools to be healthy.

This sounds a lot like a New Year's resolution if you ask me.

Vegas 1/2 Marathon

2008-12-12T18:57:00.010-06:00

This race is SO FUN! Yes, after you turn off the strip the only people left clapping are the homeless people who slept there the night before. Heck, even on the strip there aren't many people in Vegas up at 6AM. But who cares!?! There is so much dazzle to look at!

The race started a 6AM Sunday morning. I guess the story starts before that though. I quit training for this race November 2nd. That is the day I ran 9 miles and until December 7th I hadn't run more than 5 miles per week. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, but I was past the point of caring how the race would turn out. I would enjoy it. I would get a medal. I would gorge myself at the buffet. I had my best girls there; no matter what I was just happy to be there with them.

Well, the race started at 6AM at Mandalay Bay. It's still dark at 6AM. There was the full Vegas strip in all it's excessive glory laid out before me.

Elvi, Santa's and veils were all around. Robin Leech was commentating. Yes. The Robin Leech. My plan: run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute, enjoy, repeat (about 1000 times). The gun went off. Nay, not the gun. The fireworks.

SPECTACULAR.

I cried. I was directly underneath the spot where they were lighting them off when the finale happened. What an overwhelming feeling. Amazing. Absolutely amazing to count myself amongst all these athletes. What an amazing blessing. I could be out there. I could run. God gave me that day, and I was going to enjoy it. It still makes me tingle and get a little emotional thinking about it.

So for the rest of the 4 mile or so Strip, I putzed around. I pulled over to take pictures. Several in some spots if they didn't turn out. What did I care. I wasn't in a hurry. I was in it for the long haul.

Saw the girls at about mile 3 and I lept into the air and proclaimed "Fresh as a daisy!" And surprisingly, I was. Ok. Well, things were going so well I decided to run my usual 10 minutes and walk 1.

I passed the run through wedding chapel where a bunch of Elvi were clapping for the newlyweds.

The next water stop featured wedding cake so I partook. Miles 5-8 or so were solid. Flat course. Kept on going. Was feeling ok. Around mile 9 though I started to think that maybe a little endurance training might have done me some good. My legs were getting tired. Starting to run again after the walks were getting really hard. But I was still passing people. Huh. Saw my girls again at mile ten. I puffed "Fresh........as..................................a daisy" and barely kicked a heal in the air. They screamed and clapped and cheered, so I sped away with a some renewed energy. My legs were shaking by that point though, so I started walking about every 1/2 mile instead.

Mile 11 I realized, I only had 2 miles left. Which meant if I kept it up, at the MOST 25 minutes. That would mean UNDER a 2:30 1/2!?!? Wha??? My April 1/2 was 2:40 something, maybe 2:45. No way. No way.

Mile 12. The marathoners passed me. Why didn't I get a picture of that? Oh yeah, because I was concentrating on trying to feel my legs. But the 1st and 2nd finishers in the marathon blew past us all. It was way cool. They? Looked fresh as daisies.

FINALLY. The finish. Nice medal. Hugs all around. I ran as fast as I could for the last .10 - which seemed like a long way. My face was all contorted with pain and lack of oxygen. 2:29:09. I never would have believed it if the chip didn't record it. I had more fun though that any race.

These girls are rock solid.

Dome Running

2008-12-03T08:48:00.004-06:00

Last night I went to the metrodome to run. I've been wanting to try this for a while now. It's nice actually. You pay your dollar and can run as long as you want around and around the dome from 5-7pm. It's safe. It's warm (but not too warm). It's got a nice concrete floor that you don't have to worry about tripping on and there is plenty of stuff to look at on the walls.

Only problem?

It made me want a hot dog, real bad! I don't think it actually smelled like a hot dog in there, but whenever I am at the dome it does. During Twins games it smells like hot dogs and nachos and popcorn and beer and....YUM. I couldn't stop thinking about all the wonderful concessions!

70 laps will yield 26.2 miles. SEVENTY LAPS! Yiy. I did 11. That was 4.35. Which is practically 13.1. I'm so ready for this 1/2! (I'm psyching myself out here)

Optimistic

2008-12-02T12:39:00.002-06:00

December is going to go right! I'm going to remain calm while shopping and wedding planning. I'm going to work out and feel good about myself again. I'm going to start a new job and bring only my good habits with me. I'm going to develop new good habits and skills.

And it's all going to start with a trip to Las Vegas and a 1/2 Marathon. Yessiree - December is going to be alright!

Bittersweet ending

2008-11-19T10:36:00.004-06:00

I turned in my resignation at my job yesterday. I am leaving for a position in another company that will give me an opportunity to develop my leadership and communication skills. I'll learn a ton about project management and even potentially be managing a few other people. My skill set will help give me a background for what I'm going to be learning. It's all good on paper.

But it's so sad in my heart. How can I sit there and tell my two managers that I like my job, I enjoy working for them, I think they are great and have really done a lot for me. And that I like the company....because then tell me again why am I leaving??? Oh yes. This great opportunity.

I'm so excited about this new position because it's going to be a real challenge. I'll be working on things that have high visibility and can make a huge impact on the way things are currently being done. The corporate culture there seems a little bit more conservative, more demanding. But I'm excited to see how I fare in that kind of environment. I want to excel!

My managers didn't even know I was looking. Heck, I didn't know I was looking, this kind of just fell in my lap. I had to keep it professional when I told them I was leaving. I cried though. But then wasn't the time to gush about my high regard for them and the company. And now I'm screaming inside to tell them how hard of a decision this was and how I truly think they are wonderful bosses. I have so much respect for them both. It's agonizing.

This decision is made. There can't be any room for doubt and regret. I made the choice. I hope it was the right one.

Blissfully in Denial

2008-11-17T13:23:00.002-06:00

Life is pretty good right now. I just returned from a trip to visit my parents in NM, a destination which I love and will forever miss. We finalized the design for wedding invitations that mom will be making. All 120 of them. By hand. And they will be perfect because mom won't settle for less. Even though I would. I bought a wedding dress! It really happened so quickly. I can't post a picture because my fiance reads this. Infrequently, but I can't take that chance. There will be plenty of pictures later I'm sure. It looks amazing though and if I can lose 10 pounds I'll be able to breathe in it! That's a joke. But it is tight - like OJ Simpson glove tight. And that is no joke.

I'll be heading to Vegas with some girl friends in a couple of weeks and it is going to be a BLAST!

Except for that pesky 13.1 mile run I promised to do while there. Enter denial. Holy cow! I haven't been running regularly and last week I didn't run even once. My training has been pathetic. I did have a glimmer of hope a few times there when I did long runs on the weekends (twice) but it's gotten bad again. And the thing is, I'm not worried. Oh, I know it's gonna be a hard race because of my lack of training. It makes me a little sad because it feels so good to really rock a race and this one I will just be running. It will be like a really uncomfortable long run instead of a race I am psyched about and ready to conquer. Should I be more worried than I am? Maybe, but I still feel like I can do it. I still believe that I am in good enough shape to wing a 1/2 Marathon. Huh. Well I guess that is some kind of accomplishment. Me? Winging 13 miles?? Other people can do it. Why can't I? We'll see.

I'm not down and out yet though! I've got 3 weeks left and I'm not planning a big taper. If I can get up to 11 miles again I'll feel ready. One thing that the denial is helping with is that I still believe there is time and at the same time I understand that time is running out so I feel like I am in a good position mentally. I've got all of the urgency with none of the guilt.

Election Day!

2008-11-04T11:25:00.003-06:00

Do I ever love to vote. I really feel a sense of pride and civic duty as I carefully fill in the bubble of the candidate of my choice. I read it over slowly and methodically knowing that this does have an impact. This will make a difference. Now I know all about how electorial votes work, but to get an electorial vote somebody has to vote out there.

I voted for Bill Clinton when I was 18 years old in 1996 and ever since then I have been so excited to be involve. I can't wait to go home and watch the election results. I should make some popcorn!

Long Run Recap

2008-11-03T09:05:00.002-06:00

Sunday I ran 9 miles. It wasn't too bad. Not as bad as last weeks 8 miles so that is a good sign. It pretty much sums up the run though, when at mile 4.23 I felt something hit my leg and I thought "Oooh! I think my shoelace is untied!! Better stop" then I looked and it wasn't and thought "Oh :( Guess not. All right, I'll keep going". My legs have just been getting so tired on the trip towards the end. Maybe I need to keep shifting the pace so they can try something new.

Are runners arrogant trail hogs who think everyone should yield to them? I am. I was having an issue early on with walkers talking up the whole trail in groups of 3 and 4. I don't care if you are running sprints or crawling on your knees, be considerate of other people on the trail and move. Ok, but the actuality is my complaining on my blog and thinking negative thoughts in my head isn't going to make other people more or less thoughtful. I'm even willing to admit that I may be wrong. Maybe I should be going around them. Although this generally takes more effort and I realize I am running, but I'm all about using as little effort as possible.

Revelation hit at that moment. I'm telling myself all kinds of positive thoughts during the run, but thinking negatively about the people on the path who won't move. Who was that possibly going to help? Negative is negative and if I'm going to be enjoying and completing the run I have to enjoy every bit of it and that means NO NEGATIVITY. None. Enjoy it and be grateful that the day was given to you or be a complainer. It was a BEAUTIFULLY perfect day. There were tons of people out enjoying the weather. I saw this adorable 2-3 year old girl running/waddling next to her dad (so cute!!) all determined with her little hands balled into fists swinging her arms wildly back and forth.

So I think, thank God I'm able to exercise today and enjoy this. Thanks for the wind to provide resistance and make me stronger, thanks for the hills too. Thanks for the time to think about my fiance and how much I love that we are both into running. It's what we do. And I thought about my friends who think I'm a runner. When I started to walk at an unscheduled break I thought, The Fab 5 thinks your a runner. They think you can do it, why can't you? I can.

It was a good run then. Lots of positive thoughts once I realized this was the better way to go. I even ran 9.16 miles instead of 9. Big harry deal I know, but the point is I didn't HAVE to run that extra .16. Finally starting to feel good about running. It's scary how much your mind can slip when you break routine for even a few weeks!!

Confessions of a procrastinator

2008-10-31T12:51:00.003-05:00

While I no longer fear the long run (thanks to last weeks gruelling 8) I have a new annoyance. So what if I can get out there and do the long run, I wanted to feel good about it. I wanted to feel strong. And, well, yet another week of procrastination has put me at 0 miles for the week and 15 to do in 3 days.

All I can do now is get a good run in tonight and feel good about it. I can go to spin class or do a short, easy run tomorrow and then do 9 miles on Sunday. I can actually do these runs and also vow to stick to a plan for next week and GET IN THE RUNNING. And enjoy it, it's not enough. It's not enough to say I'm gonna do this. I won't really truly start feeling better once I have done this stuff. So right now, this minute, what's a girl to do to make herself feel like everything is gonna be ok.

Maybe I've go these post-race blues. Where I felt like I accomplished something and reached a goal and then never quite reveled in it because that technically wasn't the ultimate goal. There is another race right around the corner. I don't know. I can't find a rhythm. No rhythm with running and working out and no rhythm with eating healthy and losing weight. And I don't feel right about blaming it on my schedule or the parties coming up or the weather. It's just me. I'm on a plateau. I either need to jump off the edge and call it good and stop feeling guilty. Or find a bigger mountain out there that I just can't stop myself from climbing.

2008-10-28T14:37:00.002-05:00

I say that this blog is about my latest fitness craze and whatever else comes along that I want to try out. But let's face facts. I'm only writing about two things for the next few months. Running and weddings. Hmmm sounds like ironic topics to be paired together.

I finally got to my 8 mile run. It was bad. But Success!! Because I did it. I let go of all expectations and just ran it. I think I will get back to my regular self after this week and the 9 miles I run this weekend. My legs just need to be reminded of what is expected of them.

I find I'm more reflective when I'm running and struggling. These types of runs can also be the most rewarding. That's where it's all laid out on the table. Either you bring it or you don't. And for me running provides this deeply personal accomplishement because nobody knows how difficult this particular run was or wasn't. They can't feel exactly what I had to ask of myself to accomplish it. Likewise only I know when I have a seeminly good run but deep down know I could have done better. You can never lie to yourself. You always know. And words just CANNOT describe. You never know what you're made of or what you're capable of unless you are tested.

This week I'm lifting in the mornings again, trying to cross train and getting in at least 3 runs.

As far as wedding planning goes - how fun! It really is. I'm getting to do all the fun stuff I've dreamed about every time a friend has gotten married or just because I'm a girl. Look at dresses, think about my family and friends being there and involved, taste cake samples. But there is also some not fun stuff and it all seems to have to be done at once. Because we are getting married in 4 months we need to book everything at once. The vendors we want are available and everything so that's not the problem, it just we need to book appointments to talk to these people, and we need to get quotes from all these other people, and everything in one huge pile!

Right now we are working on a DJ, photographer, wedding party, guest list, hotel room blocks, invitations, dinner menu and dresses.

We are done with: reception site, ceremony site and.....yeah. That's all.

I don't even want to list what we have to do after that.

AND I have got to finish the blanket I was supposed to give my cousin LAST Christmas. I'm so close, but I lost interest. Sad. I'm yelling at myself to PULL IT TOGETHER ALREADY!

Tag

2008-10-24T11:08:00.003-05:00

My first tag! Let me just say I'm honored :) Now down to the nitty gritty.

10 Years Ago:
1. Having a rockin' time at St. Cloud State University
2. Was struggling to raise my GPA
3. Was cashiering at the grocery store
4. Complaining about having to walk from the farthest parking lot to my dorm (incidentally - I ran a 1/2 marathon on that campus this year - things have really changed!)
5. Hmmm...That was a long time ago....

5 Things on Today's "To Do" List:
1. Run
2. Meet friends for a birthday celebration
3. Drink water
4. Schedule another bridal try on thing at a place
5. Do some stuff at work.

5 Things that I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. Become a philanthropist
2. Tavel. A lot.
3. Give some money to my family or buy them all gifts
4. Probably quit my job. I like it, but come on. I'm a millionaire!
5. Make more money. Gotta keep the philanthropy going.

5 Places I have lived:
1. Pierpont, SD
2. Alberta, MN
3. St. Cloud, MN
4. Farmington, NM
5. Minneapolis, MN

5 Jobs I have had:
1. Subway Sandwich Artist - back when we took pride in our art :)
2. Paper Shredder Extraordinaire
3. Data Analyst
4. Grocery store cashier
5. Front Desk person at a hotel

A run is a run

2008-10-22T09:52:00.003-05:00

Nothing exciting or thrilling, or even particularly challenging about last nights treadmill run except that I FINALLY got back to running. I got a glimmer of motivation from it and I just need to feed that feeling a few more times to officially be back on the training wagon. My legs were a little reluctant towards the end. But as long as I get out there and continue to give it what I've got I think I will be back to my peak in a few weeks; having excellent long runs and enjoy it.

I can't shake this feeling that I have been 2 steps behind for the past 2 weeks and frantically trying to catch up. Behind in training, work, my life....There is just so much going on with friends and family activities, trying to plan a wedding now in 5 1/2 months, running, working, Toastmasters - the list goes on. So far I haven't had any major meltdowns which surprises me. I guess I feel like I've been handling everything fairly well, but I still feel a little bit like I am waiting for that meltdown.

Balance. Word of the week. Remember to balance, Emily.